Thursday, November 22, 2012

Let’s talk about Glee, baby: Grease is NOT the word

So last week I got a tad angry, so I had to take a little bit of a break from Glee otherwise one of us was going to get hurt (hint it would have been me) but I’m back and I have two Glee recaps to make up for it – this one is all about Grease.

So Mr Schue is going to Washington and because he’s just excellent at making decisions he’s decided to leave Finn in charge of glee club… yes that is the same Finn that got kicked out of the army for shooting himself in the leg. Mr Schue has decided that man is capable of chaperoning a bunch of teenagers. 

I can’t even with him anymore so I’m just going to let Sue say it for me:

“This is just another one of your ill-conceived bizarrely sentimental schemes that displays absolutely no forethought and appears immediately ridiculous to everyone in America except you. Finn Hudson barely graduated high school less than six months ago he has no bachelor’s degree, nor the certification to teach in the state of Ohio.”

… and that’s how Sue “C’s” it!

The awesomeness that is Sue’s ability to gage the general feeling of the fandom is reinforced by the fact that this speech is followed by one of Sue’s signature tantrums complete with epic classical soundtrack and child abuse.

Anyway, maybe NEW YORK can get that bad taste out of my mouth and if that doesn’t work there is always Kate Hudson’s legs. But I guess there is a story happening as well because Rachel has her first off-Broadway audition, which should be awesome but the lovely Miss Cassie July does not think Rachel is ready for the rejection and if the sly smile on Cassie’s face is anything to go by my guess is that she wants to be the one to show Rachel just how unready she is – please let it be in a sexy way. COME ON GLEE GIVE ME SOMETHING!

As Rachel’s New York boy toy has been offered the gun that was placed on the mantle way back in episode one – I’m referring to the TA position – I’m guessing that this lesson will involve something sexy, it just won’t be between Cassandra and Rachel.

Meanwhile back McKinley (my goodness are these shifts annoying) – Marley can’t fit her costume… and as she is the size of a rake it’s pretty easy to figure out that it’s not because she has been putting on weight. Clearly this is all part of mean girl Kitty’s evil plan but apparently no one else can see her devil horns so they all just look on sympathetically as Marley gets a complex…

…Cue heartfelt discussion with Marley and her mom. I would care, but I don’t.  

It’s back to Sue vs. Finn (I mean really Sue you should be able to crush him with your pinkie) also thanks for asking what the hell Finn was doing in Georgia for three months… please let it be plus size prostitution.

Sue has a plan. It’s an oldie but a goodie – she has reserved the auditorium for Cheerios practice and it’s not like the musical can practice in the Choir room like they do the rest of the time… so this is a total disaster. It’s okay though because Finn to the rescue. It’s totally an awesome idea to take a bunch of teenagers into a working garage (it’s even beats that time Mr Schue decided to hold practice at a roller rink). Healthy and safety win!

Soon enough we are distracted from the safety issues by the blandest, cleaned-up version of “Greased Lightning” ever. Seriously Glee Project winner I am not learning your name because you are too bland to bother with – you are certainly no Danny Zuko. Captain Sam was pretty good as Kenickie but really network TV has been playing Grease for years so why do they need to change the lyrics now… it’s all pretty much innuendo anyway and without it the song is pretty lame.

YAY NEW YORK AGAIN! Kurt’s mind is still back in Lima with his cheating boyfriend and the high school production of Grease. Him and Rachel and umming and ahhing about heading home to catch the show because apparently they need closure… well Rachel has closure but Kurt still needs it. Unfortunately they are all out of cash but it’s okay because fairy godmother Cassie July to the rescue. She’s gonna give them her points to fly home – which would be super nice if she the look on her face didn’t remind me of a Disney villain. Kurt and Rachel don’t see it through and they take her offer.

The actual best part of this scene is the way that Kurt is starring star struck at Cassie July like she is an actual full grown Barbie doll. Just ignore Rachel and watch him.

Back in Lima - Kitty is recommending bulimia to Marley at her evil plan sleepover party… but I am just distracted by the way she is using those two fingers. I might be falling in love with Kitty a bit but guys she’s so evil and crazy and blonde! I never stood a chance. But let’s get to the point of this sleepover, which is a re-enactment of “Look at me I’m Sandra Dee”. The performance it adequate enough, mainly because I am loving the ladies in their pajamas but whatever at least it’s not as bad as “Greased Lightning”.  

Then Finn’s in the principles office again – this time Unique’s parents are concerned about the negative attention she might receive by playing Rizzo in the school musical. I thought we went through this lesson last week and Unique thought it was worth it but apparently not because she’s is out and Santana is in.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am super happy to see Santana again and I will take any kind of Brittana action I can get but really Finn – there is no one that actually goes to this school (or is even still in high school) that could possibly play Rizzo – surely there are more than 12 kids in this school? In fact we know there someone when Tina awkwardly runs in the room ready to take on the role but no Tina, how could you think you would get this role, that’s just stupid, it has to be Santana.

Finally the night of the Musical is here!  Rachel and Kurt are back at McKinley and being all nostalgic – they meet Mercedes and apparently they remember that they all used to be friends. I was worried because Sam and Mercedes have completely forgotten that they were dating. Of course we all know where this is heading… the awkward ex-meet-up. Why did Rachel and Kurt think this was a good idea again? It’s not good, it’s awkward and it’s making me uncomfortable.

And then Darren I mean Blaine is singing– he’s the Teen Angel so all he has to do is sing and make flirty eyes. Urgh Darren why does your character have to suck so bad… seriously the end of this performance I wanted to go back to high school just because he told me too.

Back to the Marley drama and here we go, big hero man to the rescue because we all know the only way for a girl to stop being bulimic is for a cute boy to give her a pep talk. Gross Glee, you suck. But if I’m honest I didn’t really expect any better – that’s right Glee you have sucked the expectations out of me. I have none left. The Finn’s of the world win.

Suddenly I’m happy again because yay Brittana! This is best part of the episode, hands down. And it even makes sense that Santana would engage in this stupid high school shambles of a musical just so she could be near my beloved Brit Brit. Also bit of a bisexual win because Brit says she wasn’t dating anyone guy or girl – props for acknowledgement that it could be either.

Then it’s Santana’s turn to shine with “There are Worse Things I Could Do”. Santana’s performance is intercut with Cassie July seducing Rachel’s New York boy toy, and Unique’s lament at being in the audience and not on the stage… but really it’s all about the Brittana feels.

There is Tina and Mike moment – let’s make Tina feel better because she wasn’t picked for Rizzo – and I’m starting to understand the theme of this episode. All the high school couples that broke up for the very real problems that come with life after school will eventually get back together because they are “meant to be”. VOMIT! Also there is zero chemistry between Glee Project boy and the lovely Marley… but they kiss anyway and the new Puck (Jake) is not happy about it.

Final musical number “You’re the One That I Want” and Glee Project boy is still no Danny Zuko but Marley is rocking those black pants. And then it’s a dream sequence – Finchel with FLASH BACK – remember when Glee was good. Klaine, Tike, Brittana – just reinforcing the fact that all these couples will indeed get back together… eventually.

Rachel is upset by the musical vision because she’s Rachel so she calls one boy to complain about the other one (not cool Rach) but Cassandra picks up Brody’s phone throwing a spanner in her soap opera. Turns out Cassandra was just trying to get Rachel out of town so she could get her paws on Brody to teach Rachel a lesson. I’m not even going to point out that Rachel and Brody are not dating (in fact Rachel was dating someone else until very recently) so she really has no reason to be upset or angry but whatever. I like to think it’s more to do with Cassandra than Brody – but maybe that’s just me.

Obligatory Finchel moment. Finn’s like let’s be friends and please tell me your problems but then he finds out that her problems stem from another guy and he’s not interested in being nice anymore. He doesn’t really want to be friends, he just likes the idea that Rachel is still crying over him – I’m sorry but Finn is the worst.

Obligatory Klaine moment. Blaine wants to alleviate his guilt by giving Kurt all the gory details about his hook up and thankfully Kurt is not interested in listening. Look I understand Blaine has some issues he needs to work through but that is not Kurt’s problem and he shouldn’t try to force it on him.

Finally the reviews are out – they loved Grease… but I can’t help but wonder what this supposedly snarky high school critic would say about Glee.  

And that’s what you missed on Glee