Recapturing Teen Wolf: There’s a reason they’re called lunatics

Previously on Teen Wolf… Lydia is ignoring Stiles. Jackson is hitting on Allison. Allison’s family are werewolf hunters and Scott is still a werewolf. The Alpha wants Scott to kill his friends and Allison broke up with him. All in all things are not going well for Scott or Derek who's been accused of murder... again.

Scott and Stiles are traipsing through the wilderness because they apparently have not learnt anything at all. Scott’s freaking out because Stiles won’t tell him where they’re going and his mom has gone super protective after the incident at the school. Stiles dad is the Sheriff so he’s got Scott’s parental issues trumped. But that’s not the point of this little adventure no the point is that when you’re best friend gets dumped you get your best friend drunk (add this to the long list of reasons I should be best friends with Stiles).

Scott’s all we’re not broken up we’re on a break and Stiles shakes his head and pulls out a bottle of Jack.

Cut to Stiles falling onto his back drunk waxing lyrical about how much he loves girls especially ones with strawberry blonde hair. It’s just your typical break-up binge except poor Scott’s not drunk. Stiles deduces that werewolves can’t get drunk. Stiles on the other hand is wasted enough to get all deep and meaningful: “as much as being broken up hurts being alone is way worse.”

The d&m is interrupted by two very tough looking dudes with baggy clothes and backwards caps. They’re clearly bad news. They take the half empty bottle of Jack and despite the fact that the alcohol doesn’t affect him Scott’s pissed. Stiles suggests they leave but Scott has some anger issues he needs to work through. He scares the two bad dudes off with his wolf eyes, but Stiles and Scott decide it's time to leave anyway which is good because not long after the boys drive off those two dudes are attacked by the Alpha. The weird smile sidekick is thrown into a fire… nice.

Title Card!

Monday morning, Scott’s alarm goes off. The radio announces that the police search continues for alleged killer Derek Hale reminding us that Scott threw Derek under the bus.

Mama McCall’s here to support her son but she’s not letting him take the day off school. Scott manages to pull together enough denial to get out of bed: they are not broken up because he is going to win her back. Or else.

Outside the school Papa Argent is being a tad over protective, he’s even considering home schooling but creepy Aunt Kate intervenes and frees Allison from the car. After Allison has left Papa Argent tells Kate that she was right… which is rather unnerving.

Allison and Lydia discuss the events of  “Night School” – everyone’s talking about what happened but no one knows it was them. Thank god for the protection of minors… also maybe don’t talk about it in the middle of a crowded hallway. Allison is wondering if she did the right thing about Scott. Lydia’s like hells yeah. He locked them in a classroom and left them for dead that’s definitely a dumpable offense.

Stiles is waiting outside the office when his dad comes out. He’s worried about his dad being out there on the full moon. It’s heartbreaking to watch Stiles lose his wall of sarcasm and sincerely ask his dad to be careful.

Class time. It’s very awkward between Allison and Scott but Mr Harris intervenes. There’s a test. Don’t forget to write your name on the cover. Apparently every year on student forgets – the look on Stiles suggests that he has been that Student before.

Scott can’t concentrate on the test because it’s taunting him and his super werewolf senses are going crazy. The paper is talking to him asking him which of his friends he’s going to kill and why would a girl like Allison go out with a loser like Scott? It’s too much he runs out of class and because Stiles is his bro he follows him.

Stiles finds Scott’s backpack dumped in the hallway and follows the sound of his phone to… you guess it the locker room where Scott has taken off his shirt and jumped in the shower. Have I mentioned that I love this show? Because I really love this show. DRINK FOR GRATUITOUS MAN FLESH!

Nothing to see here, just bros watching bros in the shower -
did I mention I love the locker room?

Stiles is concerned on account of that one time Scott tried to kill him in the locker room… also the dramatic music. It’s okay Scott’s just having a panic attack – Stiles give him his inhaler, which tricks him into calming down: thinking he was an having an asthma attack actually stopped the panic attack… irony.

Stiles used to get panic attacks after his mom died because we clearly needed more Stiles feels in this episode. But at least Stiles gets that they are not fun.

Scott: I looked at her and it was like someone hit me in the ribs with a hammer.

Stiles: Yeah it’s called heartbreak there’s about 2 billion songs written about it.

Stiles points out that Allison dad’s a werewolf hunter and Scott’s a werewolf. It was bound to become an issue eventually. You got dumped Scott, it’s supposed to suck but it’s more than that. It’s the full moon. Stiles is going to need to do more than just lock Scott in his room because the blood lust is becoming a thing.

Hunters doing hunter things.

Back at hunter central, Kate and Hottie Hunter Argent are planning another night of hunting. Kate doesn’t think they are being proactive enough, the Alpha is unfocused on the full moon it’s the best chance to get him. Unless the Alpha has a reason to stay focused. Also they said that Derek was smarter than that, which was really nice of them because people don’t ever say nice things about Derek. Mama Argent comes in to ruin the mood though saying that if Derek is out then they find him and they cut him in half then she offers everyone a cookie. It’s scary... and slightly arousing. 

Yes. I would very much like a cookie.
In fact I would very much like to do everything you tell me.

In the cafeteria: Jackson sits down next to Allison and wipes some food of her lip because apparently that is a totally acceptable thing to do to your girlfriends best friend. Scott’s listening to the whole flirt fest and he’s not happy about it, he even breaks a wall.

Locker room! Coach Cupcake calls the lacrosse team to attention he has an announcement to make: due the recent Greenberg induced pink eye epidemic three students are about to be bumped to first line including… Bilinski! Stiles freaks in the way that only he can – with his whole body.

Dylan I love you but you are impossible to screencap.

Stiles: Call me Biles or I swear to god I’ll kill you.

Coach Cupcake’s not done yet he has one more bomb to drop, Jackson’s getting a co-captain: Scott McCall.

Jackson is really not happy about this turn of events it’s okay though because random lacrosse guy with terrible hair has his back. Danny thinks that’s Scott’s a good lacrosse player so Jackson should just suck it up (and that’s the opinion of Jackson’s best friend).

Stiles is excited, he’s first line, Scott’s co-captain… it’s a good day. He can’t understand why Scott isn’t more excited. Turns out Scott can smell Jackson’s jealously. Stiles is like hold up you can smell people’s emotions and you didn’t tell me. Can he smell desires, as in sexual desire, lust passion arousal? (The way you role your ‘r’ Dylan should come with an over 18 warning). 

It’s pretty easy to guess where Stiles is going with this but Scott plays dumb until Stiles has to spell it out to him. He wants to know if he has a chance with Lydia, he’s been in love with her since the third grade it’s time he knew for sure if he had a shot.

Scott: Why don’t you just ask her?

Stiles: Well to save myself utterly crushing humiliation.

Oh Stiles honey, I don’t have any werewolf powers and I could tell you that Lydia is not interested. I mean you have been pretty open with your affections for a while and she hasn’t so much as breathed in your direction, that’s a pretty firm no. I think it’s time to move on to bigger (and broodier) fish.

Lydia is totally cool with talking to Scott alone so she leads him into a empty classroom (or Coach Cupcakes office, I can’t tell) but instead of asking about Stiles, Scott asks about Allison. Lydia says that Allison will always like Scott, as a friend… ouch. Lydia also says that Allison is wrong though, she knows that when a guy risks his life for you, you should be grateful. She then proceeds to show Scott just how grateful she is, with her mouth.

I’m not a bro, but I’m pretty sure that it’s against brocade to make out with the girl your best friend is in love with. Really very not cool Scott. Also don’t hate me but that kiss was pretty damn hot, Jeff if you ever run out of storylines – I would be cool with Lydia and Scott having a steaming one night stand.

On the lacrosse field the banger twins knock Scott down because they are loyal to their one true captain Jackson. Unfortunately they don’t realize that they have awoken the wolf, Scott charges through all his teammates (including Danny) to score a goal. Scott might have been a hero but he knocked Danny out and that’s against the rules. Everybody likes Danny, now everybody’s going to hate you Scott.

Lydia rushes over to check on Danny (because even Lydia likes Danny) and Jackson notices that her lipstick is smudged. He’s not the only one, Stiles eyes dart from Lydia to Scott as he realizes what must have happened. Poor Stiles, he knew he never stood a chance but he really didn’t think Scott would ever do that do that to him.

Back at the Argent abode, Allison and Kate are bonding: which apparently involves a taser and a teddy bear aptly named Mr Bear. Just don’t tell Papa Argent whispers Aunt Kate. They have a d&m about Scott and Aunt Kate actually has some pretty good advice until Allison mentions that Scott knows Derek. Then she goes from concerned to creepy so fast that I got whiplash.

Stiles let’s himself into the McCall’s he’s got a key. Mama McCall is not surprised, but she is concerned. She’s also concerned about Scott, asking Stiles if he’s okay because he doesn’t talk to her anymore. Mama McCall then jokes about how the full moon brings out the crazies… that’s how they came up with the word: lunatic.

Posey your serial killer face is about as effective as mine.

When Stiles gets upstairs Scott is already in his room, waiting silently in the dark. Well at least Derek taught him something. He insists he’s fine but judging by the serial killer look on his face Stiles over rules his judgment. Scott tries to tell Stiles that he doesn’t need to be locked up but Stiles tricks Scott and handcuffs him to the radiator.

Stiles is protecting Scott from himself, and also getting some payback… guess the cats out of the bag on that one.

You are perfect!

Meanwhile, Allison wanders through a sporting goods store, looking for arrows… instead she finds Jackson who is buying Danny a new helmet. Jackson throws on the charm and Allison totally falls for it – they go somewhere to talk.

Back at Scott’s Stiles is reveling in his revenge. He has gotten Scott a dog bowl, with his name on it and everything. The look on Stiles face as he pours the water bottle into the dog bowl is still one of favourite images. He’s just so malicious and his speech to Scott about how he knows it’s not his fault that it’s the moon is equal parts cruel and heartbreaking and I just love it.

This is why I never understand it when people treat Stiles like he’s some kind of saint, like he’s the heart and soul of the group the one that cares about everyone. Stiles is a little shit. He loves Scott but he is not above petty payback. His capacity for cruelty is one of my favourite things and I hate that it’s so often glossed over by the fandom.

Eventually Stiles can’t listen to it anymore and he hides outside the bedroom door, breaking down as he listens to Scott beg for his freedom. I want to say more but I just have too many Scott and Stiles friendship feels. Soon enough though the screaming stops and silence fills the air, Scott has escaped! Watch out Beacon Hills there’s a teen wolf on the loose.

You two need to be less adorable, I'm not supposed to ship this.

Jackson and Allison are sitting a car in the middle of a parking lot bonding over the fact they both know something strange is going on but they have no idea what exactly. People are lying to them: Allison thinks her dad knows more about what happened at the school than she does. Jackson saw something in the school that walked like a animal then stood up like a man.

Scott is running through woods, three guesses where he’s heading… and there he is on the edge of the same parking lot that Jackson and Allison are in. Scott’s wolf vision shows him what he wants to see (Allison and Jackson making out) not what is actually happening (they’re just talking). He’s about to attack them when he’s stopped by DEREK!!!

Very heterosexual wrestling.

There’s lots of growling, manhandling and sexy wolf silhouettes but eventually Derek gets the upper hand. Derek shifts back into his beautiful human self, but Scott can’t do the same – he’s a slave to the pull of the moon.

Stiles is driving around town, looking increasingly desperate when it comes across a number of police cars and an ambulance. Stiles jumps out of his Jeep and starts desperately searching for his dad. His face when he spots the burnt body hurts my soul and the relief that washes over him when he turns around to see his dad might be even worse. They hug, it’s beautiful.

Watching the touching Stilinskis moment from the sidelines is creepy Aunt Kate and hottie Hunter Argent. They have a theory, the second beta might be a high schooler, specifically one of Allison’s friends.

To lie or not to lie that is the question...

Derek carries Scott into his room, places him on his bed and makes to leave before Scott stops him. Scott can’t do this, he can’t be a werewolf and be with Allison so he needs to know if there is any possible cure. Derek looks conflicted for a moment before saying that there might be but he doesn’t know if it’s true: you have to kill the one that bit you.

Scott has to kill the Alpha.

Finally Jackson finds a claw in his car and it matching the holes in the glove he collected earlier… dun dun dun! 

... to be continued. 

Read more Teen Wolf recaps here.