Sunday, September 6, 2015

Ranking One Direction's Videos From Worst to Best

What happens when I’m bored and little tipsy… apparently I rank all of the One Direction video clips from worst to best. I wish I had a better explanation for this because I know it’s been awhile since I posted anything here but really I just love watching these adoramuffins. Yeah I’m just super bored so bare with me I’m going to try to write something of substance soon I promise.

PRO TIP: Don’t be distracted by whoever's in front, keep your eyes on the boys in the background.

Gotta Be You


This clip is SO BAD. SO so bad. I don’t even know what they were thinking. It was back when the powers that be were still kind of trying to package them like a 90s boyband and if you’re wondering what old white men think teenage girls are into, this is it. They get it so wrong. Scarves. Slo-mo. Obligatory no homo girls. Why do they all look like their grandmothers dressed them? Like what were they thinking? If this was the only 1D clip you had ever seen, you would have NO IDEA why they are so popular. (Please note Louis wearing suspenders over his knit jumper though - it’s beautiful.)

More Than This


Not much to say about this vid or this song really. Loved the choreographed movements, very organised. It’s a live performance and it’s before they got really good at performing. Honestly the only reason this vid is last on the list is that it features the fangirls - who really are the sixth member of this band. I just love seeing the fangirls react to and enjoy One Direction. It’s the best thing about them.

Steal My Girl


A lot of people like this clip because it’s random. I know the boys like it but honestly I think it tries a little too hard or maybe it doesn’t try hard enough. Celebrity cameos in film clips can be great but unless you have a fantastic idea to back it up it ends up being a lazy gimmick. Plus this clip loses points for cultural appropriation, because that’s not acceptable ever. Also this is when they started dressing themselves and it’s just not great. It is kind of worth watching for when they get wet at the end though.

 Midnight Memories


You know when you turn 20 and you think because you’re not a teenager you have it all figured out when in reality you’re an actual idiot. This clip is a visual representation of that. Sure it’s got the boys signature humour and they look as adorable as ever but over all it’s a little boring. It does get points for showcasing london because I do love it when 1D are pushed as like UK ambassadors to the world. Also Liam looks particularly banging in this film clip. That leather jacket and scruff is good look for him (especially when he’s not putting his foot in his mouth).

Little Things


This song is lovely so it doesn’t really need a flashy clip to push it. And the boys do look lovely in black and white but it’s not a particularly interesting film clip and that’s what this list is about. It’s a nice clip though and it’s basically just the boys singing a love song to each other and let’s be real that’s something I’m here for. So that’s why this clip kind of has been pushed up this list a little because I’ll admit it’s a pretty boring clip.

You and I


Okay so I really have a problem with that damn grey jumper. I FUCKING hate it. Irrationally. So there’s a chance that might cloud my judgement when it comes to this clip. Honestly it’s not a bad clip. Not my fave but it’s quite visually beautiful and a little profound maybe. That grey jumper tho, I can’t get past it. It makes them all look like total trash, and considering Louis is already looking like garbage (I say that with love) at this point that’s really not a good thing. But I know a lot of fans like it as a metaphor for finding and accepting yourself so it gets points for that.

Live While We’re Young


This clip is inoffensive but also kind of boring. Seriously the only memorable thing about this video is Louis shorts. They are magical. There’s still a few no homo girls but they’ve pretty much figured out that the best way to sell these boys is to film them jumping all over each other. It does get points because the boys look like they're genuinely having a good time and at that point I think they were. Although I think this clip is overall bland, it is pretty fun watching them stumble about in those inflatable ball things. And I’m sure the baby fangirls are pretty happy with the pool part, so there’s that.

What Makes You Beautiful


This film clip is so boyband. Like seriously text-book boyband. They’re hanging out of a beach with girls. Singing at the camera. Singing to girls. Close ups. Walking towards the camera. CROSS DISSOLVE! It’s pretty much exactly what you would expect from a boyband’s first filmclip. Clearly the powers that be hadn’t figured out what made One Direction work, but the boys shine through this cliche and that’s why I still adore this video. They are so totally hopeless at the boyband thing and it shows but watching them jump around with each other like they’re genuinely enjoying themselves will never get old.

One Way or Another (Teenage Kicks)


If you’re not a fan of One Direction, you’re probably not going to think this clip is anything special, apparent from that one cameo. But if you’re a fan, even a little bit then you will LOVE this clip because it’s SO 1D. It’s like extreme 1D. The most 1D. They think they’re so cool and I want to pitch them all. Silly silly boys and their silly silly dance movies. I am fonding so hard. Also this clip features Zayn in bed, Niall in the shower, and all the boys with children, which is completely unacceptable really.

One Thing


This is the first clip that really showed the world what makes One Direction special. Their sense of humour, and those silly dance moves. Sure they all still look like their grandmothers dressed them but somehow it works in this clip. They don’t push any romance narratives instead focusing on the band’s one true love, their fans. The impact that fans had on One Directions success cannot and should not be ignored and this clip acknowledges them while showing the boys are their best. Also Louis outfit. Gosh I miss those awful suspenders.

Story of My Life


This a beautiful clip. Great concept, great execution. Not your traditional 1D clip but it works for the song and it works with their overall marketing strategy, which insists they’re just like us. Honestly I dare you to get through this clip without feeling something. Family photos are always going to tug the heartstrings. It’s like looking at a One Direction scrapbook. Plus they all think they’re so old when really they are still children. It’s important to remember how fucking young these boys are sometimes.

Drag Me Down


Having taken over the world, the boys decide to conquer the stars in this 3 minute NASA commercial that I am 100% into. What’s not to love? NASA = Win. Boys singing all cool like with intensity and such = Win. Gosh they’re so serious now. All grown up. It’s almost more adorable than it was when they were dressing like Ken dolls. If this is the last film clip we get then it would be a great way to go out. It’s so epic, which is an accurate way to describe the live shows their so well known for. (I still miss Zayn though).

Night Changes


I don’t love this song but I do love this film clip. Because let’s face it, I think we’ve all wondered what it would be like to go on a date with all the boys in One Direction. Even if you don’t like them, you’ve probably thought about it. This clip shows you what it would be like and it turns out that Zayn, Louis, Niall, Liam, and Harry are all basically the lead girl from every romantic comedy ever because they fuck it up in the most adorable ways possible… okay maybe they’re actually kind of assholes but I like that too. I honestly love these assholes.

Kiss You 


Literally every time I watch this video I find something new to love and that’s saying something because I have seen this clip A LOT. It’s like this is a reaction to their early clips where they were still trying to push them into the established boyband mould. Gone are the no homo girls and while the clip is rife with cliches they’re leaning into it instead of away from it. They’re like ‘we’re a boyband so what’ and it’s lovely. Also this clip features Zayn and Harry getting cuddly, some of the greatest outfits these boys have every worn, and some truly hilarious dance moves. This video is a gift.

Best Song Ever


BEST VIDEO EVER! This is the clip I show everyone when they ask me what One Direction is all about because this is what they’re selling. The ‘we’re not like other boybands’ narrative has never played better than it did in this film clip. It’s written by James Corden AND the boys have to act. While they’re not bad they’re not good either and it’s SO endearing. Then they break the mold of all the other boy bands in such cliche ways it’s beautiful. Also all your fave 1D dance moves, Zayn makes a SERIOUSLY attractive woman, and Harry Styles would have chemistry with a vegetable. This film clip is peak One Direction and it will never fail to make me smile.