Sunday, June 2, 2013

Recapturing Teen Wolf: Are you sure we can't just kill him?

Previously on Teen Wolf… It’s called a Kanima. They thought it was Lydia, Derek wanted to kill her. It wasn’t Lydia it was Jackson. Also Scott’s the alpha of his own pack.

Video – Jackson’s in his room. It’s the night of the full moon. Time passes as Jackson sleeps. Then he sits up. Slowly and looks directly at the camera. Then he starts to shift. It doesn’t really look like a pleasant experience.

Danny types a message to Jackson – he recovered the video but he didn’t watch it because contrary to what Jackson thinks he is not actually Danny’s type and Danny has no interest in seeing what he gets up to in bed at night. Also Danny’s a good friend and Jackson asked him not to watch it. Danny places his tablet in the trunk of his car.

Allison is dropping a very frustrated Lydia back at her house. She asks Lydia to promise not tell anyone what just happened and Lydia like fine I promise not to tell if you tell me what just happened. Allison just says it’s complicated and if I was you Lydia I’d punch her in the face. Instead she shows more self-restraint than I would and says: how about you start with, why Derek was there, where did Jackson go and what the hell is wrong with Erica?

Allison ignores all of her questions and instead makes the whole thing about her relationship with Scott hoping to appeal to Lydia’s understanding of young love… except Lydia’s not in the mood to be understanding of young love at the moment especially after what happened with Jackson.

...and then Allison chases after Lydia and tells her that she loves her like that.
At this point I am just really pissed that she is not explaining things to Lydia anymore. I mean they can’t make the argument that it’s not safe because clearly Lydia’s not safe whether she knows or not. Plus Allison of all people should understand what it’s like to be left out of the loop and lied to by the people she trusts the most. Not cool Allison. Really very not cool.

Meanwhile Derek’s chasing the Kanima (aka Jackson) through the abandoned industrial area of Beacon Hills. He’s not the only one’s chasing it. The Jeep pulls up to a fence, Stiles asks what they’re supposed to do now but Scott’s already out the door on foot.

Derek’s fighting the Kanima and the Kanima is winning with Chris Argent shows up and empties a round of bullets into the creature’s chest. It doesn’t even slow it down. That’s when Gerard turns up and just walks up to the Kanima and stands in front of it. Scott jumps in and knocks the Kanima away sharing a pointed look with Gerard before running off.

Opening Credits.

Scott chases the Kanima to the entrance of a local nightclub. That’s where Stiles finds him. Stiles asks Scott a bunch of questions he doesn’t know the answer to and Scott has no time of Stiles sarcastic humor right now.

Stiles: Scott come on, I’m 147 pounds of pale skin and fragile bone. Sarcasm is my only defense.

Scott doesn’t care he just want Stiles to help him find it… and Stiles can do that because no sooner has Scott made is request when Stiles tells his friend to look up. The Kanima is on the roof crawling into the building. Scott takes another look at the line of people entering the club and his fear floats across his face he smelled something… Armani. He knows who it’s after. They watch Danny walk into the club (seriously though guys how is no one shipping this?).

Scott and Stiles sneak round back and while Stile stiles is trying to figure out a way in Scott breaks the door handle off and the back door swings open… that works.

Did you mean the boys locker room?
Inside sweaty half-naked men are dancing and rubbing up against each other (so it’s basically the locker room… I mean what?). Scott’s like dude, everyone in here’s a dude, they’re in a gay club, and Stiles – who is currently being fawned over by a group of drag queens – is like nothing gets past those keen werewolf senses huh Scott.

Actual truth of what would happen if Stiles walked into a gay bar dressed like that.
Danny stands at the bar watching his ex dance with another dude. The cute-but-wise bartender comes over to give him little advice. Break ups are bad but you know what’s good… rebound sex.

Use a condom.
After Danny has left Scott and Stiles approach the bar and ask for two beers. The cute-but-wise bartender gives them the once over and asks for ID. They show him and he’s so not buying it so he offers them cokes instead. Shirtless bartender brings them their drinks and tells them that Scott’s is paid for by the hottie at the end of the bar. Scott blushes and looks very pleased with himself and Stiles is pissed. Stiles honey it’s okay, I’m pretty sure the only reason no one is hitting on you is because the Drag Queens have already sent out a hands-off warning to the entire bar.

Stiles scans the dance floor and quickly locates Danny and Scott spots the Kanima on the roof. Scott tells Stiles to get Danny while he’s going after Jackson.

Meanwhile Lydia is letting her dog out for the evening and it runs out of the gate and suddenly I am terrified because dogs that run away from their owners in horror movies always end up strung up and gutted. Lydia must be thinking the same thing because she’s freaking out when in walks cute hipster boy (who may or may not be a hallucination) holding her puppy.

Back at the club the smoke machine hides the Kanima as Scott and Stiles make their way through the crowded dance floor. The Kanima starts paralyzing patrons, including Danny, as it walks through the dance floor. Scott and Stiles are not the only ones looking, Derek is here too and he’s wolf out so clearly he means business. Derek guts the Kanima but he gets away before Derek can finish him. Scott follows the trails of blood into the parking lot where he finds Jackson in human form unconscious.

It's not what it looks like.
Back at Lydia’s she’s asking for a non-rapist explanation as to why cute hipster boy is in her yard. He saw the dog. He lives in the house behind hers. She seems confused by this but moves on quickly when he asks if she’s all right. She looks shocked but that’s probably because he’s the first person to ask if she is okay since this whole thing began.

Lydia: I’m not crazy. I may be the girl who sleep walks naked and writes backwards on the chalkboard but at least I’m not one of those desperate Vicodin popping wrist cutters at school.

He moves forward, she moves backwards. He’s like maybe I was trying to kiss you and she’s like maybe I don’t want you to. He asks to hold her hand and Lydia thinks he lame then he gives her a rather familiar looking purple flower and tells her to keep because if she loses it he will be very sad.

At the club – which is called Jungle btw – Danny is being wheeled out on a stretcher… Scott rushes to his side because he wanted to know that Danny was okay. Then he tries to ask some questions but his hearts not in it because all he really wants to know is if Danny is okay. Danny just asks if the same thing happened to his ex. Scott says yes and Danny says in that case he’s great.

The true romance of Teen Wolf.
If you don’t think Danny is in love with Scott then I don’t know what show you are watching. I bet that’s why he broke up with his boyfriend. Because he danced with Scott at the winter formal and his ex could tell Danny had feelings for Scott and Danny couldn’t deny it because his greatest secret is that he is in love with Scott. The worst part is that every time he convinces himself that Scott’s straight and it could never happen Scott does something that keeps his hopes alive. Dammit Scott stop leading the poor boy on with your oblivious flirting.

Anyway Scott heads back to the Jeep where Stiles is waiting. Scott tells Scott he couldn’t get any information out of Danny and Stiles just wants to get out of there before one of his dad’s deputies spots him. It’s too late, his dad’s cruiser just pulled up in front of the jeep. Could this get any worse? Jackson groans from the back seat and Stiles is like that was a rhetorical question.

Scott tells Stiles to get rid of his father and Stiles jumps out of the car to head the Sheriff off before he reaches the jeep.

Sheriff: What are you doing here?
Stiles: What do you mean what am I doing here? What it’s a club, it’s a club we were clubbing at the club.
Sheriff: Not exactly your type of club.
Stiles: Well dad there’s a conversation that we need…
Sheriff: You’re not gay.
Stiles: What I could be?
Sheriff: Not dressed like that.

We’ll ignore the obvious problems with this scene because it’s pretty hilarious to watch Stiles indignation at the fact that his father thinks he couldn’t be gay also his confusion at the Sheriff’s judgment of his fashion choices. Besides it’s less that the Sheriff is denying Stiles is gay and more than he’s cutting of Stiles lie before he gets into the full swing of it. Then it gets real. The Sheriff is worried about Stiles and he’s been fed too many lies… so Stiles feeds him another one. Stiles says he was there to support Danny who just broke up with his boyfriend and the Sheriff thinks that’s really nice of him.

In the distance Hottie Hunter Argent and Grandpa Argent are watching the scene from inside their SUV. Chris says that the rumor is drugs but he has some questions for his father. How come he just stood there while the Kanima was right in front of him? Gerard has a suspicion as to what it is and if he’s right then it plays by certain rules. Also it might be helpful because that was the first glimpse they had of Derek since Kate died… the best way to eliminate a threat is to get someone else to do it.

Scott and Stiles are trying to think of somewhere to take Jackson. Somewhere they can hold him for long enough to convince him he’s dangerous. Stiles suggests they just kill him but Scott says no. Good thing Stiles has a plan B. 

Scott: Does it involve breaking the law?
Stiles: By now don’t you think that’s a given?
Scott: I was just trying to be optimistic.
Stiles: Don’t bother.

Cut to Jackson waking up in a metal room – it’s a police lock-up van. Scott and Stiles stole police vehicle… talk about illegal. Jackson it sitting alone until Stiles jumps in. Jackson it s little bit upset about the current situation and he yells at Stiles to let him out now.

Stiles: You know I put those pants on you all right buddy. One leg at a time. Being all up close and personal with your junk wasn’t exactly a highlight of my day. So don’t think this is fun for me either.

I think thou does protest to much Stiles.  Also I notice you didn’t put a shirt on him and that doesn’t involve going anywhere near his junk. Stiles tells Jackson that he’s really doing him a favor. After all, Jackson is killing people… to death so until they figure out how to stop him he has to say here. But Stiles brought sandwiches so it’s not all bad.

Jackson’s like my parents are going to be looking for me and Stiles takes out Jackson’s phone and informs him that he’s been messaging his parents since last night. Jackson smirks.

Mr Whittmore (aka Jackson’s dad) is at the police station. He’s showing the message Stiles sent to the Sheriff. They know something’s wrong because Jackson’s hasn’t said ‘I love you’ since he found out he was adopted.

Allison is with Grandpa Argent, she tells him that she’s studying with Lydia but Gerard is certain she has time for another metaphor lesson. The police called about Jackson not being in school. Allison says she doesn’t know anything but Grandpa Argent knows that a teenagers first instinct is to protect their friends so he asks her again… while taking her pulse. Her pulse jumps when she denies that it has anything to do with Scott. Allison says that her pulse jumped because he’s scaring her because Allison is not as easily manipulated as people think and she certainly not willing to take anyone’s bullshit even her grandfathers.

As she’s leaving the office Allison notices a security camera being put up – they’re all over the school. In class Allison tries to get Scott attention but it turns out they have a substitute and I have a new fantasy. The teacher is Mama Argent.

You can punish teach me any day,
Stiles is explaining the Kanima to Jackson and Jackson is not impressed. He doesn’t believe him especially when Stiles says that last night he tried to kill Danny. Why would Jackson try to kill his best (some might say only) friend? Stiles has one more question… what happened on the night of the full moon?

I feel like this cap accurately portrays their relationship.
Mama Argent stops Allison as she’s leaving the classroom. They’ve noticed quite a few calls on her cell to the odd one (she means Stiles). Allison says that Stiles has a crush on Lydia so she needs to stay in touch with him, which doesn’t really make much sense but whatever. Mama McCall tells Allison she’s so much better than all these other girls because she doesn’t care about boys and prom.

Allison: Can’t I be strong and go to prom?

And in that one sentence Allison has expressed everything that is wrong with the concept of ‘strong female characters’.  Mama Argent sighs and says of course she can go to prom, just not with Scott. Remember as long as she stays strong they won’t have to kill a sixteen-year-old boy.

All of this all the time please Teen Wolf.
Stiles using Jackson’s phone to send another text when he hears a noise… it’s Allison. She tells Stiles that they know Jackson is missing and Stiles looks at the phone he’s holding like it’s a bomb… because it is. They jump into the van and turn on the police radio. The police are heading their way. They start driving and Stiles throws the phone out of the window (and now I’m wondering why that police vehicle doesn’t have a tracking system?).

Drink for gratuitous man flesh.
Scott is visiting Danny in the hospital (just adding fuel to Danny’s crush again) and Danny is shirtless. This is a good hospital. Very medical. Also if Danny is not in love with Scott then he has to think that Scott has a crush on him right? Danny is pissed because they cops took his fake ID. Scott asks Danny how things with Jackson are… Danny is like well Jackson’s a pretty angry dude but they’re good. He was actually doing him a favor by recovering a video. Scott asks what was on the video but Danny says he’s not supposed to say, then Scott offers to get his fake ID back and he caves.

On his way out Scott is stopped by his mother. She has to be tough mom for a moment. He’s failing two classes. If he fails even one midterm they’re going to hold him back. Scott is shocked but he has more important things to worry about. I'm not having a go, he really does have other things to worry about. 

Scott rides his bike to Danny’s care but the tablet has already been stole… suspicious. Back at the van, which is now parked at Scott and Allison’s lovers meeting spot, Scott, Stiles and Allison are talking about who or what could have taken the tablet. The Kanima seeks a friend. Maybe someone’s protecting him and maybe it does go after murderers.

Jackson’s listening in to this conversation and he’s not taking well. But Stiles is not a murderer, but what if he wasn’t trying to kill him. Everytime they have seen the Kanima it could have easily taken them out, but it doesn’t. Stiles reminds them of the time at the pool, it would have killed them if they got out… but Scott says what if it was trying to keep them in the pool? A nice idea but doesn’t really make much sense unless the Kanima’s “friend” is a Sterek shipper but let’s not logic this too hard. Stiles feels violated (breaking the fourth wall maybe).

Stiles has a solution, they kill Jackson. Scott’s like no he risked his life for them against Peter. Stiles reminds him that they just found out that Jackson got the bite, it’s strange that he got exactly what he wanted after supposedly helping them out of the goodness of his heart. It doesn’t matter – Scott’s not going to let him die. Jackson needs help and he has no one else. Stiles says that’s his own fault and a tear falls down Jackson’s cheek. He starts to shift.

Jackson you are legitimately the saddest character on the show.
Later that night, Allison and Scott are having a heart felt convo in the car instead of watching Jackson. Scott questions how Chris knew where to be to find the Kanima and Allison’s like wait you think I did it? Scott says no but the seed of doubt has been planted. Scott asks if Allison wants him to be normal (because Lydia could be the key to the cure) and she says she wants anything that lets them be together… forever. That wasn’t really an answer Allison but they ignore that and decide to have sex instead.

I just want to point out that while I am judging Scott and Allison for their poor decision making skills – I think this was exactly what would have happened in that situation. Of course the teenagers are going to ignore the problem and have sex. Teenagers are inherently selfish beasts even perfect ones like Scott.

While Scott and Allison are having sex, Jackson is shifting and calling for help. Poor Jackson. He breaks the cuffs and that’s pretty much the end of that. When Stiles turns up he knocks on the window of the car where Allison and Scott are engaging in a post-coital snooze and tells them that they might want to have a look at this. The door of the van is broken open and Jackson is gone.

Can we talk about how many times Stiles has probably caught them in this position?
Allison tells Scott that it’s time to tell her father and Stiles thinks it’s time to tell his as well. They’re just a bunch of teenagers they can’t handle this. It takes Scott a minute to admit that this is right thing to do but he does and he’s going to help Stiles break the news to his dad. This moment should get more praise then it does because that is a hard choice they just made.

At the Argent abode Allison turns on the light in her room to reveal Lydia sitting alone in the dark on her bed. Apparently she’s picked up that Hale. She needs to talk to someone but Allison doesn’t have time. Lydia is pissed, why doesn’t anyone ever have the time to talk to her? Allison tells her that not everything is about her. Punch her Lydia. Punch her. Allison really needs someone that knows archaic Latin. Lydia just casually says, I know archaic Latin, she got bored with Classical Latin. Allison is impressed and slightly aroused (okay maybe that’s me).

Lydia Martin: Creeper.
At the Sheriff’s department Scott and Stiles walk in ready to tell the Sheriff the truth about werewolves but they a greeted by something they didn’t expect. Jackson is sitting in the Sheriff’s office, with her father, the lawyer. The Sheriff is not impressed.

Smug bastard.

Back in Allison’s room Lydia is translating the bestiary and it seems that Ms Morrell was mistaken. The Kanima doesn’t seek a friend… it seeks a master.

See how much easier this would have been if Lydia was in on it the whole time.
To be continued...