Thursday, April 25, 2013

Recapturing Teen Wolf: Mutual Jacket Tugging and Other Adventures

Previously on Teen Wolf… Wolf’s bane is a thing, Derek’s wanted for murder (thanks Scott) and Jackson’s got a scratch. Scott wants the cure and Derek needs Scott’s help, they’re going to kill the Alpha.

Mr Harris is alone in a darkened classroom, idiot. Doesn’t he realize that he’s in the cold open of a supernatural drama? Can’t he hear the dramatic music? I guess not. On the table is note that he’s not responsible for, it’s a list of names all of which are cross out except for his. The Alpha is behind him. To his credit Mr Harris does not turn around even when the Alpha demands it (that’s like rule one of horror survival, if someone tells you to turn around… don’t). It’s Laura’s list and apparently Harris has something to feel guilty about.

It’s exciting for a moment because it looks as though the Alpha is going to gut Harris (dickhead) but then Derek has to come along and ruins everything by playing hero. Derek’s heroics are interrupted by the sound of sirens, that’s right he’s wanted for murder.

Derek runs through the industrial area of Beacon Hills (which is apparently right near the school) – police cruisers are in hot pursuit including Sheriff Stilinski himself. It’s not just the police, the hunters are out as well. Hottie Hunter Argent tells a very confused Aunt Kate that he just watched Derek run into the iron works. If Derek’s on foot then who’s driving his car?

Cut to Scott and Stiles driving the Camaro.

Title Card!

The police make the mistake of sending the dogs in after Derek, he quickly scares them off with his werewolfliness.

Kate is still chases after Scott and Stiles. Scott’s not quite grasping the concept of a car chase: put the pedal to the metal Scott! He speeds up and soon Kate disappears, there’s no celebration though because the police scanner announces that Derek is on foot in the iron works.

Papa Argent could get it... no doubt.
Hottie Hunter Argent shoots a very forlorn looking Derek who’s face just can’t fathom why people are always trying to kill him. It’s okay though, Scott and Stiles to the rescue! The Camaro burst onto the scene and Derek jumps in.

Scott and Derek exchange insults – arguing over which one is the worst decision maker. Derek doesn’t know the meaning of laying low and Scott is the reason he has to. It’s pretty evenly matched. Derek’s just upset because he had the Alpha  in his grasp then the police showed up and ruined everything. Stiles tries to defend his dad but Derek shoots him a look that says shut up or I’ll do something both of us will regret like kiss you.

Is that supposed to be a menacing look Derek? Because you probably shouldn't be starring at his mouth.
Then Derek actually willingly gives Scott and Stiles information (see guys he can do team work when he tries – he’s not always silent). He shows Scott the symbol Laura gave him, Scott recognizes it immediately: it’s Allison’s necklace.

At School, Scott has to get Allison’s necklace but he doesn’t know how to do that considering Allison broke up with him.

Stiles: Just say hey Allison can I borrow your necklace to see if there’s anything on it or in it that might lead me to the alpha werewolf that I need to kill in order to get back together with you.

Yup that's Scott's naked Allison face again. 
Scott’s not listening though, he’s thinking about Allison in the shower. Now I’m thinking about Allison in the shower… I mean what?

Jackson’s at the doctor’s seeing about the love scratch Derek gave him. He’s been having dreams, nightmares and something tells me this little trip to the doctor is another one of those nightmares. Yup those are some mighty scary looking implements there doc. The doctor pulls a very long string of wolfs bane out of the back of Jackson’s next (seriously what is with creepy shit coming out of Jackson?). Jackson images it's actually Derek and things just got kinky. 

I'm pretty sure I've had this dream before.
He wakes up – the doctor (the real doctor not the monster doctor from the dream) says he has nothing to worry about except he does have aconite poisoning (aka wolfs bane).

Mama McCall ain't falling for your shit Jackson.
Jackson tries to flirt with Mama McCall but she’s not buying it (guess you’re not everybody’s type Jackson) but she folds when he mentions Scott. She’s probably just really happy that Scott has friends that aren’t Stiles. Jackson uses Mama McCall’s computer to look up wolf’s bane. His eyes light up; he’s worked it out.

Jackson confronts Scott at his locker, he just looks so pleased with himself. It would be adorable if he wasn’t being so horrible to Scott. He wants Scott to get him the bite or he will tell Allison everything. You boys really need to stop treating Allison like she's some kind of toy that can be passed between you... it's not cool. 

Scott of course, runs straight to Stiles. They wonder how the hell Jackson found out while having another loud conversation about werewolves in the middle of a crowded hallway… yeah I wonder how that happened? Stiles has a plan, it’s just going to take a little time and Derek. Scott reminds Stiles that it’s his first game as first line that evening. Stiles tells Scott not to worry (he’s already come to terms with the fact that he’s not going to make it).

He just looks so hopeful that his idiotic idea is going to work. Oh Scott.
In class, Scott attempts a reconciliation by sending Allison pictures of them when they were happy together and then he’s confused as to why she storms out of the room. Are you trying to make her feel worse Scott? That was not cool. Allison asks Scott not to talk to her anymore.

Lunch time and Stiles is stuffing his face full of food as Scott whines about Allison not loving him because he knows nothing about girls and they are totally psychotic. Because sending your ex happy snaps of you guys making out is perfectly healthy. Not to worry though, Stiles has a plan B: Scott steals the necklace.

While Scott and Stiles discuss their werewolf business in the middle of another busy room, Jackson watches. He grabs Scott’s attention by eating and apple (because that’s not homoerotic at all, I swear to goodness this fucking show). Scott tries to ignore Jackson’s taunts.

Scott: Say something, talk to me.
Stiles: I can’t think of anything my mind if a complete blank.
Scott: Your mind’s blank? You can’t think of anything to say?
Stiles: Not under this kind of pressure.  

After Stiles fails to talk for the first time in his life, Scott has no choice but to listen to Jackson. Jackson is going to ruin Scott’s life if he doesn’t get what he wants. Then he says a bunch of vaguely sexual things about Allison (of course Allison doesn’t get a say in the matter) but honestly it just feels like Jackson is talking dirty to Scott.

Speaking of sexy – Jackson and Allison are in the pool. Jackson wins again – but he has an unfair advantage: his cheekbones are aerodynamically suited for speed in water. He legitimately said that… douche.

You're children would be so beautiful they would be classified as weapons of mass destruction.
Scott’s watching from the bleachers while going through Allison’s bag in search of the necklace. It’s not there.

After a successful round of pool flirting Jackson walks smugly down the halls where he’s confronted by Lydia. She wants to know if the text he sent breaking up with her was a joke. It wasn’t a joke because there’s no “haha” at the end of it. Jackson’s making some preparations for some big changes. He’s decided to drop some of the dead weight in his life, which apparently includes Lydia. Jackson stalks off leaving Lydia alone in the hallway.

I will forgive you a lot of things Jackson but I will never forgive you for making Lydia look like this.
Stiles burst into his room with his usual enthusiasm too caught up in whatever’s going on in his mind to notice the attractive brooding werewolf lurking menacingly in the background. That is until his dad calls and he turns around, confronted with Derek. He rushes to the door to prevent his father from enter his room, where he’s apparently hiding a wanted man.

Stilinski family hugs should come with a hazard warning, I can't see through the tears.
There’s an adorable Stilinski family moment, where the Sherriff is proud of Stiles because he’s finally going to play and Stiles is nervous because he knows it’s probably not going to happen. They hug, and I cry. Damn those Stilinski men they do horrible things to my emotions.

But really - are we supposed to not ship that?
Once his father is gone Stiles closes the door and Derek thrust him up against it warning him not to say anything like: “hey dad Derek Hale’s in my room bring your gun”.  Stiles house, Stiles rules. Then mutual jacket tugging happens and wham, bam, thank you mam we’ll ship that right away money is no problem.

Meanwhile Scott sneaks into Allison’s room to search for the necklace and I find myself praying that he doesn’t do anything creepy like smell her underwear (like you weren’t thinking the same thing). He finds it, but not before he get’s all-emotional about his break up.

Stiles let’s Derek in on his plan – someone sent a text to Allison pretending to be Scott, they just have to trace the text and they will find the Alpha. Unfortunately Stiles doesn’t have the skills to trace a text, but he knows someone that does.

Enter Danny, Stiles knows he can do it because he looked up his arrest report (he was a minor, they dropped the charges – and I really want to know what Danny hacked into). He’s not interesting in helping Stiles do something illegal (because he’s not an idiot). He’s here to do lab work… well at least that’s the plan until he spots Derek brooding in the corner.

Danny: Who’s he again?
Stiles: That’s my cousin, Miguel.

Danny notices that Derek has blood on his shirt (he’s not staring or anything, he’s just super observant) so Stiles tells Derek to borrow one his shirts. Derek looks at Stiles as though it’s talking ever ounce of his strength not to throw him out the window but he gets up and proceeds to perform the angriest strip tease ever.

Still not over the fact that this is a thing that happened... this show is my favourite thing.
When Stiles notices Danny starring lustfully in Derek’s direction he decides to use it to his advantage asking Danny’s opinion on the shirt Derek’s just tried on. Danny too his credit looks as though he’s having a difficult internal struggle before ultimately deciding to give into his lustful thoughts by telling Derek that shirt is really not his colour.

Stiles: You swing for a different team but you still play ball don’t you Danny boy.
Danny: You’re a horrible person.
Stiles: I know it keeps me awake at night.

Stiles tries his hand at seduction.
This is without a doubt one of the best Teen Wolf moments ever – it’s just perfect. Danny’s internal struggle, Stiles quick use of Derek’s body and Derek’s angry compliance work to make this a truly amazing moment. It’s all good, but the best part is that before Stiles realizes that he can use Derek’s body to bribe Danny it looks like he’s trying his hand at flirtation himself. Oh Stiles honey, you don’t have any wiles – leave the flirting to Derek okay.

Danny traces the text and shockingly it was sent from a computer registered to Melissa McCall. Dun dun dun!

Outside the Argent abode Scott runs into Papa Argent who brings him inside for a little chat with a side of threatening. He wants to know about Scott’s relationship with Derek Hale.

Papa Argent you can threaten me any day.
Allison is running through the woods and decides it’s a good idea to stop off at the Hale house… because it’s not like there’s a known murderer on the loose. Allison, I love you but that was a pretty stupid move… especially considering you think Derek HALE (as in Hale house) is the murderer.

Derek’s not home, but creepy Aunt Kate’s there so it’s time for a little more bonding time. Kate says that watching your family burn to death in a fire can do some interesting things to a person.

Allison: It wouldn’t turn me into a psychotic killer.
Kate: You don’t have to be psychotic to be a killer. You just need a reason and even then sometimes you can surprise yourself.

First off – Allison don’t say things you can’t take back. Secondly Kate is just uber creepy, I know she’s family Allison but aren’t you getting the creepy vibe… but Allison just wants to not be scared.

Desperately trying to resist the urge to scream "you go girl"
Allison: That night in the school I felt utterly weak. Like I needed somebody to come in a rescue me. I hate that feeling. I want to feel stronger than that. I want to feel powerful.

I cannot express how much I love this speech. It’s perfect because it’s basically Allison saying she doesn’t want to be the stereotypical love interest. She is admitting that she was terrified but she is more scared of being scared than anything else and that’s something that a lot of girls can relate to. This is Allison coming into her own as a character and she is fabulous. Probably shouldn't use Aunt Kate as a role model though.

Papa Argent is still interrogating Scott – asking about Derek and Allison. Scott insists that all he thinks about is Allison (don’t we know it) and everything he did was to keep her safe. Allison (who is back from her run overhears this last part).

At the game, Scott calls Stiles wondering where he is. Stiles is in the car with Derek. The necklace was a dead end: there was nothing in it, on it or around it. It doesn’t matter because Stiles is going to miss the game if he doesn’t get there soon.

Coach Cupcake: Where the hell is Bilinski?

Stiles looks defeated by accepting as he tells Scott: “if you see my dad tell him I’ll be there I’ll just be a little late.” Derek looks at him like he’s a broken toy because he knows Stiles is lying. There’s no way he’s going to make it to the game.

The plan is simple, Stiles is going to go into the hospital to check things out – before he leaves Derek slams his head against the steering wheel saying: “you know what that was for”.  It was for using his body to bride a high-schooler to commit a crime. Derek really doesn't like it when people use his looks for manipulation because of reasons that will soon become apparent. 

This cap pretty much sums up their relationship.
Back at the game – Jackson’s getting impatient. He’s going to give Scott three days to get him the bite. Scott tells him about the hunters in a effort to talk him out of it but Jackson’s too much of an ass to care.

In the hospital Stiles is on the phone to Derek, he can’t find Mama MaCall. Derek tells him to go look for his Uncle’s nurse but when Stiles gets to his room Peter is gone. Realization creeps across Derek’s face. He’s the Alpha. Stiles turns around to see Peter Hale standing behind him, face still half burnt smiling seductively.

Stiles tries to run by nurse creepy stops him. Stiles starts to put everything together and realizes that oh my god, he’s going to die… not if Derek can help it. Derek knocks out nurse creepy and tells Stiles to get out of there.

Peter: That’s not nice, she’s my nurse.
Derek: She’s the psychotic bitch helping you kill people.

Stiles drops to the ground as Derek attacks. Stiles manages to crawl away and can do nothing but watch helplessly as Peter beats Derek insisting that he didn’t mean to kill Laura.

This cap is a metaphor for Derek's life.
Also it's a pretty accurate representation of me watching Teen Wolf.
Meanwhile the Sheriff is questioning Harris – six years ago he met a girl at a bar. They had a lot of drinks and she asked questions. He talked, told her things like how to get away with arson. A week later the Hale house burnt down. He doesn’t know her name but she wore a very distinctive necklace… it was Kate Argent.

Sheriff Stilinski: Arson happens to property, this girl’s a murderer.

The Hale's all have a flair for the dramatics.
Derek is beaten and bloody – Peter heals his face while flipping a mirror, it’s all very dramatic. He wants another chance, they’re family after all.

Back at the Lacrosse game Coach Cupcake is excited to see Jackson and Scott getting along. Rivals turned Allies.

Coach Cupcake: You know there’s no ‘me’ in team right?
Scott: Yes there is coach.

Allison is pointing out all her friends to Kate. Kate is being her creepy self about it. Lusting after the teenager boys again. If she was a high school student again... or maybe just a substitute teacher (and oh my god please tell me she wasn't Derek's substitute teacher because I will throw up).  She spots a scratch on the back of Jackson’s neck. Scott overhears as she suggests to Chris that Jackson might be the second beta.

To be continued…

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