Thursday, January 16, 2014

Recapturning Teen Wolf: More Good Than Bad

Previously on Teen Wolf… Scott, Stiles and Allison are losing their minds. A family died but Malia Tate’s body was never found because surprise, she’s a werecoyote. And for something new and different, Derek’s getting tortured; it’s all Peter’s fault. 

Side Note: I’m aware this episode was actually called “More Bad Than Good” but I changed it because it was a good episode. Get it? Stop being so pedantic Internet. 

The episode begins in Derek’s latest torture basement. He seems pretty unimpressed by it really, and the company’s not helping (who invited uncle Peter anyway). I’m going to say Derek gives this kidnapping and torture 1/5. Very poor, would not be kidnapped again. Anyway the generic torture dude is doing his generic torture thing – it involves electricity, which makes Tyler Hoechlin’s hips to that thrusting thing with the heavy breathing that causes my IQ to drop by about 50 points. 

Electricity is not working so the generic hunter decides to try a different method of persuasion. Maybe he cuts one of them in half and the other one talks. I vote Peter. Does everyone else vote Peter? I’m going to assume most of you do otherwise we can’t be friends. Even Peter knows that everyone has already volunteered him. 

Peter: I would love to be the helpful volunteer but we really don’t know what you’re talking about. And honestly isn’t bisecting people with a broadsword a little medieval? 

Derek looks like if they don’t cut Peter in half, he will. Sure he’s a snarky bastard but could you imagine living with him. Cutting him in half would be the humane thing to do. 

Generic Torture Guy: Broadsword? We’re not savages.

*sound of chainsaw starting* 

No but also yes. I am so confused right now?
Well things took a decidedly problematic turn (they’re not exactly subtle though) and if looks could kill, Peter would already be dead a thousand times over. Derek is pissed now because it’s completely Peter’s fault that they are about to be cut up by a chainsaw. Of course Chainsaw Guy goes for Derek not Peter – they figure that while werewolves might be able to grow back a limb they probably can’t recover from decapitation. 

Luckily Mama Torturer steps in to stop ‘her boys’ from ruining a priceless work of art (aka Derek Hale) because she’s smart enough to know beauty when it’s tied to a fence in front of her. She asks Derek – in Spanish – where la loba is (please don’t judge me, I do not speak a word of Spanish), and Derek replies that he doesn’t speak Spanish. 


First they put him in those jeans that sit in hips in a way that drives me nuts then they tell me he speaks many languages? I’m sorry but if they expected me to pay attention to anything else that happening in this scene they are sorely mistaken. I have to go away now… I’ll be back. 

Mama Torturer: Where is the shewolf? 
Derek: We don’t know any shewolf? 

There has been a lot talk about who this shewolf could be? I like to think it’s Cora, which is why she’s not with Derek right now and why she came looking for him in the first place. If she was in danger, if she was being hunted – it would makes sense for her to seek out a pack to protect her. It also makes sense that both Derek and Peter would be willing to lose a couple of limbs to protect her. So let’s go with that until it gets Jossed. Cora is being hunted – and has gone into hiding, which is why she is no longer with Derek. 

Can I thank them for this angle while also being angry that Derek is being tortured again?
Mama Torturer is smart, she knows that Derek won’t talk: he’s had a lot of practice withstanding torture. Also he’s got some issues with revealing information on account of that one time he told Kate stuff about his family and she burned them alive. Yeah, Derek’s not going to talk. Peter on the other hand. 

Mama Torturer: This one loves the sound of his own voice. 
Peter: You should hear me sing? 
Generic Torture Guy: We want to hear you scream. 
Peter: No one ever wants to hear me sing. 

Derek is so done with this situation he’s not even bothered and neither am I. If Mama wants to torture Peter then I am completely on board with that plan. Torturing people sounds like a good time to me, especially the whole cutting of his finger thing. That was fun. 

Mama Torturer: Think about it, I’m only going to ask you nine more times. 

Get it, because he’s got nine more fingers and she wants to collect them all like Pokémon. If it wasn’t for the torturing Derek thing, I think I would like her. She’s got puns, I love puns. 

Opening Credits. 

Scott and Stiles run through the woods until they run into each other. They both found something! We already know that Scott figured out Malia is werecoyote, so let’s go see what Stiles found. He found a cave, with Malia’s stuff including the jacket she was wearing the photo Stiles found. It’s a coyote den… a werecoyote den (thanks for the clarification Scott). 

Can we keep it?
They shouldn’t be in there, they invaded her home so there’s no way she’s going to come back now because of scent reasons (does everyone else automatically think sex when they talk about scent… fan fiction has ruined me but we already knew that). Anyway, they need help and crime isn’t really Deaton’s area of expertise (neither is giving helpful information) but you know who is good at crime. The Sheriff. I’m so glad he’s in the know now, it makes things so much easier. 

Cut to the Sheriff climbing out of the cave, which is now surrounded by deputies, with something of Malia’s. He joins Scott and Stiles who are just hanging out a crime scene like it’s an acceptable place for teenagers. The Sheriff wants to know if they are absolutely sure the coyote is Malia because he’s not convinced. But if the crash happened on the full moon, then bad things could have happened. 

Stiles doesn't want his dad to think he's crazy.
Stiles: Horrible things could have happened. Ripping, shredding, tearing things. 
Scott: Which is probably what caused the accident. 
Stiles: Think about it dad all right. They’re driving, Malia starts to change, she goes out of control, the mom crashes and everybody dies. 
Scott: Except Malia. 
Stiles: She blames herself right. Goes running off into the woods and eventually becomes trapped inside the body of coyote. 

So Malia and Derek will probably get along seeing as they both feel responsible for the death of their families. They could hang out and try to out guilt each other. Good times.

Sheriff really wants this to be a joke. 
The Sheriff is all: “that makes sense… except not”. Then he says that it sounds insane, which is probably not the best thing to say to your son who is currently in the midst of a mental breakdown. Speaking of mental breakdowns, Scott is hallucinating himself attacking a young Malia. 

I don’t understand this hallucination it’s really jarring and doesn’t really make any sense. Well I understand that it’s supposed to reflect what happens at the end of the episode (Jeff is big on parallels) but it needed to be grounded in something or at least mentioned again. As it is, it just kind of happens and then it’s over and it doesn’t add anything to the rest of the narrative. 

The Sheriff tells them that they need to keep this quiet, he especially doesn’t want Mr Tate to know. He probably shouldn’t have said that because that pretty much guarantees that Mr Tate is going to find out. 

This guy.
Enter Agent Asshole and he’s brought Mr Tate, because he consistently does the opposite of what everyone wanted. Mr Tate recognizes his daughter blanket (or something), which the Sheriff is holding, and he is noticeably upset. Sheriff Stilinski asks Agent Asshole for a side bar and tells Scott and Stiles to stay where they are. 

Agent McCall: (to Scott) I wouldn’t mind hearing how your mom’s okay with you running around the woods this late. 

Yeah well I wouldn’t mind hearing why you were absent for a significant chunk of Scott’s life. Asshole. 

Damnit Agent McCall indeed. 
Police moment. Sheriff Stilinski and Agent Asshole both think the other is wrong and I am inclined to agree with the Sheriff because all I hear when Agent Asshole speaks is a white noise. Agent Asshole is sure that Malia Tate is buried in the cave and unfortunately Sheriff Stilinski can’t be all: “nah she’s a werecoyote” because he would be sectioned. Then there is some time for some projection. 

Agent McCall: It’s the not knowing that ruins people like Tate. The truth. No matter how profoundly it sucks. The truth is always better than no knowing. 

Well here’s a little bit of truth for your Agent Asshole: Scott didn’t need you in his life before and he doesn’t need you know so why don’t you save everyone some trouble fuck off you deadbeat dickhead. 

I’m not bitter or anything. I just really don’t like Agent McCall and if you do you are wrong so there’s that. 

Malia Tate runs through the woods to that one rock that overlooks Beacon Hills. You know the one where werecreatures all go to reflect on things in slow motion and/or growl at stuff. 

Pack feels.
At school, the next day. Scott, Stiles and Allison (pack feels) are looking at something on a tablet and I have the sudden urge to buy Samsung. I don’t know why that happened. Allison has all kinds of knowledge about coyotes like the fact that they tip toe, which means they are smart. The bell rings: Allison’s GTG and Stiles makes his way to his seat. When Scott tries to do the same he is interrupted by… 

Sunshine in a sea of despair. 
Kira, looking just as adorable as she did last week. She might even be more adorable but how does one measure something like that. I would like to take this moment to reintegrate the plea that Kira doesn’t die and/or be evil. She’s all nervous about talking to Scott but she has something for him. Her explanation of bardo wasn’t detailed enough so she spent a couple of hours researching the concept because she totally wants to get into Scott’s pants. The look on Scott’s face suggests she doesn’t need to try that hard. 

So cute.
Scott: You didn’t have to do that. 
Kira: It only took a couple of hours. 

Adorable, awkward, nervous, flirty Kira has a problem. She can’t find he research even though she swears she printed it out. Embarrassing Dad to the rescue! 

Is this a dream?
Mr Yukimura: Kira, you forgot all the research you did for that boy you like. 

He looks so proud... no one could possibly be that clueless.
Pretty sure I had this nightmare quite a few times in high school – and the boys in question were not Scott McCall so it didn’t end all that well but Kira is lucky (or she just has great taste) because Scott McCall would never knowingly embarrass anyone. His jaw does drop though and I’m not sure if it’s because he’s surprised Kira likes him or he’s shocked her dad could be that cliché. 

Kira turns back to Scott and hands him the rather large pile of papers. Scott smiles, Kira smiles and I just really want them to fall in love okay. 

Mr Yukimura is teaching them things about internment camps and prisoners of war – something that keeps cropping up so I’m going to say it’s a thing that we should be paying attention to. Mr Yukimura is looking for a “volunteer” to read in from of the class, and by volunteer he means he is going to pick someone at random and force them to stand in front of the class and read. Of course he picks Stiles, because Stiles can’t read right now. 

This is me when someone asks me to read out loud.
I got to say this hits really close to home for me because I am dyslexic, so reading out loud in front of the class was my biggest fear (I skip over words and stutter and it’s just not good). So I kind of want to punch Mr Yukimura for making Stiles do that and I completely understand the panic attack – although in this case it’s probably caused by the darkness thing rather than the embarrassment of having his peers know he can’t read. 

Scott knows something’s up immediately and he gets Stiles out of the room so that he can try to talk him through it. Depending on how you look at it, it’s either a good thing or a bad thing that he didn’t employ Lydia’s method. Because kissing someone in middle of a panic attack is terrible but if you ship Skittles you’d probably be cool with that. The thing is, what happens is actually so much better – because Scott talks Stiles through his panic attack in a way that reinforces how well the know and understand each other. 

Mirror, mirror on the wall who's the fairest of them all.
Stiles rushes towards a mirror and looks at himself – mirrors are a thing this season (mirrors and fragmented faces). Scott asks if it’s a panic attack and Stiles shakes his head. He thinks it’s just a dream and he’s trying to make himself wake up. Scott does grab him or yell at him he just talks to him and gives him something to focus on. Apparently when you’re dreaming you have more fingers – hands up everyone who decided to file that information to use in your own dreams – so Scott tells Stiles to count his fingers. 

Double five!
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 – Scott has 10 fingers. Stiles is awake. At least we think he is but what do we know, we’re just as clueless as they are. 

Stiles falls to the ground – he wants to know what’s happening to him. He’s losing control and he doesn’t think he can figure it out this time. Not without his research skills. Not without the ability to know what is real and what is not. Scott, the perpetual optimist, thinks that Stiles is going to be okay. 

This upsets me.
Stiles: Scott you can’t transform, Allison’s being haunted by her dead aunt and I’m straight up losing my mind. 

They are not in a position to help anyone, even themselves and certainly not Malia Tate. 

It doesn't look like he believes his own optimism anymore.
Scott: We can try, we can always try. 

Meanwhile, back in history – class has finished and Kira’s Scott-radar (it’s like Scott’s Allison-radar but less annoying) is pinging so she notices that Scott and Stiles left their bags in the room and never returned for them. Being the nice young lady that she is, she picks up the bag but the distraction has cost her. By the time she exists the classroom the hallway is empty and for some unknown reason someone turned off the lights. It’s probably because of the god damn coyote standing at the other end of the hall. 

Kira is the only one in the hallway because for the first time in history teenagers dis not loiter and everyone managed to get so far away in about 5 minutes that they missed the coyote entering the building. That’s it, I am so done with this school. I mean come on. This isn’t even night time. How the fuck does a coyote get into the school without anyone noticing? I’m starting to think that Gerard might have been onto something with the security cameras because something had got to change. Or maybe someone could just make sure the door that leads directly onto the preserve is shut. That might help. 

This is not what I wanted from the locker room.
Kira makes a run for it ducking into, you guess it, the locker room because that’s where everyone in this school goes whenever anything happens but what is the point when there are no attractive boys changing? It doesn’t even hold the coyote back – she just smashes through the window. Loud breathing and growling and then ACTUAL HERO SCOTT MCCALL to the rescue… wait did he just knock the lockers onto that poor coyote. Ouch. She’s well enough to run away though so that’s something. 

Superhero team anyone?
Back in the torture basement, Peter’s finger is still not attached to Peter and everyone’s sitting around waiting for something. IDK I guess the torture session is over for today (got to give them time for a rescue). 

Me giving Peter the finger.
Peter: I don’t want to make it sound like we don’t appreciate your hospitality but do you think it could be possible to put that on ice. 

Generic Torture Guy doesn’t even dignify that with an answer, I’m still not bothered, Derek is still bored and the way his jeans are riding on his hips is still causing me to have a religious experience. 

There’s a crash from above, someone is coming. It’s lucky they turned up when Mama torturer was out because she probably wouldn’t have been as easy to get past. There’s gunshots and Derek looks really scared and it’s giving me feelings. Generic Torture Guy has a machine gun of course because everyone knows that stupid henchmen always have machine guns (it’s super lucky that the bullets never ricochet). 

*heart eyes*
Music temp up, door kicked open, generic torture guy down and hair flip. Now that’s how you make an entrance. Derek has never been more aroused (same Derek, same), you know how he loves a good dramatic entrance. 

Get in line babe.
Welcome back Braeden, you might remember her has “The Girl” from 301, the one on the motorbike that saved Isaac. We though she was dead but then everyone accused Jeff Davis of being sexist so now she’s back! And look I know this episode has its problems but the return of a WOC that we thought had been unceremoniously killed off – who comes back and rescues a couple of ‘alpha’ males – is pretty fricken cool. 

Fuck off with this.
Braeden (aka my future wife) smiles and Derek and looks him up and down because damn he looks good. Some people had some problems with the obvert objectification of Derek – especially after the ways that his body has been used before but I liked it. It shows what kind of a character Braeden is and it’s the kind of character I would like to see a lot more of (and I would like Derek to see a lot more of too if you know what I mean). 

Turns out she was hired to save Isaac so she’s not only a super hot lady with combat skills – she’s also a mercenary. I am so down with badass lady mercenaries that refused to pick a side but never hide their ambivalence. Until she falls for the hopeless broken ex-alpha werewolf who she constantly has to rescue because his self-sacrificing stupidity causes him to get captured every week. Someone write that for me. 

For real though, I know people are concerned because of Derek’s history with dangerous women but you seem to forget that Derek didn’t fall for the danger, he fell for the lie. Both Kate and Jennifer pretended to be something they are not to seduce Derek and while I’m pretty sure subconsciously he was attracted to them as powerful women – it wasn’t a conscious decision. Braeden is, what she is – or I’m going to assume she is until proven otherwise – and that kind of brash, forceful nature is exactly what Derek needs (it’s why I ship Sterek). 

Peter: Someone hired you to get us out of here. 
Braeden: Someone hired me to get Derek out of here. You I’m totally fine leaving for dead. 

As if I couldn’t love her anymore – I bet she could protect Derek from Peter’s influence. Deucalion hired her and guess that’s why they left him alive at the end of last season. Here’s hoping that’s the end of that. 

Side Note: To everyone crying love interest, you know Braeden is probably going to be gone again by next week right? Being intrigued by the idea of two characters embarking on a romantic journey is not the same as condemning every single female character to the role of love interest. Stop. 

Peter in pain is my fave thing.
Peter wants to know where he got his reputation from and Derek looks like he’s considering asking Braeden to leave him behind. Do it Derek. It will be better for everyone. He doesn’t, Braeden unlocks both their cuffs and Peter rushes to reattach his finger. I guess they don’t grow back after all, but they will reattach without surgery. Good to know. 

Romance novel cover?
Braeden says they need to get out of there before Mama bear gets back but Derek is having none of it. He got himself captured for a reason. Well it’s probably more likely that he accidentally got captured while trying to complete a suicidal and unplanned task. Anyway he’s not leaving without the thing that he’s not leaving without. 

Stilinski family feels.
Back at Beacon Hills High School the Stilinski Family Detectives are on the job and there is shoulder touching which is incredibly relevant to my interests. Some kids saw the coyote run back into the woods (where the fuck were they when it ran in?). Stiles keeps reminding his dad that it’s not just a coyote it’s actually a girl, named Malia but Sheriff Stilinski is still not completely convinced. 

Sheriff: I believe there are a lot of things I don’t understand yet. But that doesn’t mean that everything and anything imaginable is suddenly possible. 

Okay but if you have ever seen any supernatural television show ever you would know that it is always better to assume that something is real and be proven wrong than to assume it’s not and end up dead. Just saying. When you find out werewolves are real you should probably reset the default. The Sheriff asks Stiles if he’s 100% sure that the coyote is Malia Tate. 

Stiles: Yes, because Scott’s sure. 

I’d say I’m not crying but that would be a lie, Scott and Stiles friendship will always make me cry. Scott is standing down the end of the hall, Stiles asks if he’s listening and he nods. The Sheriff has no choice, the alpha has spoken! 

I don't think he wants her to make friends.
Mr Yukimura is concerned about Kira even though she insists she’s fine. He’s like: “wait a minute young lady, why were you almost getting eaten by a coyote when you were supposed to be at lunch?” She pulls out the friends card and then he can’t say anything because his little girl just wants to make friends. Good thing she didn’t tell him that she really just wants to get into Scott’s pants. 

Scott is listening because privacy is not a thing for werewolves. Just because you can listen into to people’s conversations, doesn’t mean you should. Kira radio is interrupted by Stiles – he’s figured out why Malia was in the school. She was after the doll that he stole from the crash site. Scott is very disappointed – and the way he says it makes it seem like Stiles steals things from crime scenes all the time, which actually makes a lot of sense. It’s okay he totally took it for legit reasons that do not involve snuggle with it or setting it on fire. Probably. 

Enter Mr Tate –this guys everywhere. He’s mad because Stiles is holding his dead daughter’s doll, but then the Sheriff is mad because Mr Tate turned up to a crime scene he wasn’t invited to… and he brought a gun. Permit or not Californian schools are gun free zones and he needs to leave. He does but not before issuing a Liam Neeson inspired revenge warning to the coyote. 

Sexual orientation: The Sheriff sheriffing. 
Allison is in a pretty floral dress and she pulls out a very large gun. Yes it’s just as hot as you imagine. 

Girls in floral dresses with guns. 
At the animal clinic, it’s time to break out the horse tranquilizers and give them to a bunch of teenagers. Seriously, if Deaton’s job is advising people he sucks at it because giving teenager hard drugs is never a good plan. 

Too many dicks on the dancefloor.
Anyway for plot reasons he only has three tranquilizers, meaning that they have a limited number of chances to take Malia down – whoever’s shooting has to be a perfect shot. Scott is quick to volunteer Allison’s exceptional skills but Isaac is like, you haven’t seen her lately so you don’t know. Way to rub it in Isaac. BTW I am super glad they put the macho posturing bullshit from last week on the burner, although it’s probably too much to hope that it we have seen the last of it. The point is that Scott still believes in Allison and that’s that. 

Stiles: Okay what is the point of him? Seriously what is his purpose? Aside from the persistent negativity and the scarf. What’s up with the scarf anyway, it’s 65 degrees out.  
The scarf is not even tied properly!
Yet again Stiles asks the pertinent questions. Isaac is totally not impressed with Stiles inability to understand fashion. I bet he can’t wait to bitch about this to Peter. And Isaac is there because someone needs to ask the questions that lead to exposition (also he’s supposed to replace Jackson but as much as I love him he will never reach that level of sass – keep trying to be an asshole Isaac, fandom will still treat you like a sensitive puppy). 

The question Isaac is there to ask is: how do they turn Malia back into Malia? The answer is: Scott, because he’s an Alpha now. Both Peter and Deucalion made him transform so it should be easy for Scott to do it right? Deaton’s like: “you’re not even the same species” but no one listens – not even Jeff Davis – so they just move on. 

Scott needs to find someone to teach him how to alpha, and Derek is MIA so they are out of options. Stiles is relived because that explains why Scott was trying to contact Derek – he got jealous for no reason, he spent a whole evening listening to country music for no reason. 

Stiles: You need a real Alpha. 
*what did you just say* 
Stiles: You know what I mean, an Alpha that can do Alpha things. You know? An Alpha who can get it doing you know? Get it… 
Isaac: Up? 
Scott: Great I’m an Alpha with performance issues. 

Erectile dysfunction jokes are always funny because everything comes down to the size of your erection… sighs. 

Here’s the thing: I legit give less than zero fucks about the Wonder Twins. They are boring, pointless and unlike Jeff Davis I do not have a twin kink. So I’m just going to pretend they aren’t around unless it’s absolutely necessary. It’s not personal, Charlie and Max seem like good dudes but I am just not hear for two more white boys with issues. 

So instead of the over-the-top gratuitous fight scene – in the loft where the wonder twins helped kill Boyd remember that? Let’s just say Deaton actually gave Scott some advice, which would make sense seeing as it’s Stiles and Allison both get pulled back by their anchors. Or maybe Scott remembers that they already learnt this lesson back in season one so they can just rinse and repeat. You know what, just replace the scene with this: it works just as well.

Basically what you need to know is that Scott needs to embrace his inner Katy Perry other wise he will turn into Peter. Also Stiles has a key to Derek's loft, Lydia is in tiny shorts and she is very concerned about Scott (Scydia feels). 

Mr Tate is setting traps, because: he will find that coyote and he will kill it. 

Flirting about pee. At least it's original.
Allison is loading up the horse tranquilizers with Isaac – just an average date night for them really – she wants to know if Isaac can find her. He can because she smells like pee. Allison’s hands are not steady, which is not good. She drops the drugs bends down to pick it up but when she stands she’s no longer in her apartment, she’s in the morgue. 

Not even phased by dead bodies anymore.
There is a body in the room, covered by a sheet. Allison probably thinks it’s Kate, which makes sense because she has been haunted by Kate’s dead body before. But when she pulls back the sheet it’s not Kate she sees, it’s herself. 

Then Allison is the body and she’s experiencing her own autopsy – that is being performed by aunt Kate. Her body is open and it’s pretty damn gory. Kate explains that the cause of death was an animal attack and we all know what that means. It gets creepier though because they pull off their masks to reveal that they are werewolves and then they proceed to devour Allison’s insides while she lies paralyzed. I think this might be the scariest thing Teen Wolf has ever done. 

Disturbed by how arousing this is.
When Allison comes back to reality she’s pointing her gun at Isaac, who’s looking a little concerned. Allison lowers the gun and apologizes but it doesn’t really change the fact that she’s not at her best. How is she supposed to help people when she’s like this? Allison so desperately wants to be a hero but there is a part of her, deep inside that knows she could just as easily become the villain. 

Actually kinda digging this.
Isaac takes her hand and asks her to let him help her. She does, which is a pretty big step for Allison. She’s very adamant about doing things on her own and she’s really not okay with getting help from a potential boyfriend. It helps that he asks though, that he gives her the control. 

The pack arrive at the preserve and I really want to be happy that they are all working together as a team because it gives me Scooby feels but it’s very concerning that they are so together so early in the narrative. Because you know they are going to break them apart and the happier I am now, the more it’s going to hurt later. It’s a bittersweet moment really. 

It’s a little bit awkward with the whole Scott/Allison/Isaac thing – they haven’t worked out that there is a simple solution to their problem yet (threesome) – but it’s not super overt. Lydia snaps them out of it pretty quickly anyway, she’s worried they might actually be making things worse by trying to help. But they have a noble cause: they are trying to stop a father from killing his own daughter. Also Isaac is still not helping, Stiles still doesn’t like him and Allison has a big gun. 

Lydia can't believe she has to hang out with these bozos.
Side note: I don’t think this counts as a conversation between Allison and Lydia, which means that this episode does not pass the Bechdel test. After so many awesome moments between Lydia and Allison last week that’s pretty disappointing. 

Disappointed Sheriff is very like disappointed dad. 
The Sheriff arrives at the Tate house and places a trap down in front of Mr Tate. A jogger almost stepped in it and the Sheriff is very disappointed. He wants to know how many traps there are. Mr Tate looks really uncomfortable and glances down the hallway. Sheriff Stilinski follows his gaze into a room filled with empty boxes. That’s a lot of traps. It also makes things significantly more difficult and dangerous for our gang of misfit teens. 

How did no one notice that happening?
Sheriff Stilinski is pissed. Some kid could get trapped in one of these. SOME KID COULD DIE! Mr Tate is not sympathetic because his kids did die and now he has nothing except a disturbing vendetta against a coyote that is actually the daughter he is trying to avenge. The Sheriff is telling Mr Tate that they going to go disarm all the traps, even if it takes all night, when Mr Tate notices that the screen on his door is broken. The coyote is in the house. He grabs one of his MANY guns and runs after it. 

Scott's got his hero on and Isaac is thinking about pie or something.
Gunshots! Oh no! Scott jumps on his bike and Isaac runs after him in the direction of the gunshot I assume. Stiles shouts after them but there’s no stopping Scott when he’s in hero mode. 

The Sheriff is Sheriffing – calling for backup to get everyone out of the woods – when Stiles calls him. The coyote took the doll again. The same doll. No one else seems concerned but Stiles wants to know why. Everyone should probably just listen to Stiles. He’s too busy worry about what a werecoyote would want with a doll that he doesn’t hear his father say that there are traps all over the woods. 

Scott is riding, Allison and Isaac are running. There’s another gunshot. The tension is mounting. 

This week on Lydia being perfect in the background while other people angst.
Stiles is still trying to figure out the doll. Why would a coyote go all over town just for a doll? He didn’t even find it in her den, it was at the car crash. If she likes the doll, wouldn’t she keep it at her den? Lydia is there to help she asks what kind of doll it was. 

Stiles: I don’t know. It’s a doll. It’s got little arms and a big baby head… dead soulless eyes. 

Wait he took a picture! Lydia’s the one that notices first. Malia is not the one holding the doll, her younger sister is. It’s not her doll! Stiles’s eyes light up, he’s figured it out. 

Isaac is still running and Allison is having trouble keeping up because she’s not a superhuman werewolf. Maybe if he had stayed with Allison he wouldn’t have walked right into a trap, but that’s what he does. Well we knew that was going to happen. You can’t put out Chehov’s trap and not have anyone step in it. Best part is that when Isaac screams it causes Scott to crash his bike – it’s like he feels Isaac’s pain. 

Allison is by Isaac’s side but there is no time to help him because Mr Tate is just a head of them and he’s pointing a gun at Malia. Isaac tells Allison to use the tranquilizer on him and okay I’m not a medical professional but it can’t really be safe to use a horse tranquilizer on a person? Right? Oh well, not important right now because Allison has lost her mojo and she needs Isaac to help her get it back. 

Still actually Allison's superhero origin story.
He tells her to take a breath and try again. She does. Reciting the code she created to herself. She made a pledge to protect those who cannot protect themselves. So she does. She shoots Mr Tate with the tranquilizer and as long as it doesn’t kill him everything should be good. By the time Mr Tate goes down, Malia has disappeared. 

Stiles calls Scott and gets his voicemail. He knows where Malia is going. He knows where she’s taking the doll. It was her sister doll. She’s taking it to the crash site. It’s like taking flowers to a grave and they stole the flowers. I love this, because that moment from last week where Stiles mentioned taking flowers to his mothers grave could have been a throwaway. But it was important, both for character and plot. More of that please. 

Oh no!
Lydia starts calling Stiles name so he hangs up the phone and turns around. The camera pans down her body to reveal that she has one foot on a trap – if she removes it she will probably lose her leg and possibly her life from loss of blood (depending on how far out in the woods they are, I’m going to assume they are pretty far out because it makes things more exciting). 

This is not okay, I do not like this one bit. Let’s not have Lydia in danger just so Stiles can rescue her please, but I guess he doesn’t rescue her. She rescues herself by using the available resources, which just happens to be Stiles. Well he would be a resource if he wasn’t losing his mind. 

Lydia: Look for a warning label. 
Stiles: A warning label?  
Lydia: Instructions of how to disarm it. 
Stiles: Lydia why the hell would they put instructions on the bottom of a trap? 
Lydia: Because animal’s can’t read. 

Bickering like brother and sister – or lovers, whatever floats your boat. I just love when they interact. They bounce off each other so well because they are so similar in so many ways. 

The plan in simple, Stiles reads the instructions and disables the trap before Lydia loses her leg. Problem is that Stiles can’t read. Dun DUN DUN! What is there to do? The only thing she can do, Lydia has to snap Stiles out of his spiral so he can get her out of this mess. She knows he can do it, he just needs to believe in himself. 

Still perfect even when she's about to lose a limb.
Lydia: You don’t need the instructions. When is the last time you have ever used instructions am I right? You don’t need them because you are too smart to waste your time with them okay. You can figure it out. You’re the one who always figures it out. So you can do it. Figure. It. Out. 

He just needed someone to believe in him!
This speech is so important for Stiles, and it’s so important that it comes from Lydia. It’s just so nice to watch their relationship evolve from Stiles worshiping Lydia from affair to a genuine friendship. Chances are it will evolve beyond that and then become too high school drama for me but right now, it’s a beautiful thing. Two people with preconceived ideas about each other (yes it goes both ways) re-evaluate and learn to appreciate the person underneath. 

Lydia told him to figure it out, so he does. Both Stiles and Allison were helped by the person that pushed them into the icy bath so I’m going to assume this is a thing. Although I have to say I am kind of disappointed that the romantic pairings have over shadowed the friendships that were prominent last week. 

Scott is running through the woods in slow motion because this is Teen Wolf – got to say there is a little bit too much slo-mo in this episode. Maybe they lulled us into a false sense of security last week? We thought there were over it but bam! It’s back! More running and Scott starts to shift! Yay Scott! I’m super happy you are doing this but I wish the build to this moment had been handled better so that I could get that full feeling of euphoria. 

Final epic slow motion jump before the show down: Scott faces Malia who is growling at him and…

Everyone is aroused. Seriously. No Joke. Isaac is so aroused that he manages to pull the trap off his leg at the thought of getting laid. And just look at Lydia and Stiles and tell me they are not thinking about Alpha sexy times? 

Scott is gonna get some, whether he wants it or not.
Malia submits to Scott’s magnificent roar and soon instead of a coyote there is a very naked girl lying in the dirt in front of Scott. Stop looking at the naked girl Scott, she hasn’t been human since she was like 9 years old. She might look like a teenager with unbelievably sculpted eyebrows and strategically messy hair but she’s actually a nine-year-old girl. Except this is Teen Wolf so she will probably be at Beacon Hills high in a week because consequences are not a thing on this show. 

Hello eyebrows.
Cut to the Tate house. The Sherriff walks a now clean Malia Tate to the door of her old family home (apparently she’s totally cool with walking on two legs even though she hasn’t done it in years). Mr Tate opens the door, realizes that it’s his little girl. There are tears and hugs and it’s all very emotional but I can’t help but wonder if Mr Tate is emotionally stable enough to look after a girl who has been through a traumatic experience and also happens to be a werecoyote. 

Is he really leaving an untrained werecoyote with a dude that is not all there?
But still it’s nice. They did something as a pack and the Sheriff was able to solve one of his unsolved cases. It all worked out a little bit too well really. Even Stiles is happy when he is able to read the message on the rearview mirror but I don’t know. That message seemed a little bit ominous and there’s Stiles with mirrors again. “Objects in mirror are closer than they appear”. I don’t think we want these things to be closer. I really don’t. 

How do I get Tyler Hoechlin in my mirror?
The kicker is that the Sheriff gets to slam the door in Agent Assholes face (or butt), which is always nice to see. Also it means we don’t have to figure out what to call him if he’s no longer Sheriff, not yet anyway. 

Sheriff of my heart! 
Meanwhile, back at the torture house – because they are out of the basement now. Derek and his knight in shining leather are looking for the thing that he is looking for. Also Peter is still there… unfortunately. 

It’s an old house but it doesn’t look lived in – there’s a chest (I think it’s a chest, that’s what I’m calling it okay). Derek tries to touch it but it like zaps him or something because according to uncle exposition it’s made of mountain ash wood. Who cares about that though because when Derek gets hurt Braeden takes a step in front him like she’s going to protect him. 

Peter's like if you don't I will. 
Mountain ash is no bother for Braeden and neither are padlocks she kicks off the lock and that’s basically it for Derek, he’s smitten and I am too. That was pretty hot. 

Hey it's that one thing they were looking for.
Inside the chest is more mountain ash – someone really didn’t want any wolves getting whatever is inside this box. Both Derek and Peter turn towards Braeden at the same time: like are you going to do the thing or not. She roles her eyes but starts digging through the ash until she pulls out a wooden cylinder with a triskele on it, just like Derek’s tattoo. 

I'm going to guess these guys are not here to party?
Cliffhanger time: At the Nemeton something is starting to grow. A figure walks up and pulls the sapling out of the tree tossing it on the ground before walking away. Fireflies start to swarm out of the giant stump until they form three dark humanoid figures. I don't want to jump to conclusions but this is probably Peter's fault. Someone should probably just kill Peter.

To be continued…