Monday, March 18, 2013

Recap-turing Teen Wolf: School of Horror clichés

Previously on Teen Wolf… Scott’s life is perfect, except when it’s not. Allison is perfect, except when she’s not. And Jackson wants to go pro. Also Derek might be dead and Scott and Stiles are trapped inside the school at night with a rabid Alpha on the loose.

(Side note: thanks to the Teen Wolf lighting department for making this the hardest episode ever to screen cap - I know it's scary but they could have turned some lights on). 

Inside the school (where Scott and Stiles fled to when blood started spurting out of Derek’s mouth) Scott and Stiles search for something to brace the door with. Stiles spots the wire cutters outside. Scott says no, Stiles doesn’t listen and runs outside to grab the cutters. The alpha almost gets him but he makes it inside and locks the door.

Welcome to an actual horror movie cliché. 

Scott and Stiles are stuck inside the high school at night with a monster chasing them. They run down the dark halls, there are howls and it's all very dramatic music. They enter a classroom, Scott moves to brace a desk in front of the door but Stiles stops him. The door is not going to hold the Alpha even if they put a desk in front of it. So maybe this isn’t going to get old (thank god for Stiles the genre savvy comic relief).

Stiles thinks the Alpha is clearly Deaton (I must say the evidence is rather damning) but Scott insists that his boss would never hurt anyone. They talk about Derek. Stiles says he’s dead, Scott doesn’t think that’s possible (neither do I Scott).

Stiles: Blood spurted out of this mouth okay that doesn’t exactly qualify as a minor industry.

It’s official, genre savvy skeptic comic relief Stiles is my favourite Stiles.

Stiles has a plan – it’s simple – they get to his jeep, get out of there and Scott seriously thinks about quitting his job. Great plan except when they look out the window they notice there is something wrong with the hood of Stiles jeep. They wonder what happened and in answer to their question the Alpha throws the jeeps battery through the window. It doesn’t look like they're going anywhere.

Oh no not The Jeep! Anyone but the Jeep!

Title Card.

They boys decide to move after Stiles suggests they find somewhere without windows. It’s not so simple, every single room in the building has windows… except one. Yup you guessed it they’re heading to the locker room (because it’s safe, it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that it’s one of the few fixed studio sets they have).

Scott suggests they call Stiles dad, Stiles says no for pretty logical reasons really. What if the Alpha goes for his dad, it’s not like bullets are going to stop it. Derek had to get shot with wolvesbane-laced bullets to even slow him down. Speaking of Derek that gives Stiles another idea. They can take Derek’s car, it’s not like he needs it anymore.

Stiles: We go outside, we get the keys off his body (gugh) and we take his car.
Scott: And him.
Stiles: Fine whatever.

Dylan you should hold your hand over your mouth at all times so I control my lady lusts.
Your mouth does obscene things to me.
There’s a noise, they hide inside the lockers except Stiles still has the flashlight on. Way to go Stiles – you’re supposed to be the genre savvy one. It’s okay though because this is the fake out it’s not the Alpha that’s found them it’s a nameless janitor who I’m pretty sure is wearing a red shirt under his uniform.  Scott and Stiles try to warn the janitor but it’s too late. Scott and Stiles have just been pushed out of the room when the janitor is dragged back in (Jaws style). Scott being the hero tries to help but Stiles pulls him away.

Meanwhile, outside the Argent abode. Allison is waiting patiently for Scott to arrive, she’s on the phone to Lydia is much less forgiving of Scott’s slight. Lydia and Jackson turn up to rescue Allison just as she receives a mysterious message from ‘Scott’ telling her that he is at the school.

Did I mention that Jackson drives a Porche? Because it's kind of a big deal.
Scott and Stiles try to run for their lives but there is something blocking the doors. They’re locked in. Stiles freaks because there is no way in hell he’s dying at school. They talk about the Alpha and the fact that he wants Scott. Speaking of the Alpha he’s on the roof watching them (Alpha cam).

Alpha vision has better lighting than regular vision.
Outside Allison, Lydia and Jackson have just pulled up. Conveniently and not at all suspiciously, the front door is propped open (what a polite murderous Alpha). Jackson offers to be Allison’s hero but she’s cool with going into the creepy school at night by herself. Lydia is not happy. Then Allison says she’ll be right back because in case you didn’t realize this is a horror movie homage.

Scott and Stiles are still running from the Alpha, they have to do something – kill it, hurt it, inflict mental anguish on it. So that’s what they do… kind of. Stiles throws his keys into a room, the alpha follows and they lock the door behind it. Stiles being Stiles just has to get a look at the Alpha before they move on. So he taunts the monster that is trying to kill them because that’s clearly a good move. He forgets the basic rule of any movie ever – you can always escape through the roof. The Alpha’s out – they make a run for it.

Jackson and Lydia are waiting in the car, it’s awkward on account of Jackson’s blatant flirting with Allison only moments before. Jackson notices Stiles jeep and decides to take a closer look (because he hasn’t yet realized that he’s in the middle of a horror movie). Lydia is a little more savvy because she is not being left alone in the car. Weirdly enough, the Jeep looks as though it has been attacked by a werewolf.

Lydia and Jackson are in the school now as well, because the beat up jeep wasn’t enough to scare them away. Lydia has to go and perform normal bodily functions and Jackson is 100% done with her shit. While Lydia is otherwise occupied, Jackson see’s something. It’s not Scott. Or Derek. It’s the Alpha.

Allison is basically a serial killers wet dream as she wanders aimlessly around the school yelling for Scott. Then her phone rings and Scott hears it (even though he didn’t hear her yelling his name). Scott calls Allison and tells her to meet them in the lobby. They meet up and are soon joined by Jackson and Lydia, it’s about time for them to attacked don’t you think?

There’s something in the roof. Scott and Allison join hands. They all run.

The rag tag bunch of teens barricade themselves into the cafeteria ignoring Stiles protests, which is stupid because they have an incredibly intelligent genre savvy resource like Stiles and they are not using it.

Stiles: Nice work – now what should we do about the 20ft wall of windows?

Everyone starts to freak out. Allison wants some answers, Scott doesn’t have any… well actually he does but he can’t tell Allison because she might kill him or worse break up with him. He panics and blames Derek. Not only does he blame Derek for the events of that night, but he blames everything on Derek including Laura’s death, again. Nice work there Scott.

Jackson wants to call the cops, Stiles says no but Lydia calls anyway. Unfortunately the police dispatch line has been tipped about prank calls and therefore refuses to believe Lydia. Jackson suggests that Stiles call his dad directly. When Stiles says no (and again in Spanish) Jackson tries to take his phone… so Stiles punches Jackson and I literally hi-fived the television screen. 

Allison rushes to the aid of an injured Jackson which upsets both Scott and Lydia and it’s all very uncomfortable. Stiles gives into the tension and calls his dad but it goes straight to voicemail.

No time to stress though because the Alpha’s at the door. Stiles takes charge again leading the group up the stairs and into the other fixed set they have – the chemistry room. They brace the door with a chair and the Alpha walks right past them. Conveniently there is a door to the roof located in the chemistry lab, but for dramatic purposes the door is deadbolted and the key is on the dead janitor’s body.

Scott being the hero volunteers to get the key off the janitor’s body and everyone thinks this is a terrible idea until Lydia informs them she can make a self igniting Molotov cocktail out of the chemicals in the room. Everyone is shocked by this outburst except Stiles, Stiles is aroused (same Stiles, same – talk science to me Lydia). While making the weapon Jackson gives Lydia something that is not sulfuric acid – when she clearly asks for sulfuric acid.

Allison begs Scott not to leave – she doesn’t want him to die so that’s nice. Also she has no idea what’s happening but she knows that Scott is lying to her. Unfortunately for Allison somebody has to do something and because Scott is the hero it has to be him. Scott is willing to sacrifice his relationship with Allison to protect her and that’s rather heroic. Of course everything would be a lot easier if everyone was honest with each other but they are teenagers after all.

Scott goes off on his mission to find the key, which leads him to the basketball court (drink for movie reference). The body is of course under the bleachers because where else would it be. Scott just wanders under the collapsible bleachers like there’s nothing to fear – and it take him forever to look up. Once he locates the body he has trouble reaching the key (sometimes I just want slap Scott and say you’re a fucken werewolf). As he grabs the keys the bleachers start to close but it’s okay Scott makes it out just in time.

Back in the chemistry lab Allison is upset about Scott, Jackson is comforting her and neither Lydia nor Stiles are particularly happy about it. Lydia questions whether Jackson gave her the right acid… Jackson says that he gave Lydia exactly what she needed.

Scott is confronted by the Alpha on the basketball court, he throws the bomb but it doesn’t ignite (because Jackson’s an arse). The Alpha scratches the back of Scott’s neck he starts wigging out (can we have three cheers for Posey's ass in this scene because it deserves it). Jackson has some kind of sympathy freak out because of the scratches on the back of his neck. Scott turns. Jackson says he’s fine but Stiles notices the scratches on the back of his neck. Busted. 

The school is eerily quiet as a wolfed out Scott makes his way back to the chemistry lab. He reaches the classroom, puts the key in the lock and is about to turn it when he hears Allison’s voice. He breaks the key leaving his friends locked in the classroom. Everyone freaks out, especially Allison but then the familiar sound of sirens can be heard and they breathe a collective sigh of relief.

Outside, Scott and a rather reluctant Stiles inform the Sheriff that it was Derek Hale that attacked them but the Sheriff is reluctant to believe them because they can’t find the janitor’s body anywhere (how the hell did the Alpha clean up the bloody mess left under the bleachers?). You know who did turn up though, the creepy vet that may or may not be the Alpha.

Stiles is excited because yay, they survived (I think that’s cause for celebration as well Stiles) but Scott is not as excited. He’s figured it out, the Alpha didn’t kill them because he wanted Scott to and the worst part – Scott wanted to. Stiles is understandable quite upset by this but there’s not time for brotalks because Allison calls.

Allison is mad. She has no idea what happened but Scott lied to her and that is not cool. She can no longer trust Scott – and that means she can no longer be with him. Scott tries to head it off at the pass by telling Allison to stop talking but there’s nothing he can do. Allison breaks up with Scott and walks away with a determined look on her face.

…to be continued. 

Read more Teen Wolf recaps here.

P.S. Dear Jeff, while I appreciate the horror homage (I am a trashy horror girl myself) there was a seriously lack of gratuitous man flesh in this episode... and that makes me sadder than Scott's face when he realised Allison was breaking up with him.