Recapturing Teen Wolf: Everything is Derek’s Fault… Again

Previously on Teen Wolf… Derek killed his first love under the very special druid sacrifice tree. Also Cora is dying and Jennifer is the Darach, basically Derek’s life sucks. Also Jennifer took the Sheriff and tried to kill Lydia.

It was a dark and stormy night at Beacon Hills Memorial Hospital. The people are panicking. A tree crashes through a window and Mama McCall is telling people what to do because she is apparently in charge of the hospital. She needs a raise, seriously, she is expected to do the work of a nurse, a doctor and the hospital administrator. *insert-shut-up-and-take-my-money-meme*

It was a dark and stormy night...

A doctor comes up to her in a panic. I am assuming he’s a doctor on account of the white coat but he doesn’t seem particularly together so he could be anyone. He upset because the weatherman didn’t say the storm was going to be this bad. To her credit Melissa doesn’t hit that dude (I would have hit him). She just tells him to go home – he only has one patient left in the building anyway… it’s Cora Hale of course.

In Cora’s room Peter is whipping his nieces forehead with a cloth (because that is what people do to show affection on television) and I am completely confused about Peter’s intentions. At first he doesn’t care about Cora, then doesn’t trust her and now he’s acting like a concerned family member. I’m getting whiplash trying to keep up with his emotions.

Yo we've got an undeveloped character here that needs some wants of her own.

Peter calls out for assistance and because she’s the only person that works in this hospital Mama McCall is the one that turns up. It’s super awkward on account of that one time Peter went out on a date with Melissa and then never called her because he was only using her to get to Scott who he need to help him go on a revenge killing spree. It’s no wonder Peter tries to slink into the shadows.

Don't worry Melissa we all feel that way about Peter - creeped out get strangely aroused.

Melissa: You’re supposed to be dead.

Peter: I get that a lot actually.

Luckily they are saved from more uncomfortable conversation when Cora wakes up and vomits up black goo with chunks of mistletoe. BTW thanks Teen Wolf, I can now tell what vomited up mistletoe looks at by sight. That’s not a skill I ever thought I’d have.

I'm kind of going to miss watching them try to fit every cliche into one single romance.

Meanwhile Jennifer turns up at Derek’s loft to try to play the desperate damsel card one last time. He’s waiting for her and she runs into his arms. Jennifer explains to Derek that Scott and Stiles are going to say awful and completely untrue things about her but the important thing to remember is that she is the one he should trust (even though they just met and actually know nothing about each other).

I was so temped to just post pictures of her face instead of a recap.

Jennifer: You have to trust me okay, you trust me.

Derek looks like he might fall for it, and it wouldn’t be the first time (Derek is the worst judge of character and should have all his relationships vetoed by Stiles – who is an excellent judge of character – from now on). Then they kiss and I guess it’s true what they say: if you want to know if he loves you so it’s in his kiss, that’s where it is. Almost as soon as their lips meet Jennifer’s eyes widen. Scott and Stiles are already there.

But Derek's face. He knows!

You guys have no idea how happy I am right now because Scott and Stiles decided to actually go to Derek and tell him what was going on rather than just assuming that everyone was in on it. They’re working together you guys! They’re communicating! They’ve come so far! I’m sorry but I have wasted way too many hours screaming at the television about the fact that they never communicate and now they’re doing it and it’s amazing and I have every right to squee about it.  

Stiles is crying! ABORT ABORT!

Derek looks over Jennifer’s shoulder as Scott and Stiles walk into the room. Stiles is crying and Scott looks like he’s about to murder someone, which is a big deal for actual hero Scott McCall because he’s generally against murder.

Jennifer tries to keep up the charade. Telling Derek that Scott and Stiles are lying, she doesn’t know anything about the murder even though she can describe everything that is happening in detail.

Stiles crying is the ultimate trump card.

Stiles: Where’s my dad?

Fuck this. It’s only 5 minutes in and I’m already crying so I may as well just give up now. Making Stiles cry is like repeatedly hitting a puppy with a kitten. Not cool Teen Wolf, totally not cool.

I'll believe you Jenny! Just point your face in my direction.

Jennifer: Derek tell me you don’t believe this?

Derek looks at Jennifer and then at Stiles and sorry Jenny you are totally adorable and almost irresistible but you just can’t compete with crying Stiles. Crying Stiles trumps everything. Ignore shipping preferences for a moment and just appreciate the fact that Derek really cares about Scott and Stiles. Derek turns back to Jennifer and…

Derek: Do you know what happened to Stiles father?

Jennifer insists that she doesn’t know but she has pretty much lost this argument because crying Stiles. Then Scott gets all righteous about Lydia (Scydia feelings) and tells Jennifer that they can prove it. He pulls a jar of ground mistletoe (it’s both a poison and a cure) and tosses it at Jennifer revealing her true face.

Smooth!

Derek grabs Jennifer by the neck, because that’s Derek for you. Violence first; feelings never. He’s going to kill Jennifer because Jennifer is just another representation of everything Derek does wrong. He can’t kill her though because she’s the only one that can save Cora.

Honestly though I don't know why he's even surprised at this stage. 

Derek calls Peter to check the facts (because Peter is completely trustworthy) – Cora is not doing very well and she’s vomiting up mistletoe. Hmm I wonder how Cora ended up vomiting mistletoe? Maybe it was the same person that tried to kill Danny with mistletoe? That would mean it was Jennifer. That means Jennifer is the reason Cora is sick. And she seems pretty together so she would have done that for a reason, which means she probably knew she would need a bargaining chip with Derek. But no we should definitely trust the person who has manipulated all of you into this exact position.

I ship them now. I am a terrible person don't ever listen to me.

Derek continues to strangle Jennifer even though Stiles yells at him to stop because without her they will never find the Sheriff. It’s only when Scott uses his authoritarian tone that Derek listens (because Scott is Derek’s alpha and nothing will convince me otherwise).

Jennifer: That’s right. You need me. All of you.

Boom pregnant. 

Jennifer looks directly at the camera and hot damn can I get pregnant from this?

Opening Credits.

Driving through the rain. Scott and Stiles in the Jeep. Jennifer and Derek in Derek’s fancy new Toyota.  Jennifer is still trying to get Derek to talk about his feelings and Derek is still trying to ignore the fact that feelings are a thing.

She still wants the D. 

Jennifer: You should know I’m not doing this because I have to. I want to. 

Sure Jennifer, you’re agreeing to help save Derek’s sister who you probably poisoned in the first place out of the goodness of your heart. Okay, well I actually believe that she doesn’t want Cora to die (she clearly has other more important plans), I’m just saying that she is more than likely the reason that Cora is in a position where dying is a possibility.

Jennifer: I’m only doing what I had to do.

Derek: Shut up.

Derek still kind of wants the V.

Derek is not interested in listening to you explain your actions Jennifer because he knows that he will probably fall for whatever nonsense you are selling. He’s easily manipulated and he knows it.

Jennifer: You need to know just how connected we really are.

Derek: Stop talking.

Okay that’s when things start getting a little weird Jen. Saying that you are Derek are connected is super creepy and it’s making me kind of uncomfortable considering I am still incredible attracted to you.

Back in Stiles jeep, Stiles is living up to his role as the genre savvy side-kick because he doesn’t trust Jennifer – he thinks this is all too easy.

I'm going to get "listen to Stiles" tattooed onto my forehead.

Stiles: I don’t know something feels wrong about this. We proved it to Derek but she still had this look like it didn’t matter. Like it was all still going according to plan.

Let’s just go back to the friendly mantra of the Teen Wolf fan since the first episode: EVERYONE SHOULD JUST ALWAYS LISTEN TO STILES! Or not you know. It’s not like they really have a choice in the matter.

They reach the hospital, it’s still dark and stormy and very rainy. When Stiles jumps out of his jeep he grabs something to take with him.

This is not a drill. Stiles is wet and he is holding a bat. I repeat this is not a drill!

Scott: What’s that?

Stiles: You’ve got claws, I’ve got a bat.

Teen Wolf can go a little overboard with the meta winks at times but this is the kind of nod that I like. If you’re not in the know it still makes sense for Stiles to have a bat but if you are in fandom you will probably be aware that Stiles using a bat as weapon is something of a trope.

Inside the hospital Derek is gripping on to Jennifer’s arm like she’s going to run at any second even though if she was going to do that she would have done it already. Melissa spots them in the hallway and tells them that the hospital is being evacuated so they should probably evacuate.

Stiles is so confused by the bat. 

Melissa: Why does Stiles have my bat?

Oh that’s perfect, that’s how you complete the perfect fan nod because another running joke is why the hell do the McCall’s keep a baseball bat in their house… and I just love the idea that Melissa keeps it for self-defense.

They are there to get Cora, yes all of them. Melissa says there will be an ambulance at the hospital in 20 minutes and Cora has to be in it. Scott tells his mom that she needs to trust him and get out of the hospital. I agree with this plan. Melissa you should most definitely go home and lock the door.

No. 

The pack (OMG THEY ARE A PACK I’M CYING) head off and the way Melissa watches her son walk away is probably one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever seen.

Scott, Stiles, Derek and Jennifer all get into the elevator because apparently they have forgotten the first rule of any disaster situation. Never ever use the elevator because the power will go out and you will be stuck in there. There is literally a written warning on every elevator telling you not to use it in case of emergency but they have to ignore that because werewolves can’t use stairs.

I don't think they like their new step-mom.

There is one plus though, I do love an awkward elevator ride. Derek looks up and is continues to pretend that this whole situation is not happening. Scott is still seething with righteous anger and Stiles looks about one eye twitch away from testing out his bat on Jennifer’s head. Jennifer just roles her eyes like she cannot understand how this became her life. Kids today, they’re so judgmental about murder and stuff.

Foursome anyone?

When they reach Cora’s room it’s empty and there is a trail of black goo leading out of the room and down the hall. Suddenly there’s commotion and Uncle Peter comes crashing through the closed doors at the end of the hall and lands at Derek and Jennifer’s feet.

Peter: We’ve got a problem… a big problem.

The big problem is in Peter's pants.

Literally, it’s a big problem. A big wolf to be exact. By their powers combined the Wonder twins have created Voltron wolf and he’s going on a rampage. Again Derek attacks first because the dude is nothing if not consistent and of course Derek’s taken down pretty quickly because he’s just a terrible werewolf.

Then Scott jumps in and he tries to reason with Ethan and Aiden but they are only after Jennifer, they don’t want to hurt Scott. And wait – when did the Alpha pack find out that Jennifer was the darach and how did they know she would be at the hospital? No sorry, I’m trying to apply logic to this show again, I’m going to stop before I get a migraine.

Stiles no. 

Stiles notices Cora’s limp body just beyond the fight so he grabs Peter to help him get to her. They make it to Cora’s body but unfortunately this allows Jennifer to get away. Everyone turns in time to see the doors of the elevator close.

Back in the lobby Melissa is still running the show but things are a bit all over the place so she doesn’t notice the barefoot woman in serious need of a pedicure walk in with a dapper blind man.

What is with that stick though? Is it made of mistletoe?

Jennifer hops out of the elevator only to be greeted by Deucalion and Kali – apparently it’s not a loving reunion. Deucalion throws his cane because it doubles as a spear and narrowly misses Jennifer’s head. Then Kali attacks and Jennifer retreats back into the elevator. Kali reaches the doors just before they close and tries to pry them open but Jennifer uses her darach powers to push Kali away from the door. Before Jennifer performs her magic her and Kali share a look and there’s clearly some history there… I’m going to assume it’s sexual history until proven otherwise (even then).

Jenny could take all these bitches down.

The pack are still running from the wonder twins – Derek yells at them to keep moving so naturally Stiles decides it’s a good time to stop and try to be a hero. Derek notices that Stiles has stopped and runs back to help him. Derek looks at Scott like, I got it this time because they take turns saving Stiles from his attempted heroics.

Worst bat ever! 

Stiles hides behind the door as Vultron Wolf enters then he takes the infamous McCall bat and smashes it over the back of the giant wolf’s head. It doesn’t hurt anything except the bat and Stiles actually looks personally offended by this turn of events. The bat has betrayed him. Then it’s up to Scott and Derek to fix Stiles mess. Scott knocks down a light (with a little boost from Derek) because how could we forget that Vultron Wolf’s one weakness is electricity.

Same Allison. 

Back at the school Allison pushed through the panicked crowd to find Isaac. Isaac can’t get on to Derek or Scott (because you know phones, am I right?). Lydia has bruising on her neck and is being taken to another hospital downtown because Beacon Hills Memorial Hospital is being evacuated – something about back up generators. It’s not important because Cora is at Beacon Hills Memorial (and apparently somewhere in the mess that was the middle of this season Cora and Isaac became friends).

Hottie Hunter Argent is in dad mode and he’s all I’m taking you kids home because apparently he doesn’t have a problem with werewolves hitting on his daughter as long as they are not Scott.

Chris: I’m taking the two if you home.

Isaac: N-no I have to get to the hospital. I can’t leave Cora there just with Peter.

That is the look of a man who is sick of his daughter bringing home strays. 

Thank you Isaac. That’s exactly what I was thinking. Isaac starts walking away and Allison looks at her dad all “please can we keep him, I’ll feed him and walk him I promise.” Then Chris is like “fine but he’s your responsibility”.  And they all head off to save everyone together (I’m not crying it’s just Isaac has two families now and it’s kind of making my eyes leak).

At the hospital Melissa is still there – she’s the last one, like the captain a nurse must go down with her hospital. She’s waiting for the elevator when she notices the cane/spear sticking out of the wall next to her. Oh no Mama McCall, RUN! Deucalion takes the cane out of Mama McCall’s hand and thanks her for minding it because he’s a dapper villain.

Mama McCall is having none of your shit Deucalion. 

Melissa: You’re him aren’t you?

Deucalion: Him?

Melissa: The bad guy.

Deucalion: You have no idea.

The lights go out revealing Deucalion’s creepy red eyes and you got to love this man’s flair for the dramatics.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking B1? 

Speaking of a flair for the dramatics, the twins transform into their separate selves in the shadow and then have an argument about whether or not they should kill Scott. Ethan doesn’t think they should, Aiden thinks they should do anything that keeps them from getting dead, which is what is going to happen if Jennifer is left to her own devices.

Derek, Stiles, Scott and Peter (who is carrying Cora’s limp body) are still running. They lock themselves in a room so they can talk strategy – and I am still not over the way that they are talking to each other and working together it’s amazing! Communication you guys! Communication is happening!

As soon as the door is closed Stiles notices that one of their party is missing. Where’s Ms Blake? Scott doesn’t answer him because she’s gone. She got away. The one lead they had to finding Stiles father is gone. This is Stiles breaking point, he looks like he is going to go one of two ways – he’s either going crazy anger or complete despair (don’t worry the despair will come later). He just needs someone to snap him out of it.

NOW KISS! 

Derek: Quiet!

Stiles: Me be quiet? Me? Are you telling me what do you now? When your psychotic mass murdering girlfriend, the second one you’ve dated by the way, has got my dad somewhere tied up waiting to be ritually sacrificed.

There has been a lot said about this moment – I could just make a humorous comment about how hot it is when they get up in each other’s face like that (and it is super hot) but this is actually just really depressing. Because this is two utterly broken people. Stiles is just so angry at everything and what he says is horrible – pulling the Kate card, that’s almost as bad as pulling the mom card with his dad. And Derek just stands there and takes it. You can make this as shippy as you want but this scene is just really representative of where both Stiles and Derek are as characters (and it’s exactly the kind of moment we have been missing in the previous episodes). That is two people that are just done.

Also I am going to need someone to write me a fic about Stiles finding out about Kate… because since when did anyone know about Derek and Kate? Is it only Stiles that knows? That makes sense. He’s the detective, maybe he worked it out and this is the first time he’s ever actually used the information. I hope that’s the case because it makes what Stiles said so much worse.

Scott jumps in to prevent further arguing between Stiles and Derek because he knows that when they get started it can go for hours. There are more important things to worry about, like Cora there must be something they can do to help her?

She's back bitches!

Bam! Enter Jennifer like a total badass and she’s all nope. There’s nothing anyone except me can do. God damn it she’s attractive when she’s being villainous.

Jennifer: I can save her and I can tell you where Sheriff Stilinski is.

But she’s not going to help for free. There’s a pack of Alpha’s that want her dead and she need help to get out of the hospital alive.

I agree to all of your terms and conditions and will do whatever you want me to do. 

Jennifer: I’ll help you but only when I’m our of here and safe.

Derek does not like this plan – he decides that the best course of action is to attack without considering the consequences because that’s kind of his thing. Scott stops him before he reaches Jennifer but Derek’s lust for violence doesn’t look like it’s going away any time soon.  Stiles has a suggestion for compromise, how about Jennifer heals Cora to show she’s one of the good guys but Jennifer is smarter than that, she’s not helping until she’s safe.

Peter: I’d like to volunteer a different method of persuasion… let’s torture her.

Derek is 100% behind this plan (and I didn’t see Stiles face but I think he probably would have agreed) but Scott is against all torturing all the time because he is a big damn hero! Unfortunately this week’s episode of Scott McCall is better than you is interrupted by an announcement over the PA.

Scott's face is doing the thing that I don't like again. 

It’s Mama McCall, she’s got an ultimatum from he good friend Mr Deucalion, I mean just Deucalion. Deucalion wants Jennifer, if they hand her over everyone else can go home free. They have 10 mins.

Jennifer: He’s not gonna hurt her.

Derek: Shut up.

More more more!

Derek continued desperation to ignore the fact that he’s having conflicting feelings about Jennifer is actually my favorite thing. Jennifer roles her eyes, Scott knows they won’t hurt his mom because Deucalion wants Scott in his pack. Cue Derek’s heartbreak… even the bad guys don’t want him.

More soaking wet attractive people. Have you been reading my Christmas list?

Chris, Allison and Isaac finally arrive at the hospital (I’d make a 15 minutes late with Starbucks joke but I think those are pretty much over). BTW it looks like Chris took advantage of the same Toyota sale that everyone except Stiles did – they must have been giving them away.  Isaac can’t pick up ascent – he says it’s because of the rain but I think it’s because he’s just not a very good werewolf.

Jennifer: Deucalion doesn’t just want an Alpha pack he wants perfection. That means adding the rarest of the Alpha’s to his ranks.

Peter: A true Alpha?

Stiles: What’s that?

Peter: The kind that doesn’t have to steal his power from another.

Love triangle?

Peter looks pointedly at Derek and excuse me pot have you met the kettle. Dude you literally murdered your own niece in cold blood so you could become an alpha. Derek killed you because you were going on a murder spree – and is now really the time to point out Derek’s failures? No because Derek is such a failure that it’s not even sad anymore it’s just kind of funny. The fandom has hit breaking point – no one is crying over Derek everyone’s just making humorous memes.

Peter: One that can rise by the force of his own will. Our little Scott.

Get your grubby little hands away from him Peter. He's not yours. 

The way Peter looks at Scott suggests that he had a part in Scott’s true Alpha status… which I guess he did if you count biting someone against their will and then trying to force them to help you commit a series of revenge killings. In case you are wondering I do not count that I still think that Peter should be cut into little pieces by Lydia.

Scott: It doesn’t matter.

Because to Scott it doesn’t matter what is title is and that’s why he is a true Alpha. He is going to get Jennifer out and he is going to rescue his mom from Deucalion and then they are going to save Cora and find Stiles’s dad. That is what is happening and he won’t hear of anything else.

Actual Superhero Scott McCall

Stiles jumps in and tries to question Scott’s choices – because his mom is in danger and can we talk about how this moment is just a perfect representation of why Scott is a hero in ways Stiles will never be. If Deucalion had either Scott or the Sheriff hostage Stiles would give Jennifer up in a second. No questions asked. Just done deal. Even if it meant someone else was dead. But not Scott. Scott doesn’t believe in no win scenarios (which is perfect because it makes what happens at the end of this episode so much more heartbreaking).

Scott: I’ll distract them (the twins).

Derek: You mean fight them.

Scott: Whatever I have to do.

Derek: I’ll help you.

So. Many. Feelings! Scott is Derek’s alpha! Derek wants to be like Scott! Derek wants to be the hero so bad and Derek’s life is just so awful because every time he tries to be the hero, every time he tries to do the right thing he fails miserably. And that’s what makes Derek a sympathetic character, because even though he does some awful things, he keeps trying and if he let’s Scott take the lead he might actually do something right.

I wouldn't leave without Derek either. 

There’s a problem though because Jennifer doesn’t want to be left alone with unhinged one and two (Stiles and Peter) – also she’s still trying to get back into Derek’s pants… he must have been really good in bed.

Then to everyone’s surprise Peter volunteer’s to help Scott… and I don’t know if they should trust him but they don’t really have much choice. He’s not going into the fight without a weapon, something better than a baseball bat.

Everyone – except Jennifer – starts searching the room for a weapon of some kind. Stiles picks up a defibrillator and suggests to Derek that maybe this could work.

Stiles: Hey Derek, Derek! Did I do good?

Derek: You know how to use those?

Stiles: No.

Derek: Put them down.

Derek: No. 

Two things about this. One: if someone picks up a defibrillator at any point during an episode, you know that defibrillator is going to be used by the end of the episode. It is Chekhov’s defibrillator. Two: give me all the Stiles asking for Derek’s opinion and listening to his advice all the time please, thank you!

The Scott picks up and giant syringe filled with epinephrine… but Derek says that’s just going to make them stronger. Peter pipes up at stronger?

Peter: How strong?

Doping in werewolf games... is it okay?

Cut to Peter lurching out of the room like Frankenstein’s monster with the giant needled embedded in his chest. This is without a doubt one of the best Teen Wolf moments ever. Peter pulls out the syringe and turns towards his attackers as Scott stands behind him.

Peter: All right boys, let’s rumble.

They rumble.

Stiles, Derek and Jennifer take Cora to the basement where the last ambulance is still waiting. Derek places Cora in the back of the truck with Stiles and then Jennifer calls to him. Before leaving Derek gives Stiles a look which either means: “look after my sister or I’ll rip your throat out with my teeth” or “I love you when this is all over we should make out and then maybe have babies together”. I’m not sure which.

Stop staring at each other, you're confusing the fangirls.

The ambulance driver is dead… that’s not good. There is the familiar tick tick tick of Kali’s toenails against concrete (the more you think about it the grosser that is). She calls out the name “Julia” and going by the look on Jennifer’s face I’m guessing that’s her real name. Stiles locks the ambulance door and Jennifer tells Derek that he can’t beat her alone.

As far as dates go this is pretty normal for you guys right?

Derek: That’s why we’re gonna run.

And wait? Did that actually happen? Did Derek just choose not to engage in a fight that he was probably going to lose? Look I know Jenny’s a homicidal maniac but she’s a good influence on Derek, maybe he could keep her like as an advisor or something (as long as she doesn’t kill any of the parents because there’s no coming back from that). Also I love the fact that the only person that Jennifer seems genuinely afraid of is Kali.

My fave part of Derek's plans it the moment he realises that he got it wrong... again.

Anyway the smart moves don’t last very long because they end up in the elevator. Again completely ignoring the friendly and very clear warning about not using it in case of an emergency and of course that is when the power goes out. Derek is very upset by this because now there is no escaping the feelings talk that he has desperately been trying to avoid.

Who would in: Melissa vs. Deucalion (I'm better on Melissa).

Melissa is on the roof with Deucalion, apparently he just needed her to show him where the power-switch is and now she’s free to go. Melissa looks pretty suspicious and I am too, especially after Deucalion whispers for her to be careful as she runs away. It’s pretty clear that he knows something we don’t know.

The envy of thousands of teenage girls. 

Back in the basement, Stiles looks slightly less terrified after he checks the lock on the ambulance door but that’s only until he notices Cora’s not breathing. Stiles freaks but then regains control – the kid’s good in a crisis unless it directly involves his dad or Scott. Stiles performs mouth-to-mouth and thankfully Cora starts breathing again (even though I love this episode I am still pissed about what they are doing to poor Cora).

Stiles achievement face is my favourite face. 

Stiles: You know next time I put my lips to your mouth you better be awake.

That’s a good goal Stiles! It’s generally better when the people you are kissing are conscious. I would actually be 100% behind this relationship (if Cora was a more well rounded character) but as we know Cora’s not coming back for 3B it doesn’t seem worth the investment.

In the elevator, Derek is looking for a way out of the emotional conversation he’s about to have. He spots the service hatch and he’s about to punch it open when Jennifer stops him. All it would do would be make a lot of noise telling the alpha’s exactly where they are then Derek would end up fighting them in a elevator shaft.

Keep talking. Like that. Yeah. Communicate. Harder! Faster! 

Jennifer: They’ll rip my head off before you even have a chance to land a punch. 

Derek does not look impressed by Jenny’s lack of faith in his punching abilities but he actually listens to her (because even Derek knows he’s terrible at decisions). He has a new plan and it’s an awesome plan because it involves communicating with Scott and you know how much I like it when they communicate.

Nice hashtag MTV.

Peter is running through the hall – he collapses, that shot didn’t last very long. Scott helps him up and carries him into the laundry room. Damn sometimes I am overwhelmed by Scott’s decency because he just helped the dude that ruined his life… if I was in that position I would have left Peter Hale to die (that’s if I didn’t kill him myself) and that is why Scott is the hero not me.

They need to figure out a way to get past the twins, who are really starting to piss them off.

Peter: Personally I think if we keep letting them beat the living crap out us they’ll tire and give up.

When Lydia kills Peter I bet he will have the best last words ever. Totally sassy and just a little bit creepy. Then Scott spots the laundry shoot and a light bulb appears above his head.

They jump down the shoot landing in some lovely soft dirty hospital laundry – nice and of course Scott lands on top of Peter… occasionally I forget that I’m watching a campy MTV show about werewolves then that happens and I remember.

So it started in the laundry shoot and then... porn.

Peter: You couldn’t have waited like 10 seconds?

Yeah he might have waited if you had thought about not ruining his life. Peter you’re as sassy bastard and you look damn good in a v-neck but you need to die a slow painful death.

Back in the ambulance, Stiles is having a heartfelt chat to unconscious Cora and I can’t help but think that the most narrative worth Cora has had as a character has been since she passed out. But not important because Stiles is crying, which means we must drop everything and cry with him.

Did I meantion that Stiles crying is like the worst? Because it's the worst!

Stiles: Trust me if anyone’s gonna get us out of this, it’s Scott. (laughs) I can’t believe I just said that. You know I used to be the one with the plan. Well as least the plan B. Now I’m thinking maybe you were right. Maybe we are pretty much useless. Maybe all we really do is show up and find the bodies…

And then we get to the crux of the emotions.

Stiles: I don’t want to find my father’s body.

That is pretty much the point of Stiles character. He doesn’t want to find his father’s body. That is his ultimate want. Every choice he makes every thing he does is working towards that goal so if they kill the Sheriff then Stiles is going to snap and go dark (either that or just stop breathing).

Stiles: You know you’re a lot easier to talk to when you’re completely unconscious.

Don't say Scott never brings you things Stiles. 

There’s a noise, and the heartfelt moment is over. Voltron Wolf is just outside and there is nothing Stiles can do. Again he is confronted with his utter helplessness. Also can we take a moment to appreciate just how much self control it took Stiles not to go and investigate (curiosity is not killing this cat), we call that character growth. There’s another noise but it’s okay, it’s just Scott and Peter. Stiles helps Peter into the ambulance and Scott heads back out to get his mom, Derek and Jennifer.

Isaac is like a pack slut. He's in everyone's pack.

Upstairs Chris, Isaac and Allison share a moment when Chris cocks his gun and Isaac gets arouse and then listens to the floor.

Scott is attacked by Vultron Wolf! He/they insist that they are not trying to hurt Scott but Scott doesn’t think they are trying very hard considering they are currently strangling him.

Actual Superhero Mama McCall

Melissa: HEY! I’d like to try something!

BAMF Mama McCall brings the return of Chekhov’s defibrillator (told you it’d be back). I am not ashamed of how loud I screamed when this happened. Melissa takes down Voltron Wolf because remember their one weakness is electricity. Scott looks at his mom like she’s Santa and Jesus rolled into one.

Scott: My mom's the coolest!

Melissa: Sweetheart, get up.

Scott takes his mothers hand and they run off together like the badass superhero team that they are. And we have to talk about the McCall’s because the McCall’s are the best parent/child relationship on this show. That is a relationship built on trust and respect. People always go on about the Stilinski’s and I love them but not because they have a great relationship – I love the Stilinski’s because they’re relationship is kind of fucked. The Sheriff has never trusted Stiles, remember way back in the pilot when Stiles was caught out in the woods and the Sheriff just assumed Stiles was lying. Melissa and Scott trust each other, completely and it’s amazing. That is a relationship built off love and mutual respect. I just have a lot of feelings about the McCall’s okay.

This is a visual representation of Derek's life: being stuck in small spaces with evil ex's while he waits for Scott to call. 

Derek is standing in the elevator, waiting for a text from Scott and desperately trying to avoid having the feelings conversation with Jennifer. She’s having none of his avoidance though, they are doing this.

You guys should probably have angry sex.

Jennifer: Derek I know what you’re thinking. That I’m using you. That everything that has happened between us is a lie or that I’m evil. A bitch. But I hope you’re not thinking the most superficial though is that her real face, the slash mutilated face revealed by the mistletoe, is that what she really looks like?

I can’t help but think that this speech is for the audience as much as it is for Derek. Calling us out on our assumptions because let’s face it, that’s what most of us were thinking. It’s also playing on Derek’s weakness though – tricked by a pretty face again, just like Kate. Damn Jennifer is so manipulative and I love it.

Kali, you should kill him. You are way cooler than he is. 

Kali thinks that Deucalion is an idiot for letting Mama McCall and Deucalion doesn’t care what Kali thinks because Jennifer is her fault. Her name was Julia and the way Kali says it suggests they were very close.

Her face though? Why?

Her name was Julia Bacari, Jennifer explains to a very reluctant Derek. He’s standing by the door of the elevator waiting for his escape. Jennifer laughs about the fact that she should have changed her initials and then babbles about how people who go into witness protection subconsciously chose an alias that is connected to their real name because your name is so tied to your sense of self. You know what else is tied to your sense of self, you’re face and Julia/Jennifer is pretty upset that her face got scratched to pieces by Kali’s toes.

Derek insists that he doesn’t care but Jennifer knows that he must be at least a little bit curious.

Derek: You were and emissary, they tried killing you along with the rest of the pack. Mystery solved. 

Jennifer: I was Kali’s emissary and I was the one she couldn’t kill.

Another fucking flashback: Julia (aka Jennifer) is lying in the dirt. Her face is cut to pieces. Kali stands over her… and it was all yellow.

Oh so this is a love story. 

Kali: (VO) I didn’t understand why I had to kill her too, she was harmless.

Right friggin now: Kali is angry, she did everything Deucalion wanted to be in his pack. Deucalion says that she did it all for Ennis but I don’t buy it because she seems to have more of connection with Julia in one flashback than she ever did with Ennis.

Deucalion: Don’t point that accusing toe at me.

And that’s it, that’s the call of the night. Also Julia/Jennifer is not so harmless now is she? Deucalion’s all, someone fucked up and it wasn’t me. Kali insists she thought Julia was dead, except did she? Did she really?

Kali: Are you asking if maybe there was a moment of uncertainty? That when I walked away thinking she was dead that maybe I turned back. And maybe I saw her there lying perfectly still but I focuses my hearing anyway, listened to the sound of her heart still beating, still fighting for life and I thought I could go back and finish it or I could let someone I love die peacefully. And maybe I just kept walking.

Yeah, Kali and Julia were lovers and I refuse to accept anything else. Kali loved Jennifer but she chose power over love and she has regretted it ever since. That’s why she will ultimately let Deucalion die because Deucalion is the reason she made the greatest mistake of her life.

Are you going to let him talk to you like that Kali?

Deucalion: My heart bleeds for you Kali, apparently hears could have bled a little more.

Another fucking flashback: Julia crawls her way to the Nemeton – the special druid tree that we found out about in that one episode that we don’t mention because it was that terrible.

Go Julia, Go! 

Jennifer: For years the Nemeton’s power was virtually gone, like the dying ember of a burned out fire.

Watch who you’re talking too Jenny – let’s avoid the fire talk shall we.

Jennifer: But a few months earlier something happened that caused that ember to glow a little brighter. Something that gave it a spark of power again. The sacrifice of a virgin. You didn’t know what you were going back then. Killing Paige in the root cellar, sacrificing her there, gave power to the Nemeton. You gave me power. Just enough to hold onto life a little longer. Long enough to be found.

All the awards for acting to Haley Webb.

Four things: One – Haley Webb is exceptional in this episode I believe every word she says. Two – Derek was fifteen when Paige died and Julia was attacked 10 years ago meaning that Derek is probably 25 years old. Three – you’re telling me that Paige and Derek were running around meeting up in abandoned buildings and we’re supposed to believe they didn’t have sex? Four – everything is Derek’s fault… again.

Let’s just do a quick recap shall we – Season 1: Peter is the bad guy because he was badly burned in a fire lit by Kate who got her information from Derek. Season 2: The Kanima kills a whole bunch of people and Jackson is the Kanima because Derek gave him the bite. Season 3: Jennifer lives to kill a whole bunch of innocent people because Derek accidentally sacrificed his gf under a special druid tree. Yup good. Just so we’re clear that’s a lot of guilt for one dude to have. Congrats Derek on not being more fucked up than you are.

Melissa tells Scott that Deucalion’s just let her go without a reason and proving that Scott has definitely become savvier and less trusting Scott thinks that Deucalion must have a plan.

McCalls! The actual best family.

Scott: He had to have a reason. I don’t think he does anything without a reason.

Melissa: Well if that means I should continue to be profoundly terrified then don’t worry about it. I got that covered.

Stop, there’s a noise. It’s okay though it’s just the Argents + Isaac. No time for reunions though, there are Alpha werewolves to fight.

Back in the elevator Jennifer is still talking and Derek has started listening… this is why Derek should not be left alone with the bad guy. He’s too easily manipulated! Jennifer tells a lovely story about the origin of the mistletoe kiss tradition. It comes from Norse mythology – Baldr’s mother Frigg made every object on earth swear a vow never to hurt Baldr. All the objects agreed except mistletoe, which was overlooked as unimportant. Loki (because it had to be Loki) fashioned a weapon out mistletoe and killed Baldr. Frigg was pissed and vowed that mistletoe would never be used as a weapon again – and she would lay a kiss on anyone that wandered under it. Thus the kissing under the mistletoe (and thank god for it because where would fan fic be without mistletoe kisses).

Don't listen to the bad woman Derek.

Jennifer: We were the overlooked.

Title drop! Again. Well done Teen Wolf, you manage to get it in there every single time. That’s a solid effort. Deucalion made a mistake by killing the emissaries – well actually I think Kali made a mistake by not killing them properly but I guess Jenny is blinded by love. Anyway Julia/Jennifer survived and swore an oath to teach the monster a lesson (and she chose the disguise of a teacher, I like you Jenny).

Fantastic villain.

My favourite thing about Jennifer is her blind belief that what she is doing is for the greater good. I know a lot of people define Kate by her convictions and beliefs but Kate was psychotic. Kate enjoyed killing and used her beliefs as an excuse. Jennifer seems to understand what she is doing is wrong on some level, she just thinks it’s worth it. Destroying Deucalion and the Alpha’s is worth the sacrifice of innocent people… and that kind of makes her scarier. It also makes her an incredibly interesting character.

Derek: You killed innocent people.

Jennifer: So have you.

Jennifer mentions the colour of his eyes but that’s not it. It’s not Paige’s death that she’s talking about – although Derek feels guilty about that – it’s all the other deaths that I mentioned above. It’s Peter’s victims and Jackson’s and even Jennifer’s. In Derek’s mind he is responsible for all those deaths and I think part of him wants to believe that Jennifer is doing the right thing because at least then the deaths might be worth something.

Jennifer: I’m not asking you to have just my life. I’m asking you to save everyone they’ll ever hurt again.

Everyone is just pawns in Jenny's games. 

And there she’s done it, she’s played into Derek’s hero complex and she’s planted the seed of doubt. But how is she going to do it? – well that comes back the lunar eclipse. Boyd asked when he was dying what happened to werewolves during a lunar eclipse and the answer is that they lose all their powers! DUN DUN DUN!

Chris, Scott, Isaac, Melissa and Allison try to work out how they are going to get Derek and Jennifer out of the elevator. And you guys they’re working together and talking and planning and listening and it’s wonderful. NGL I would watch a whole episode of them strategizing. I am too happy this is all going to end terribly because it’s only episode 10.

Is Isaac in heat? Thoughts?

Chris: I don’t even think I know which teacher this is?

Isaac: She’s the one with the brown hair… she’s kind of hot.

Everyone looks at Isaac.

Isaac: Just an observation.

Cue canned laughter.

I think they're all wondering about the heat thing. 

Seriously though Isaac needs to get laid – it’s like he’s constantly in heat. But it’s not all comic relief because Isaac’s observation prompts Allison to make an observation of her own. Isaac likes longhaired brunettes (and short-haired brunettes and just everyone really), she is also a longhaired brunette… I think I know where this is going.

Deucalion and Kali are waiting, the wonder twins are still wandering the halls of the hospital and Derek gets a message from Scott, which prompts Jennifer to take off her seriously sexy shoes. Isaac sits in the Toyota where he gets a video call from Allison on his AT&T Motorola.

Sass level: Catastrophic 

Allison: Not nervous are you?

Isaac: Do I look nervous?

Allison: No, not at al.

Chris: (off-screen) Did he look nervous?

Allison: (off-screen) Terrified. 

Isaac: Yeah I can still hear you… very, very clearly.

The Wonder twins are still searching the halls of the hospital (I don’t think they are trying very hard) when they hear the sound of someone running in heals. There’s someone running all right, and from behind they look and awful lot like Jennifer so the wonder twins make chase and when Isaac sees them run past his video call he starts the car and drives of. The plan is in motion!

I just don't understand why Kali doesn't waste the rest of the losers in the Alpha pack.

The female figure runs outside and the wonder twin’s follow, also Kali jumps out of a third story window and lands on her feet (it’s awesome!). It’s too bad they have run right into the Argents trap, Allison picks up her bow and start shooting flashbombs at the wolves, she’s soon joined by Chris who is firing his gun in slow motion again (* fans self *).

I'm having Argent-related problems. 

On the roof Melissa turns the power back on and Derek pushes the button on the elevator waiting for his escape. Except he’s made a terrible mistake… again. He’s turned his back on his enemy and that’s when the Darach shows her true face.

Oh Stiles. 

Isaac drives into the basement and helps Stiles and Peter get Cora into the car. It’s all going according to plan until Stiles notices something as he closing the door to the ambulance. The color drains from his face as his eyes run across the words “Parent or Guardian”. He’s figured it out, the missing piece but it’s too late. Isaac yells at Stiles to come on and get into the car but Stiles ignore him and runs back into the building.

Oh Scott. 

Scott runs down the hall – thinking for one last moment that he’s won. That he’s managed to do it all. That he’s managed to save everyone but then he spots it. Derek’s unconscious body lying on the elevator floor. He looks up the hatch is open and Jennifer is nowhere to be seen. It dawns on Scott, there’s only one person left upstairs… his mom. He runs.

Stiles is running after him, calling for Scott. He stops for a moment to contemplate Derek’s body but then quickly follows his best friend. Isaac is still in the garage, waiting for Scott and Stiles to return.

Peter: Come on drive you idiot.

Isaac: I can’t not without Scott.

Peter: What you want the Argent’s dead too make a choice?

Peter should not be left alone with the abuse victim okay?

And that’s it isn’t it. Isaac has to make a choice. You can read this choice two ways the first way is that he has to decided between the selfish choice, which would be to run back to save Scott (like Stiles had done without hesitation) and the hero choice, which is to save Cora and the Argents. The other option is that he is choosing between Scott and Allison (which one he wants to be with). If you look at it the first way, he’s choosing Scott. If you look at it the second way, he’s choosing Allison. Make of that what you will. Personally I like option number 3… both.

Scott reaches the roof calling for his mom but it’s too late. She’s gone and the only person left is Deucalion. He knew what guardians meant and he would have told Scott if he had agreed to be in his pack.

No. 

Deucalion: Let me help you Scott. You help me catch her and I help you get your mother and Stiles’s father back.

And you can see it on Scott’s face, Deucalion has won. Scott thought he could do it all and he failed. He thought he could be a better friend, a better son, a better werewolf and he all he ended up doing was letting his mom get taken. His one person. His family. His life. So he makes the hard choice. The only choice really.

Hell no. 

Then Stiles is there and if you have ever read one of my recaps before you will know that I have a weakness and that weakness is Scott and Stiles friendship. Dammit this is the yellow crayon moment all over again!

Stiles: Scott there’s got to be something else okay we always have a plan B.

Scott: Not this time.

Fuck this!

If I can type through the tears I want to say that I saw someone say that this is Scott basically saying he doesn’t believe in Stiles – because of what Stiles said earlier about always being the one with the plan B. That’s just not true though. Scott is making the ultimate heroic sacrifice. There is a reason Stiles repeated that phrase though and that’s because he blames himself. That’s his way of saying that he should have been able to figure a way out of this. Scott shouldn’t be in the position where he has to make this choice. Stiles is the one with a plan and he failed.

Fuck everything!

Scott: I’m gonna find your dad I promise.

Then Scott turns and walks away leaving Stiles alone on that roof blaming himself for everything and this stupid fucking show about stupid fucking werewolves is going to give me a brain hemorrhage.  

You're damn right Save the guardians or I am coming for you Teen Wolf. 

Finally – Melissa wakes up (she’s alive thank god)  tied pretty heavily – it seems Jennifer’s not likely to underestimate Mama McCall. The Sheriff is across from her, he says that they’re in a root cellar but that’s not what Jennifer called it.

Sheriff: She called it something different. She called it a Nemeton.

To be continued…