Let me tell you about the ‘nice
guy’. You know him, he’s your best friend, he watches crappy rom-coms with you
even though he doesn’t like them and he would never pressure you to do anything
you didn’t want to do. He cooks, he cleans and he listens to you complain about
the ‘bad boy’ whenever you want to. He’s the kind of friend everyone dreams of
but before you get too excited you should know, all this niceness has an
ulterior motive.
This blog is dedicated to the 'nice' guy, because sometimes he should finish last.
Now there is nothing wrong with
being ‘nice’. In fact I’m a fan of it, I enjoy when people are nice to me and I
am sometimes even nice to people. But if the reason you’re being nice is just
because you think it will get you the girl (or boy) then you’re doing it wrong.
Even if that’s not the sole reason for your niceness, the fact that you are a decent
person does not mean that anyone is obligated to fall in love with you.
Look guys, I’m not trying to dash
your dreams, if you love someone you should go for it. I’m just saying that
just because you are nice to a girl does not mean that she is HAS to do
anything with you. If she does like you, that’s awesome but if she says no,
even after you have been nice to her, it does not make her a bitch, it just
means she’s not interested. It’s not entirely your fault through, because this
myth is perpetuated throughout movies, tv and books.
As an example, the other day I
was feeling nostalgic and I decided to re-watch Can’t Hardly Wait. In this trashy teen film (that I absolutely
adore) Preston Myers (Ethan Embry) is in love with the most popular girl in school,
Amanda Beckett (Jennifer Love Hewitt). When he finds out that she has broken up
with her boyfriend, he thinks his chance has finally come. There is just one
problem… they have never actually spoken. Somehow by the end of the movie, even
though they have still not really spoken, Preston gets the girl and the
assumption of ‘nice’ guy entitlement is fulfilled.
This whole thing is not romantic;
all the story tells us is that Preston likes Amanda – because it was fate that
they ate the same kind of pop tart. We know Preston has been in love with
Amanda for years but Amanda doesn’t even know his name. The fact is that what
Amanda wants doesn’t matter because we know that Preston is a ‘nice’ guy and
that’s enough for us to believe that he deserves to get the girl.
Of course Can’t Hardly Wait isn’t the only movie to invoke this trope some
of my favourite movies do thing. Remember Cameron in 10 Things I hate About You – he was seriously pissed off when all
his hard work didn’t result in a date (at first anyway). And in my all time
favourite film, Empire Records, AJ is
positive that Corey will love him back even though she has never shown any
indication of it.
The worst part is that I fall for
this trope, I want the nice guy to get the girl and if he doesn’t I feel duped.
I am guilty of being pissed of at the girls that deny them their rightful place
as ‘nice’ guy boyfriend. Think about Pretty in Pink, Duckie is a perfect
example of this trope – he is the quintessential ‘nice’ guy and how many of us
are still pissed off that Andie chose rich boy Blane over him? I scream at the
television every time I watch it and if she were real I might even physically
assault her. But why am I so upset that she didn’t pick Duckie, I mean sure I
love Duckie but does that mean she has to?
If I watch the movie without my
Duckie goggles he’s actually a total dick, he has no claim to Andie but he
makes her feel guilty when she starts dating Blane. Then he tells almost
everyone that he’s in love, except the actual girl in question (because what
does her opinion matter). In fact the only decent thing he does is when he lets
Andie go at the end of the movie, telling her to find Blane because that’s
where her heart really lies. Sure Blane’s a dick but its Andie’s mistake to
make.
It just doesn’t seem right… I
mean why is it always the girls fault?
It’s this same attitude that
makes guys say things like: “all girls like bad boys”. All I have to say is,
just because she doesn’t like you doesn’t mean she’s only attracted to bad boys
– maybe she just doesn’t like guys who only do decent things because they think
it will help them get laid. Being nice to someone isn’t romantic – it’s just
common courtesy. We need to stop perpetuating the idea that for a guy being
‘nice’ deserves some kind of reward… your reward is not being a dick, congrats.
Finally for those of you that are
getting you’re nickers in a twist because I am gendering this trope, yes there
are ‘nice’ girls sometimes, but they usually have to go through a physical
transformation (makeover) in order to get the guy. The girl next door has the
wear a push up bra before the boy she is in love with her actually looks at her
as a viable romantic partner. The guys on the other hand, hardly ever have to
go through the same kind of transformation – it’s the girl who has to change
her attitude.
Tropes and clichés are part of
popular culture, and that’s fine the problem is that these ideologies bleed
into our everyday lives. A real ‘nice’ guy would never blame or guilt the girl
if she said no, so why do we? I just can’t wait to live in a world where nice
is the default, where there is no special consideration or reward for a guy
that decides he wants to be a decent person and the only way this is going to
happen is if we stop feeding this trope.
I’m well aware that this was a
tad ranty, but sometimes I care about things. All I’m really asking is that you
take another look at that guy from that movie (or tv show or book) that you
love – is he really as amazing as you think he is?
Do you have any examples of this
trope? Comment them below – let’s throw the lid of ‘nice’ guy entitlement for
good!
