Those of you that have been with me since I started blogging a couple of years ago will know that I was once a full on Gleek. I loved Glee - well when I say I loved Glee I mean I liked Season 1, fell in love with the characters and then had my heartbroken repeatedly as it went down the toilet. It was never really my primary fandom but there was a time when Glee was a big part of my existence. I might have stopped watching, but I don't think you ever really leave a fandom (it's for life), so I put my prejudices aside and watched this weeks episode because like all the other Glee fans out there I needed to say goodbye.
Now I stopped watching Glee about a third of the way through last season... I just couldn't do it anymore (plus no Dianna Agron, no me), so I don't know what's going on story wise. I gather Klaine got engaged and both Santana and Rachel got Fanny (if you're not Australian you might not get that joke). But when I say that I let go of this show I meant it. Still when I heard about Cory's death it hurt. I reached out to fellow fans and talked to people I hadn't spoken to in almost a year, brought together to mourn. Like I said above once a fan, always a fan. Besides just because I hate the writers doesn't mean I ever stopped loving this cast.
Despite reconnecting with fellow fans, I wasn't convinced to re-kindle my relationship with this show and TBH the only reason I watched "The Quarterback" was because I thought it would be a total disaster.
At it's worst Glee is incredibly exploitative so I hope you'll forgive the fact that I was a little worried about "The Quarterback" but in my time away it seems that I forgot that when Glee is good - it's amazing. Every-so-often, in-between the desperate attempts to cash in on every fad and exploit the issue of the month, Glee reminds me why I fell in love with it. It wasn't the soap-opera story lines or karaoke soundtrack, it was the characters and the cast.
"The Quarterback" wasn't just another issue-of-the-week after school special, it was a heartbreaking celebration of this cast and these characters. Because even though this show is just a series of plot holes and cliches with a terrible soundtrack - for some unknown reason it actually makes me care.
Those of you that know me know that Finn is a representation of everything I hate about this show but that was never reflected in my feelings for Cory. Anyway, it doesn't matter that Finn was my least favourite character, because even when I hated him I still loved him. In fact it wasn't even that I hated him - it was that I hated what those god-awful writers did to him. If I really hated him I wouldn't have cared so much (oh man I hate the Glee writers though).
I'm not going to review the episode because let's face it, if you're a Glee fan then you have already seen it and if you're not you probably won't be interested. And to be honest, Glee's not nearly as fun to review when you can't rip it apart and I really cannot rip into this episode because it wasn't really an episode so much as an exercise in grief. Also I'd probably have to get a new keyboard if I tried because of the ocean of tears I would inevitably shed... again.
I just wanted to express my love for this show and this fandom - I might not be there with you right now but you will always have a place in my heart. (It warms my heart to know that whatever nursing home I end up in there will be someone else that hates/loves Glee as much as I do and we can yell about it together until the end).
So this is me, as an ex-Gleek and forever fangirl, saying goodbye to Cory and to Glee and reminding everyone that just because you stop liking something doesn't mean you ever stop loving it. I also want to thank Glee for not trying to tell us that it gets better, because sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes shit things happen and it never stops hurting. That's life.