This episode was definitely slightly better than the last couple but that might just be because Glee
has lowered my expectations so far that I no longer know what good is. This
week Blaine has possibly the best post break-up breakdown ever and Finn is
supposed to be a hero but I’m still not buying it.
All right so the last few episodes have shown that Blaine is not
dealing so well with his break up – and I have been rather harsh in my
responses to Blaine’s breakdown. This mainly stems from the fact that hurting
Kurt is like kicking a puppy so I wasn’t really ready to forgive Blaine for
cheating – seriously Kurt was gone for like 2 weeks, does he have no
self restraint. And then he felt the need to fly to New York and alleviate his
by telling Kurt, and then had the hyde to suggest it was Kurt’s fault.
I was especially pissed off because their relationship was
paralleled with Finchel and it made me realize that Blaine was used to Kurt’s
world revolving around him and the moment it doesn’t anymore (which is healthy
by the way) he finds himself a Facebook slut… not cool Blaine. Really very not
cool.
That said, I probably shouldn’t dismiss Blaine’s pain quite so
harshly, I mean he’s not Finn (although they keep pushing him that way).
Break-ups are hard, especially when you’re a teenager – because everything is
just so extreme and believe it or not I actually quite liked the way that Glee dealt with Blaine’s pain.
This was the Glee I love (well the Glee I don't hate anyway),
it was kitch and ridiculous and heightened to the point that it’s more fantasy
that reality. Sure it got a bit preachy but I watched every episode of Seventh Heaven, I can handle preachy.
Blaine’s breakdown is, as I mentioned above, the best breakdown
ever. Seriously next time I fuck up my relationship I am going to throw all
my time, money and energy into creating a superhero alter ego. Her power will
be fangirling and she will be called UndieGirl… oh wait.
Anyway the most exciting thing is that the gavel is back! I love
that gavel, it should have it’s own spin off with Brad. Where Brad murders all
the members of New Directions by bashing them with the gavel – it’s a family
show obviously.
Blaine has started “The Secret Society of Superheroes Club” with the
mission “to fight injustice, to right all of that which is wrong and preserve
truth, justice and peace in the halls of McKinley high”. That’s quite a mission
statement Blaine, what’s your stance on guys that cheat on their boyfriend?
First role call and new members – I’m not going to bore you by
listing all the puntastic superhero names, you can google it but I will make a
special note on the exasperated look on Blaine’s face when Artie uses his real
name and he has to insist that there are no civilian identities in their super
secret superhero society. Jeeze Artie how dumb can you be?
Suddenly – emergency in the choir room (and no Finn has not
accidently shot himself again) queue slow motion run through the halls to epic
superhero music… someone stole their nationals trophy and left a lap top in
it’s place. Who would do that you ask? Well someone super sassy with a lot of
disposable income… that could only mean one thing. DALTON! I am ridiculously
excited to see the Warbler’s again – more than I should be considering they are
supposed to be the villains. Unfortunately we have to live through the new
generation drama first.
Marley still has body issues but Jake doesn’t care he still wants to
go out with her but Glee Project boy jumps in and tells Jake that she is spoken
for because she clearly can’t speak for herself. Then there is a testosterone-fuelled
display of masculinity until Finn (who seems to have raided Mr Schue’s vest
collection) steps in to play the hero.
Glee club welcomes its newest members – Kitty and Glee Project boy.
Tina is not happy (which is just further proof that Tina is actually the only
voice of reason in this whole show) but Finn’s just like shut up girl who I
don’t know. Then Finn breaks the whiteboard marker and has a break down but
it’s okay because he has a great lesson planned – Foreigner songs with costumes
from around the world. Tina and Artie said it best – that is worst than Funk and
Night of Neglect… put together. Then Blaine is upset because Finn didn’t notice
that the trophy is missing so he runs off to rescue it.
Yay Beast – I vote that Beast should be in charge of New Directions
because she is awesome in her very own superhero costume. Finn is upset because
apparently the glee club doesn’t see him as an adult (why would they, half of
them were in school with him six months ago). But yoda!Beast has to deliver the
message for the week – Finn needs to be a hero.
Glee was brought to you
this week by the word: Hero.
Finally DALTON!!!! How I have missed that staircase from nowhere.
I’m having all kinds of Teenage Dream feels. Remember when Blaine was a decent
character and the Warbler’s weren’t Bond villains? That was awesome.
Sebastian, I thought I recognized your sassy scent when we were
brought on board. Seriously though, I love you and I think you and Kitty should
join forces to take over the world. Oh that’s right, you’re nice now… being
nice sucks. But that’s okay because there’s a new baddie in town - Hunter Clarington, the
new captain of the Warblers and he’s not even remotely bi-curious but I’m
pretty sure that’s because he hasn’t met Blaine yet.
Hunter is on a mission to
get Blaine back on the darkside, which is super convenient because that’s the
name of the song they are about to sing. They give Blaine a new Dalton blazer
and you know what goes well with a Dalton blazer? An impromptu song! Blaine
can’t resist a good pop song.
I know I’m supposed to hate the Warblers and not want
Blaine to go back to them but if they want me to think that they have to stop
making their performances so adorable. Blaine is supposed to be in front of
those boys – and again my Darren feels are taking over because that boy can
rock a pop song. Also Hunter if you’re not even remotely bi-curious then why
are you song flirting with Blaine?
Back at McKinley – Finn is in costume… oh honey. I
can’t even hate him when he’s this hopeless. He’s come up with a new lesson –
“Dynamic Duits” (EPISODE TITLE) and he’s pairing Kitty with Marley and Glee Project boy with
Jake so they can work out their issues.
Kitty has this covered; she’s the Femme Fatale because
in French it means “kill women” (it doesn’t btw for those of you are stupid).
But really all Glee cares about are the men so let’s get to them. Jake wants
the bury the hatchet but Glee project boy is still on a testosterone high so
they decide to sing their feelings – “Superhero”.
Okay so here’s the problem, I think I might have
started shipping Jake and Glee Project boy who will now be known as Ryder
because he it turns out he can have chemistry just not with Marley. Come on
guys, seriously stop pretending to be fighting over the girl and get it on
already! Well they don’t exactly make out but they do roll around on the floor,
which is pretty good but Finn is jealous so he makes them stop.
Yoda!Finn decides that these boys need to reveal their
kryptonite to each other… of course Finn doesn’t tell either of them that they
need to actually ask Marley what she wants because that is silly, Marley is
just a girl she doesn’t know what’s good for her.
Blaine back and he’s got a confession to make – he
cheated on New Directions with the Warblers. Finn is not happy but Blaine is not happy either, he misses Kurt so he’s decided to do what he does every time
something happens – change schools. I’m pretty sure your not allowed to just
flip between schools like that but this scene does get props for this exchange.
Blaine: You need a team that’s gonna gel.
Finn: Yes, we need a team with a lot of gel and you’re
like the biggest part of that.
Marley has body issues, and Kitty is determined
to help her (NOT). She’s still bulimic – I guess Ryder's manhero talk didn’t help
after all. Again, I know I am supposed to hate Kitty but I just really want to
meet her good friends the finger sisters. Also they hug, which is nice.
Captain Sam is still the best thing about this show…
he has a jock strap on his face and he’s doing Bane from The Dark Knight Rises. But that is not the point of this scene
because it’s actually Ryder and Jake bonding time – Jake doesn’t fit in because
he’s mixed-race and half Jewish and Ryder can’t read! Man I would have given
anything for Jake to hug Ryder and say: “I’ll teach you how to read” - bonus for hand kisses.
Holy hormones Batman, Kitty’s cat suit is insanely
hot… sorry Marley/Kitty bonding time, which would actually be kind of cute if
it wasn’t for the fact that Kitty has given Marley an eating disorder. Why do
the girls on this program have to be so shitty to each other when the guys get
to have sweet bonding moments and become friends?
Kitty and Marley sing and it’s awesome but I might
just be distracted by Kitty’s cat suit.
My beloved Brit Brit is concerned because she can’t
smell raspberry hair gel – where is Blaine Warbler… Well Finn’s says he’s been
having a hard time recently and Tina is like “oh boo
hoo get over it it’s like a bad lifetime movie” – Tina you are me. But then
everyone is upset because Blaine is defecting back to the Warblers. TRAITOR.
Jake goes to Finn for help and Finn takes Ryder to the learning
centre where we learn that he’s dyslexic… which is totally something new and
different for Glee except for that
time Sam was dyslexic at the beginning of Season 2. I mean do the Glee writers not watch their own show?
But whatever because now we need to listen to Ryder’s man pain aka Shut Up Cis
White Boy: the Musical Part 2.
Then Jake’s flirting with Marley’s mum so he can prove he’s a good
guy and he’s about to defend her honour with masculine violence when Ryder to he
rescue so he doesn’t actually have to get beaten up. I guess Ryder and Jake are
best friends now, which is a problem seeing as Jake is trying to steal Ryder’s
girl.
Jake needs some advice, so he calls the most obvious choice – his half
brother Puck who is apparently working as a prostitute. Puck has some fantastic advice – don’t do anything because no one can resist a Puckerman so
she’ll come to him soon enough.
Back to sad!Blaine and this time it’s Captain Sam to the rescue.
Blaine’s talking about how it was while he was with the other guy that he
realized Kurt was the one (ah the lament of the cheater). But I have to admit
that I did get some feelings when they showed the flashback of Blaine in post-sex-shame. We know that feel bro. But Captain Sam as a point,
you have to forgive yourself. Yeah you cheated on your boyfriend and that’s a
shitty thing to do and he has every right to never speak to you again but you
got to stop hating yourself. It helps no one and it’s pointless. Long distance
relationships suck and someone usually cheats, deal with it and move on.
And now they sing about it “We Can Be Heroes”. Can Sam and Blaine do
all the songs together? They are so cute.
Blaine decides to stay at McKinley but they have one more mission –
rescue the trophy from the Warblers and my favourite thing ever is Blaine and
Sam running from the scene – BLAM! SLAINE! (For those of you that don’t know
those are the ship names for the coupling of Sam and Blaine – and yes I do ship
it).
Ryder can’t go out with Marley on Friday because he has to study…
Marley thinks this is a brush off (she might have been pushed to this
conclusion by Kitty but if she’s that gullible she kind of deserves it). Marley’s
sick of being pushed around so she asks Jake out (I guess Puck’s advice was
right)… I’m pretty sure this is going to be awkward.
Blaine and Captain Sam’s mission was a success as Sam describes it
“it was epic Dalton was like Death Star meets Mordor meet Temple of Doom... I mean, I
might be exaggerating but probably not”.
Apparently Finn has earned the title of hero, which is strange
because he didn’t really do much this episode but whatever – hero is the buzz
word.
Then here it is, the heartfelt group number to close the show… Glee I
want to hate you but then everyone looks so happy singing and hugging and
dancing – suddenly I have forgotten all the plot holes. Damn you Glee how did you know this was my
weakness? I can’t resist a group musical number… oh no I’m, I’m caring! NOOOO!
Well that was a bit long but this episode has taught me something – Glee needs to have some balls and ditch the
old cast. This episode wasn’t great but it was more coherent than most of the
others and that was because it wasn’t constantly shifting between two storylines.
Honestly when then old glee clubbers are around I just get really annoyed
watching the new ones because I haven’t had time to care about them. Just cut
your ties and move on or commit and follow the oldies away from Lima. It’s just
too confusing.
