Monday, June 3, 2013

Recapturing Teen Wolf: You just have to believe.

Previously onTeen Wolf… It’s called and Kanima and it’s Jackson. A Kanima seeks a master and Scott’s pencil is going to be sharpened if he doesn’t stop violating Allison. Also Scott’s joining Derek’s pack but they’re doing it his way and Allison has a date but it’s not Scott. 

A phone buzzes, it’s Jackson’s. His mission, that he has no choice to accept, is to leave school in his Porsche, fastforward until it’s dark and go to the top secret place where they are selling top secret tickets to a top secret rave that everyone knows about.

Jackson’s spots creepy Matt, who is terrified of Jackson so he lets him cut in line – the unbelievable part is that no one complains. You can’t just cut in line when there are a limited number of tickets without getting punched in the face. I’m just saying. Anyway, Scott is stalking Jackson and watching from the shadows.

Same, Sheriff. 
The Sheriff bites into a burger only to discover that it is not the meet he so desperately craved. It’s a veggie burger… because veggie is healthier. He’s also got a lovely pile of chopped veggies to go with it instead of fries. He seems super glad he let Stiles bring him dinner.  But at the same time – ALL THE STILINSKI FAMILY FEELS!

Stiles tries to get his dad to tell him what’s going on with the case but the Sheriff is not sharing confidential police work with a teenager.  Unfortunately he should have thought of that before he let Stiles into the room because the confidential police work is posted on the wall behind him.  He tries to get Stiles to stop looking but he knows it’s not going to work so he caves and tells Stiles that he has something. Three of the victims had something in common.

Sheriff: And you know what I always say. One’s an accident, two’s a coincidence…
Stiles: And three’s a pattern.

All the victims were the same age (apart from Mr Lahey but he was a dick so who even cares about him anyway and he had a son that was the same age as the other victims). Stiles points out that that means the victims would have been in the same class at school – the Sheriff would have totally figured that out on his own. They hit the yearbooks and discover that all three victims (and Camden Lahey) were in Mr Harris’s class! Nice detecting Stilinski’s!

Back at the warehouse Scott approaches creepy Matt to find out how much the secret tickets to the secret rave are.

Scott: How much are tickets?
Matt: 75.
Scott: Can I borrow some money?
Matt: Yeah, how much?
Scott: 75?

Then Matt gets that look that everyone who talks to Scott gets at some point – the are you serious or are you joking look (with just a hint of arousal in the background). He doesn’t lend Scott the money but Scott joins the end of the line anyway.

Jackson approaches the girl selling tickets (she just happens to be in the same year as the previous victims). Jackson is even creepier than usual on account of he’s not actually Jackson he’s the Kanima, which apparently means he can’t speak so he just uses hand signals and lingering touches. It works because he gets a ticket and it creeps the victim girl out so much she retreats leaving the rest of the crowd (including Scott) very disappointed.

Opening Credits!

At the hospital an ambulance officer let’s Papa Argent and a rather nervous looking Allison into the morgue – it’s father-daughter bonding time: Hunter style. Papa Argent shows Allison the latest Kanima victims in the hopes that she will understand that with great power comes great responsibility. Except he quotes Winston Churchill not Spiderman (while those words were attributed to Uncle Ben he didn’t actually utter them so don’t get all uppity with me).

Anyway there’s stuff about knowledge and power and it’s all very emotionally manipulative so naturally Allison caves because she’s a 17-year-old girl and this is way beyond her pay grade.

Animal clinic: Scott opens the door for Derek and Isaac (and I promise you I am not crying about Derek and Scott working together because that would be ridiculous but there might be something my eye… like feelings).

Scott: (to Derek) What’s he doing here?
Derek: I need him.
Scott: I don’t trust him.
Isaac: Yeah well he doesn’t trust you either.
Derek: And Derek really doesn’t care.

When Derek gets snarky it goes straight to my lady loins. Then Deaton arrives to be all cryptic…

Deaton: That depends are you planning to kill him or save him?
Scott: Save him.
Derek: Kill him.
Scott: SAVE HIM.

Derek looks as though he still thinks murder is the better option but he bows to Scott’s will because they enjoy toying with my emotions. See how much better everything is when Scott and Derek work together because they’re brothers now.

Deaton has some jars full of substances that are probably harmful to werewolves so naturally Isaac tries to touch them. The best offense is a good defense, so they need to figure out the kanima’s weakness – it can’t swim (they know this on account of that one time Stiles held Derek in the pool for two hours… it was a pool of fangirl tears). Jackson can swim (he’s on the swim team) so the weakness must come from whoever is control it, which means if something affects the Kanima, it also affects its master.

Jar of ash around the symbol and it all means something but I don’t even care because I am still crying about Derek and Scott working together.

The next day, the Jeep pulls into the school parking lot where there is always a space waiting for it (strange). Scott and Stiles jump out running in to creepy Matt who is tying up his bike. Matt wants to know why no one is getting suspended for knocking him unconscious the other day.

Stiles: Forget about it, nobody got hurt.
Matt: I had a concussion,
Stiles: Well nobody got seriously hurt.
Matt: I was in the ER for 6 hours.
Stiles: Do you want to know the truth Matt? Your little bump on the head is about this high on our list of problems right now.

Scott, who has a little something called empathy, asks if Matt is okay and then talks about the upcoming rave. Creepy Matt got tickets (of course he did) but Scott and Stiles were not so lucky. Matt walks away and Stiles reminds Scott and the audience that he doesn’t like creepy Matt.

In my beloved locker room – Coach Cupcake wants to know where Jackson is. Stiles hasn’t seen him since the last time he saw him, which was the last time he saw him. Coach Cupcake sends a message through Danny or something but Stiles is more concerned with the fact that Danny has two tickets to the rave – he’s working on getting a date.

Why is no one shirtless?
Danny walks away from Stiles because it’s the only way to deal with him and Isaac wonders how Scott and Stiles even survive (we’ve all been wondering the same thing since they decided to go into the woods at night to find a dead body).

Seriously though, those shirts are not needed.
Never fear, Isaac has a plan. A plan that involves excessive violence of course but it works so who are we to complain.

Scott meets Allison in an empty classroom, she’s upset because her dad is a total dick (he’s just lucky he’s so hot). Scott things everything is okay because he’s the eternal optimist and we love him for it. He even tries to justify Papa Argents actions – is he a saint or what?

Then Scott’s all, I think we should see other people and I’m like what? Hold up? But he means for appearances sake on account of Mama Argent threatened to sharpen his penis… ouch. Allison takes a step back from Scott and this is it, the beginning of the end – you can tell because the music changes. Allison already kind of maybe accidentally agreed to a date with creepy Matt.

Scott is so confident in his relationship he thinks it’s a great idea, he even suggests that Allison kiss Matt. So Allison kisses Scott to remind him what he’s missing and I’m getting sad about these stupid teenagers and their stupid romance again. Because both Scott and Allison are keeping secrets and secrets are bad.

This is without a doubt my fave shot in Teen Wolf history.
Outside in the hallway, Mama Argent is watching the exchange with the scariest eyes ever (so aroused right now). Watch out Scott, shit is about to get real.

Back at the Animal clinic Deaton gives them a syringe filled with ketamine – that should take him down. Then he hands Stiles a jar and tells him that he has a very important task.

Stiles: That sounds like a lot of pressure, could we maybe find a slightly less pressure filled task for me? 

In the jar is Mountain Ash, the vet’s office is lined with it – it works as a barrier against supernatural threats. So if they surround the warehouse then the Kanima and it’s master will be trapped. Except it’s not that simple. Mountain Ash is like gunpowder – it still needs a spark to ignite.

Deaton: You need to be that spark Stiles.
Stiles: If you mean light myself on fire I don’t think I’m up for that.

Scott seems equally concerned about this idea and Deaton looks about ready to knock himself unconscious (which is actually how I looked when the fandom somehow got the idea that Stiles was magic from this exchange). It comes from sheer force of will. If this is going to work, Stiles has to believe it… Stiles doesn’t look like he believes anything at the moment.

In the Argent basement, Hottie Hunter Argent is trying to kill me with sexual frustration as he fondles his weapons and attaches his thigh holster. JFC, I know there is important exposition happening right now but did I mention the thigh holster? Because that should come with a warning.

The gist is that they are going after Jackson at the rave and Allison is going to help – except she doesn’t know that they are planning to kill Jackson not catch him. But also thigh holster, and gun fondling… oh and Grandpa Argent tries to look threatening with the worlds tiniest knife.

What's he planning to do? Peal some fruit?
Stiles passes a dejected looking Sheriff as he rushes to the car. He stops to ask if his dad is okay. He’s not okay. He left his gun at the station with his badge – they fired him…. Because of Stiles. Oh NO WHAT IS THIS I DID NOT ASK FOR THESE STILINSKI FEELINGS RIGHT NOW WE ARE TRYING TO CATCH A KANIMA GOD DAMMIT.

Stiles: Why aren’t you angry at me?
Sheriff: Maybe I don’t want to have to feel any worse than I already do by having to yell at my son.

Stiles eyes are glistening with the ghosts of his past but he can’t stay and look after his dad because he has to help stop Jackson from murdering people. Scott notices something is wrong because Stiles is not speaking – and Scott just knows his best friend. Stiles pretends he’s okay. He’s not okay and neither am I. Also Stiles thinks this plan sucks but Scott can’t stick around to chat because his Allison sense is tingling.

Sexy slow motion walk. 
Isaac and Erica strut into the rave in slow motion, like they own the place. They prowl through the crowd in search of Jackson.

Scott spots Allison, Allison spots Scott. It’s all very awkward. They have a D&M in the middle of a rave, which is just not practical. Scott has a plan, and so does Allison’s dad. They both have plans, that are probably going to fuck up each other’s plans and this is why everyone should just talk to each other. Scott walks off as leaving Allison all alone.

Stiles is creating the mountain ash circle. Gerard has arrived and the soon-to-be Kanima victim is hanging out with the DJ.

*True Love*
Scott and Isaac share a moment – Scott has to make sure that Chris doesn’t fuck up his plans so Isaac has to give Jackson the drugs. Then Scott tells Isaac to be careful and my heart melts because I’m pretty sure this is the first time anyone has cared about Isaac’s wellbeing ever. You can actually see the moment he falls in love. Same Isaac, same.

Outside it’s a sexy swagger meeting as Hottie Hunter Argent (with his backing henchmen) meet with Derek and Boyd. There’s some snarking at each other – and Derek thinks he’s one until Chris pulls out his gun. What? Derek seriously? Did you actually not expect hunters to shoot at you? Because I don’t even know what to say about that.

Tight pants swaggering into my heart (and my knickers).
You can that a swagger, this is a swagger.
They fight, Derek and Boyd lose because Derek is the worst at fights and should probably just stay at home when people are doing important things. Boyd gets hit with a wolfsbane bullet and Derek tells him to get out of there. It would be kind of sweet if it wasn’t the same self-sacrificing bullshit that Derek constantly employs because he has the self-esteem of a teenager with BO. 

Teen Wolf or porn? Both... Both is good.
Inside Isaac and Erica are sexy dancing with Jackson and it’s too bad that this is going to end in violence because that would have been one hot threesome. It’s legitimately uncomfortable how sexy this is – especially when Jackson stabs Isaac and Erica and they look like they are having the best orgasms ever. 

Jackson gets away, but luckily he wastes time doing his sexy stalking walk so Isaac is able to catch up with him and inject the sedative.

Outside Stiles had run out of mountain ash and Scott has been hit by a car. It’s gets better because the person driving the car has fantastic legs, oh and it’s Allison’s mom. She looks very pleased with herself.

Stiles tries to call Scott but he’s out of commission so Stiles is all alone, he’s run out of magic fairy dust and he’s hearing gunfire and werewolves. It’s not an environment that is concussive to belief but he’ll give it his best shot. Then he sees it, the inspirational bumper sticker that has been haunting this season: Imagination is more important than knowledge. So Stiles closes his eyes and imagines… and he does it! GO STILES! He sets of a car alarm during his celebrations.

Mama Argent has Scott trapped and she’s certainly not going to be offering him any cookies. She starts talking about kids these days with their medicinal marijuana – she’s old school in that she uses her vaporizer to murder teenagers and make it look like an asthma attack. 

Team bad decisions! It's like an after school special waiting to happen.
Erica and Isaac have a passed out Jackson trapped – Stiles arrives and takes charge because Isaac tried to claw Jackson and it didn’t end well. It’s not that I think Erica and Isaac are particularly good decision makers, it’s just that I don’t feel particularly safe when Stiles is in charge.

*sings* you're an assshoooleleleoleoleoleeeeee
Meanwhile Allison is still on the most awkward date ever, which is made even more awkward when they run into Mr Harris and his very young day. He insists she’s 21 but the thing is, if you have to make that distinction she’s probably too young for you.

I would like to thank this shot for all the demon Stiles fic. 
Stiles begins to interrogate Jackson – but it’s not Jackson, it’s the person controlling him. The one that is making Jackson kill murderers – all the people Jackson deserved it. They murdered the person controlling the Kanima… wait what? No time to consider the implications because Jackson is about to Kanima out.

Allison’s night is not getting better and when she confides in creepy Matt about her feelings he decides it’s a good time to kiss her. It’s not a good time and the best part is she doesn’t let Matt get away with it. She tells him he was wrong because Allison is better than you and is not interested in this entitled dickwads with no respect for consent.

The Kanima is on the loose and there’s no saving victim number 4. GORE!!!!

Derek just accidentally agreed to let Stiles top.
Stiles runs outside towards Derek but Erica and Isaac are unable to leave because of the Mountain ash. Stiles is very excited because he did something. I’m excited for you too Stiles.

Back in the murder room, Mama Argent is not going to let Scott go peacefully. She’s taunting him about being a wolf without a pack – an Omega.  Here’s the thing though, Scott is not alone. He has a pack, he has friends, he has family! Scott howls for help and Derek hears him because they’re brothers now.  *sobs*

I'm not crying... 
I just have werewolf brothers in my eye.
Derek yells at Stiles to break the Mountain ash barrier – Stiles doesn’t want to because he did something to help and he doesn’t want to ruin it but Scott is in trouble so he breaks it (he’s not happy about it though).

Derek rushes to Scott’s aid but he’s affected by the wolf’s bane mist so he’s disorientated when he enters the room. Mama Argent gets the jump on him (because she might be a little bit evil but she’s also totally badass) but Derek is stronger so she runs and Derek is able to rescue Scott… because they’re brothers now.

Allison is upset because the plan didn’t work (and she might have broken up with her boyfriend but let’s not think about that). Grandpa Argent is not concerned, he seems to think that everything is going according to plan even though someone died. I don’t but Allison that probably should be a pretty good indicator that he’s evil!

You'll always be the Sheriff of my heart.
Papa Stilinski (formally known as Sheriff Stilinski) arrives at the crime scene even though he’s not supposed to be there. He just wants to check but it seems that the latest victim was not in Mr Harris’s class.

Deaton fixes up Scott as Derek watches. He looks so concerned because even though Derek consistently makes the wrong choice he doesn’t want to be a bad guy. He wants to be the hero and that’s what makes his story so incredibly sad. But it’s pretty clear that he really cares about Scott because he thanked Deaton. If you don’t think that’s a big deal but you haven’t been paying attention.

Let's be strangely cryptic and not particularly helpful together.
In the waiting room of the Animal clinic the school guidance councilor – Ms Morrell – is waiting for Deaton. She’s judging him for letting a bunch of teenagers solve the towns problems. So am I. Seriously. What are you doing Deaton? Anyway something worse is coming so yay.

I might be having some emotions about this okay.
Finally Mama Argent stumbles out of the warehouse towards Chris. She’s hurt but it’s difficult trying to drum up sympathy because she got hurt TRYING TO KILL SCOTT. Okay but when it’s revealed that she has a bite on her shoulder, the bite of an Alpha it is actually pretty sad… and Chris really does love her.

To be continued…