Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Recapturing Teen Wolf: Pack Mentality

I'm still re-watching Teen Wolf - it's time for episode 3! 

Previously on Teen Wolf: Scott wants a normal life and Allison he also wants Allison whose father still wants to kill him. Stiles thinks this is unrealistic. Meanwhile Derek is NOT a killer but he is still a creeper also the bite is a gift.

The scene opens: the high school parking lot – night. Scott and Allison frolic together towards and empty school bus (because that’s what teenagers in love do… in horror movies). Anyone that feels the need to hang out on school grounds after hours deserves to be hacked to pieces, seriously. The young lovers break into the bus so they can “be alone” with some soaring romantic music. It’s all going really well until things start to get a little bit hot and heavy (I definitely saw bra – go Scott).

The wolf claws come out and Scott starts to loose control and wow it’s a thinly veiled metaphor for teenage boys, their uncontrollable hormones and the dangers they possess to beautiful young girls like Allison. Scott attacks Allison in a scene that is taken directly from every generic teen horror flick ever – it’s almost too clich√© to be real. 

That’s because it’s not. The morning after Scott tells Stiles all about his eerily vivid dream. Poor boy woke up sweating and screaming, he’s never had a dream like that. Stiles has, although they ended a little differently… Scott doesn’t want to know that much about Stiles in bed (I could stand to hear a little more).

Stiles insists everything is going to be fine – they will take each day as it comes besides it’s not like there’s a lycanthropy for beginners course… except there is, kind of. Scott thinks it might be a good idea if they asked the only other werewolf they know for advice (oh really Scott) – Stiles is offended at the very mention of Derek’s name. Scott defers to Stiles judgment of course – because after years of being friends with him he’s worked out it just easier to go along with him at least that’s how I imagine it is.

Scott doesn’t know why he’s so shaken up, it’s just the dream felt so real… Oh wait is that a bloody school bus? Shit son that’s not good. (Also why are you exiting the school again, didn’t you just get there).


“It could be a coincidence,” says Stiles, “a seriously amazing coincidence.” Scott’s not listening – he’s having another Allison related freak out. Although he is relatively calm for someone that thinks they just murdered their girlfriend. His heart rate rises and he takes his pent up frustration out on a locker… Jackson’s locker (like he needed another reason to think his life sucks – poor little rich boy).

Who cares about Jackson’s locker because Allison is okay and so are her dimples! Scott forgets all about his earlier freakout and the bloody school bus because Allison ruffles his hair – personally I’m not sure that’s a good sign, I can’t say I have ever ruffled the hair of someone I was interested in seeing naked. But whatever Scott smiles his dopey smile and all is forgiven.

Then Scott and Stiles decide to have this conversation… in the middle of class… and it’s not whispered.

Stiles: Maybe you caught a rabbit or something. 
Scott: And did what? 
Stiles: Ate it. 
Scott: Raw? 
Stiles: No, you stopped to bake it in a little werewolf oven. 

As adorable as that exchange is it’s really not the kind of conversation you should be having in front of at least twenty other people – werewolves: the worst kept secret ever. Judging by Mr creepy teacher I’m not the only one who thinks this. He calls Stiles out on his less than hushed tone. Forcing Stiles and Scott to separate… which Stiles is NOT happy about it.

It’s okay Stiles, the separation doesn’t last long soon enough a random classmate is calling them all to the window – they found something (or someone) in the bus. Unfortunately for Scott it’s not a rabbit, it’s a man but hey look on the bright side: “He got up,” says Stiles, “dead guys don’t do that.” You’re logic is impenetrable Stiles.

As they sit in the cafeteria Scott makes a decision his crippling hero guilt is too much (seriously who’d be a hero?) – he’s going to see Derek. Stiles is still personally offended by this idea for reasons unknown (coughs Sterek). Well okay Derek is pretty creepy and they did get him arrested but’ he’s still the only werewolf they know.

The top-secret conversation (happening in the middle of a crowded room) is interrupted when Lydia sits down next to Scott. They’re both confused – especially Stiles who looks as though he might have an aneurysm. Lydia is joined by a bunch of other pretty people (and Allison of course). Stiles attempts to flash a flirty smile at the girl next to him and then Danny but it doesn’t go well because Stiles has about as much game as a hedgehog courting a balloon. Jackson asks a random extra to move – Danny doesn’t have to move because he’s gay, unlike all the other men on this incredibly heterosexual show (uncontrollable laughter from fandom).

In a matter of minutes we go from learning that the victim of the bus attack is Scott’s old bus driver (important exposition) back into the dreary world of teen dating drama. Scott and Allison have a date – then Lydia invites her and Jackson (who would rather stab himself in the face with a fork) along, then they’re “hanging out” and Scott’s telling everyone that he’s a great bowler. Stiles can only just hold back his laughter as this train wreck evolves in front of him.

Scott is not a great bowler and you don’t hang out with hot girls. Apparently once you start hanging out you might as well be her gay best friend (funnily enough I’m not concerned by this). Then you can start hanging out with Danny (you could be so lucky Scott – Danny isn’t anybody’s gay best friend except Jackson’s). Stiles doesn’t think Danny likes him… is he not attractive to gay guys?

Am I not attractive to gay guys?

Oh Stiles honey I can safely say that you are very attractive to gay guys. Please refer to the AfterElton tumblr for proof.

Scott’s late for work but that’s okay because his boss – the vet – still thinks that he’s one of the least slacking kids in this town.  The Sherriff turns up! Scott turns white as though he’s sure he’s there to arrest him but he’s just bringing one of the police dogs in for a check up. Also he needs a catalyst for some important exposition and to show that the vet is uber creepy yet insists he knows nothing about anything, which is clearly a lie.

Scott takes his mom dinner because he’s a good son – but he’s still not getting the car because there is a police enforced curfew. Then he’s like – why waste a visit – so he goes to check out the seriously injured bus driver who naturally freaked out. This upsets Scott so much that he feels the need to yell at Derek again because that’s his favourite thing to do when he’s angry.

Meanwhile at the Hale house – Deputy redshirt has been sent to investigate whether or not someone is squatting in the decrepit building. Derek makes the dog bark until Deputy redshirt runs away: living to die another day. I guess his shirt wasn’t that red after all.

Then it’s Scott’s turn, he’s for getting Derek arrested and digging up his dead sister’s body but he could really use some help now… oh Scott that’s all he’s ever wanted to hear. Derek is going to be the best werewolf!yoda ever…

Scott: Could you at least tell me the truth? Am I gonna hurt someone? 
Derek: Yes. 
Scott: Could I kill someone? 
Derek: Yes. 
Scott: *Am* I gonna kill someone? 
Derek: Probably 

… maybe not. Great pep talk Derek you should go into motivational speaking… he then proceeds to give Scott the most generic advice I’ve ever heard. He needs to go back to the scene of the crime, he needs to retrace his steps. Seriously Derek, that’s it? That’s the best you got? Dammit Derek you almost had him and then you go with that, I could have given him that advice and I am the worst advice giver ever!  

Scott take Derek’s advice and heads back to the bloody bus… with Stiles by his side of course. Scott tells Stiles to wait in the car – Stiles is upset because it’s starting to feel as though Scott’s Batman and he’s Robin… he doesn’t want to be Robin all the time. Scott thinks that no one is Batman any of the time. Way to ruin our dreams, that’s Scott why don’t you just announce that Santa Claus isn’t real while you’re at it.

Retracing his footsteps works – Scott remembers himself writhing in bed without a shirt (DRINK FOR GRATUITOUS MAN FLESH) and then he remembers not killing the driver. Yay. Unfortunately for Derek Scott has decided he’s guilty again – Stiles does question why Derek would help Scott remember that he killed the driver but Scott won’t hear of it. He wants to blame Derek, so he will blame Derek. Stiles guesses it’s probably part of some kind of werewolf initiation – because ripping someone’s throat out is a real bonding experience.

Good news is he can go out with Allison – and he won’t kill Stiles, that too.  

At the Argent abode Lydia is helping Allison find something to wear for their double date/hanging out session. Mr Hottie Argent enters and Lydia gets her flirt on because Lydia has excellent taste. Papa Argent tells Allison she’s not going out but Allison is not Daddy’s little girl tonight so she puts on her bad girl beanie and climbs out of the window… Lydia takes the stairs because she’s better than you.

Welcome to the worst double date ever. Jackson and Allison actually are great bowlers… Scott is not. At least not until Allison tells him to think of her naked…

…wait what was I saying. Oh right Scott uses his new Allison superwolffocus to get strike after strike. I bet he’s wondering where else she has dimples (I mean what?). Lydia decides to get her flirt on but Scott’s still not interested so she shows them all her perfect form.

Allison: Maybe you should stop pretending to suck just for his benefit.
Lydia: Trust me, I do plenty of sucking just for his benefit.

Meanwhile at the creepiest service station ever – Derek is minding his own business giving the Camaro a feed when he’s interrupted by hottie Hunter Argent. He just wants to have a chat filled with metaphor – you got to keep your car clean or something equality creepy and vaguely sexual. Whatever it doesn’t matter it’s the most threatening window wash I have ever seen but Derek’s too sassy to be intimidated – “you forgot to check the oil”. After that things get a little less subtle (which I didn’t think was possible) and one of the Hunter Henchmen bust the Camaro’s window.

Back at the date from hell – Scott tries to bond with Jackson but Jackson’s not interested. He’s going to figure out exactly what kind of drugs Scott is on and get some for himself. Also Scott must have cheated at bowling because there is no way he could beat Jackson otherwise. The date ends on a happy note – Scott walks Allison to her door, they kiss it’s sickeningly sweet and we’re moving on.

Mama McCall is freaked by a sound coming from her son’s room (she knows Scott isn’t home). She picks up the McCall signature weapon – the baseball bat and…


Stiles is concerned about where this baseball bat comes from – do either of them even play baseball? Mama McCall is concerned that Stiles just broke into her house – neither Stiles nor Scott is worried about this:

Melissa: Can you please tell your friend to use the front door?
Scott: We lock the front door, he wouldn’t be able to get in.
Melissa: Yeah exactly. AND, by the way do either of you care that there’s a police enforced curfew?
Scott and Stiles: No.
Melissa: No. All right then. You know what, that’s enough parenting for me for one night. Good night.

And that is why Melissa is my favourite. Seriously she’s my favourite. All your favourites pail in comparison to her.

The mood shifts quickly – Stiles is the bearer of bad news again. The bus driver ‘succumbed’ to his wounds. You know what that means right? It’s time to go blame Derek again.

Scott bursts into the Hale house angrily – Derek who is always a sucker for the dramatics is nowhere to be found instead opting to be a bodiless voice… and here we go again with the same old Derek/Scott argument. I’m paraphrasing here:

Scott: You’re a murderer
Derek: No I’m not
Scott: You ruined my life
Derek: No I didn’t
Scott: You suck
Derek: How did you know… I mean what?

Verbal sparring soon escalates to violence and you know shit’s getting serious when Derek takes his jacket off (that image itself is enough to fuel fangirl fantasies for years). After a highly choreographed fight scene it is revealed that Derek is NOT the one that bit Scott. It was an Alpha (they’re Beta’s) – more animal than human. Derek needs Scott’s help to find the Alpha because Scott’s part of his pack…

The camera drift through the Hale house and back outside into the woods where it reveals a pair of red glowing eyes. Dun Dun Dun!

Read more Teen Wolf recaps here.