Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Recapturing Teen Wolf: Who's That Girl?

Previously on Teen Wolf… Scott doesn’t think Derek should be able to just turn people into werewolf’s and Derek thinks he can do what he wants because he’s the alpha. Allison broke up with Scott but Scott knows they’ll be together eventually. Also the Alpha Pack is here and they have Boyd and Erica.

It’s blurry, there’s fog. Very mysterious horror. A girl is dragging a body down a wet street… it’s Isaac and he’s not looking good. She stops, pulls out a car battery and uses it to jump-start Isaac’s heart. The Girl (now with capitals) helps Isaac up and carries him to her motorbike because she is s total badass that is ready to rescue damsels like Isaac any day of the week.

The back of Isaac’s neck hurts; it’s how they share memories. Except he doesn’t remember anything… that’s because it’s also how they steal memories and that can’t be good. I would like to suggest that from this moment on we believe nothing because it could be a fake memory but I swear to god if Scott wakes up at the end of the series and it was all a dream I will punch somebody…. Probably Jeff.

(Jeff if you’re reading this: prepare to be punched.)

Anyway The Girl pulls Isaac onto the back of her badass motorbike and tells him to hold on. They ride through the streets of Beacon Hills but it soon becomes clear that they are not alone. Something is chasing them. Literally running after them and they are able to keep up with a motorbike so it has to be something supernatural.

It is soon revealed that what is chasing them is actually a who… it’s the Alpha Twins. They are clawing at the bike as it curves its way through alleyways and backstreets.

I just want to point out that this is pretty ambitious opening sequence – and I’m not entire sure that Teen Wolf has the budget to pull of these kind of epic CGI based stunts. But I like that they tried, it suggests that this season is going to be all about pushing boundaries and that’s something I can get on bored with.

The Girl hits a dead end and turns the bike around to face the oncoming Alpha twins. She charges them with the bike and turns at the last minute swerving out of their reach and right through a window. Unfortunately Isaac just can’t hold on anymore. He passes out causing the bike to crash.

Welcome to Teen Wolf boys... have a drink in return for your gratuitous man flesh.
Isaac can’t move, as the Alpha twins walk in unison towards them. The Alpha twins strut and they pull off their jackets revealing the chiseled physique below. Then one Alpha twin grabs the other and morph together to create a super!Alpha. Isaac keeps crawling but it’s not looking good until The Girl tells him to get down and shoots the super!Alpha with a bolt of electricity shifting them back into their twin form but giving them time to run away. The Girl reprimands Isaac: she told him to hold on.

Slightly new opening credits: mostly the same except with added levitating Scott, screaming Lydia,  a real live wolf and symbolic tattoos.

That's pretty much how everyone reacts to Scott at first... trust me he grows on you.
Interior of a tattoo parlor, a rough looking tattoo artist with a Biker beard is eying a hand drawn tattoo… it’s just two lines. Sitting in the chair is Scott – with Stiles by his side of course. The tattoo guy tells him, sarcastically that he’s glad Scott thought to draw his very complicated design. Scott’s just happy to be able to help.

He's so proud of his joke.
Stiles is looking through a book of tattoo designs he holds up one that looks like a Kanima and suggests Scott get that one… too soon? He’s not entirely sure about this whole tattoo thing. It seems kind of permanent, Scott’s tattoo doesn’t even mean anything, aren’t tattoo’s supposed to mean something? Scott says that the act of getting a tattoo means something (that’s deep bro). Tattoo guy agrees, in Tahitian it means ‘to leave a mark’ like a right of passage.

Scott’s sure and that’s all that matters. The tattoo guy asks if Scott has a problem with needles but Scott just grits his teeth and tells him to continue. Stiles, on the other hand, is not okay he takes one look at the needle against Scott’s skin and promptly passes out. Oh I have missed comic relief Stiles – it was all a bit emotional at the end of Season 2.

Outside in the car Stile is pressing an ice pack to the back of his head and Scott is complaining about the pain in his arm.

Scott: It kind of burns.
Stiles: Yes you just had your skin stabbed about a hundred thousand times with a needle.

But Scott’s serious; it’s really starting to burn. Ignoring Stiles protests (he really doesn’t want to see Scott’s scared arm) he pulls off the bandage just in time to watch the tattoo disappear. It healed and Stiles is like thank god because he hated it… sorry.

Actual favs being brillant together.
Lydia and Allison are in the car on the way to a group thing that might be a double date but is definitely not an orgy. We find out that Allison was in France over the summer, but she didn’t date anyone and Lydia won’t say Jackson’s name. She will however, talk about how he got shipped off to London and they haven’t spoken since he left. But she’s totally over him.

Lydia: And seriously, an American werewolf in London. Like that’s not going to be a disaster.

Just when I thought I couldn’t love Lydia anymore – plus I’m pretty sure the only reason Jackson went to London is so they could make that joke. It was worth it. They pull up at a red light and guess who pulls up next to them.

Scott and Stiles are in the Jeep talking about, you guessed it, Allison. They haven’t spoken and Scott doesn’t think Allison will be coming back to Beacon Hills. Stiles is pretty sure she will be… considering she’s in the car next to them with Lydia.

I've missed Scott's "Allison face"
Scott stares at Allison, there is slow motion and dimples and romantic music… until Allison notices Scott and things get awkward. They both start to freak out telling their drivers to move. They can’t move though because the light is red. Stiles has another idea though, he thinks they should say hello to them so he roles down his window and starts waving like a maniac. Naturally in response to this Lydia ignores the red light drives away.

I was worried that the dynamic between Stiles and Lydia was going to be significantly different this season, but it’s nice to know that some things never really change. Okay so Lydia actually disobeyed road rules because she was worried about her best friend (I fucking love this friendship) but it’s fun to think it was just because she wanted to ignore Stiles.

Once the light turns green Stiles starts driving again and Scott starts freaking out again… he doesn’t want Allison to think he’s following her. Stiles is like there is nowhere to turn off but Scott uses his puppy dog eyes so Stiles slams on the breaks stopping the car in the middle of the road… yeah that’s totally subtle. Real smooth. Not weird and creepy at all.

Then Allison asks Lydia to stop because she wants to talk to Scott and they are both parked awkwardly in the middle of the road.

Allison: Why would they stop?
Lydia: It’s Stiles and Scott doe you really want to try applying logic to those two?

Lydia and Allison are looking back towards the Jeep so they don’t notice the thing hurtling towards their car until it smashed through the windshield. It’s a fucking deer. They just got hit by a deer while sitting in a stationary car… welcome to Beacon Hills. They scream but it’s okay because a deer ramming through the front of the car you’re sitting in is a scream worthy occasion.

Scott and Stiles jump out of the jeep to run to Allison and Lydia’s aid. They appear to be unharmed although I don’t know how they made it out of that without getting cut to pieces by the shattering window. Stiles runs to Lydia and Scott runs to Allison. Scott asks Allison if she’s okay and she insist she is but whatever because the best part is that Lydia is not okay and she is not going to be silent about it. Also Stiles is looking at her like she’s a bomb he needs to defused (also arousal).

Lydia is my fav part of this episode... no doubt about it.
Lydia’s freaking out because she saw the deer’s eyes and it was like it was crazy or something. Scott walks over to the dead animal and uses his wolf powers to work out that it wasn’t crazy it was terrified. Dun, dun, dun!

Isaac is being wheeling into the hospital when Melissa McCall (aka the only nurse in Beacon Hills) spots him. She rushes over because she’s very aware that a werewolf in a hospital is not a good idea. Isaac insists she goes to look after The Girl because he’s a gentleman like that.

The Girl is mumbling all kinds of nonsense to Melissa about how she has to find him and tell him. She has to find the Alpha but when Melissa asks what she wants with Derek (I can think of a couple of reasons to want Derek) The Girl says that it’s not Derek she wants. Melissa is out of earshot by the time she reveals that the Alpha she’s after is Scott McCall.

Meet the new and improved Scott McCall... just waiting to be broken.
Speaking of Scott McCall he is already up and going at 6.45am (seriously dude that’s not right unless you’ve been up all night). He’s doing one-armed pull-ups while reading Call of The Wild. This is the new and improved Scott McCall, a makeover of mind and body and damn he looks good in a tank top. He’s even got a word of the day. It’s ephemeral, which means lasting for a very short time. That reminds Scott of his failed tattoo and makes him sad.

The parent/child relationships on this show are so fantastic.
At the new Argent abode, Allison is sitting alone in her room looking pensive. She’s joined by Papa Argent who tells Allison she doesn’t have to go to school today, or this week, if she’s not ready but Allison already promised to pick Lydia up so she’s going to go even though she looks as though she really doesn’t want to. They hug and I am so excited for how far these two have come.

Stiles is researching – for something new and different – he looking up vehicle collisions involving deer. There are a lot of them. Papa Stinlinski is watching from the doorway looking at Stiles like he’s trying to figure out where the off switch is… he just wants Stiles to go to school.

Yup Sheriff - you are at least partially responsible for that.
Sheriff: I’m not gonna beg you.
Stiles: Yeah good I’m impervious to your influence anyway.
Sheriff: You consider a bribe?
Stiles: You couldn’t meet my price.
Sheriff: Extortion?
Stiles: You got nothing on me.

Papa Stilinski just shrugs and tries a different tactic, he starts dragging Stiles desk chair backwards. Stiles continues to type until his hands can no longer reach the keyboard and I’m pretty sure my mother has done something similar to me.

Lydia is putting on her warpaint I mean lipstick, and she’s looking good. She thinks so too. She spots a leather jacket and pulls it on over her cute dress. The camera spins around to reveal a random hottie naked in her bed. He thinks the Jacket looks good on her so she takes it off. He also wants to know if they can go on a real date but even though she doesn’t say it, the answer is a pretty heavy no.

Wait is this a positive portrayal of female sexuality... it can't be?
That’s when this moment gets really awesome because the naked hottie in Lydia’s bed loses all his confidence and gets all insecure before asking if they can still have sex. Clearly he doesn’t want to be the clingy guy. Lydia smiles and turns towards the bed… but instead of taking him up on his offer she completely ignores the naked hottie grabbing her purse and heading out the door.

Yours is totally sexier Scott.
Scott rides into school on his new motorbike. He seems pretty proud of it but it’s definitely seen better days, especially next to the two fancy new bikes he’s parked next to.

In the hallway Scott wants to go to Derek for help and Stiles doesn’t like going to Derek for help (probably because Derek has no been all that helpful in the past but maybe because he brings up latent feelings that Stiles doesn’t want to deal with – whichever, I’m cool with it). But Scott really wants a tattoo and Derek has one so surely there has to be a way to keep him from healing. 

Stiles thinks that Derek probably has other things to worry about and he points to a pair of matching missing posters for Boyd and Erica that are pinned to the school notice board.

Then they over hear the principal… he’s back and he’s very confused especially about the sword he found in his office, which is stupid because who wouldn’t want to find a sword in their office.

This is me when I see Hoechlin in those tight jeans.
Lydia standing by her locker with Allison checking out all the fresh meat, I mean freshmen. Allison is a little disturbed on account those are boys not men… they’re only fourteen but Lydia does not seem bothered. She’s only looking anyway. Allison explains to Lydia that it’s okay to be single so you can have time to work on yourself. Lydia tells Allison that she loves her (femslash squee) and that she can do the whole thing where Allison projects her problems on to her but the truth is Lydia doesn’t want a boyfriend… she wants distraction.

Speaking of distractions, that’s when the twins walk in. They’re all tight jeans and leather jackets, which makes them exactly the kind of distraction Lydia is looking for.  

Cut to The Girl jerking awake in the hospital like she’s having some kind of vision. I don’t actually know she’s having a vision but she’s displaying all the signs that TV tells me mean she’s having a vision and it works with her whole mysterious persona so I’m just going to go with it.

I respect Mama McCall too much to caption this... but I think you can guess where I was going.
In Isaac’s room, Melissa is checking out his wounds and it’s not good because they are already healing and he’s scheduled for surgery any minute now (that’s going to be awkward). Melissa can’t get onto Derek so Isaac tells her to call Scott. Isaac asks if Melissa can do anything but she’s just new to the whole werewolf thing and there’s a deputy standing guard outside his room so there’s really not much she can do. Gee it would be nice to have someone in law enforcement on their side don’t you think – I wonder who they could get?

The Sheriff is not coping... he needs the truth. 
Speak of the devil. Sheriff Stilinski grabs Melissa as soon as she’s outside Isaac’s room and tells her that he needs to speak to The Girl. Melissa says that’s impossible because she’s heavily sedated but we can see she’s managed to pull her drip out and she’s currently listening to their conversation.

In class Lydia takes the seat by the window forcing Allison to take the only table left, which happens to be the one in front of Scott. She asks if she’s all right to sit there and he just smiles his goofy smile and says it’s all her. Stiles gives Scott a sarcastic thumbs up and Scott takes it as encouragement.

At that moment the entire class gets a text message and in walks Ms Blake. Ms Blake is not like regular teachers she’s a cool teacher.  She reads the message they just sent them out loud, it’s the final lines of Heart of Darkness, which is the first book they will be studying. It’s also a reminder for them to turn off their phones, which is not good because Melissa is trying to call Scott.

I love you. Please marry me?
While Melissa is trying to call Scott a very guilty looking – and also very beautiful – woman walks past her.  She heads into Isaacs room and makes pleasant small talk a first but as soon as she’s administered the anesthetic all pretence is lost. She’s just here to make sure Isaac doesn’t get in the way again (when did he get in the way last time? I am so confused I don’t trust my brain anymore). Isaac looks down and see’s that she’s barefoot and she has long claws on her toes. Then she counts to three, her eyes go red and Isaac passes out. After Isaac passes out the alpha goes to find The Girl but she’s already escaped by handcuffing an unconscious deputy to the bed (seriously Sheriff fire these idiots).

In class Allison writes a note to Scott, she wants to talk but before he can respond he gets pulled out of class by the principal. As he’s leaving Ms Blake stops him to give him a warning. She knows about his poor attendance record and she doesn’t want him to fall back into bad patterns. And the lovably naïve Scott insists that this year’s going to be different. He even uses his word of the day. Oh hon.

There's that look again... concerned, confused and aroused all at the same time.
Back in the classroom Stiles notices a plaster on Lydia’s ankle – because apparently he’s in the habit of staring at Lydia’s ankles. It’s not from the accident, her dog Prada bit her – and it’s out of character. Stiles thinks the dog and the deer might be connected like when animal’s start acting weird before an earthquake… something’s coming, something bad.

Lydia asks Stiles about that thing he always says: once, twice…

A bird hits the window with a bag (three’s a pattern). The class looks outside. There’s something coming all right. It’s a flock of birds. Everyone just stares at the window until the birds start smashing through it and then panic erupts. Stiles jumps to protect Lydia of course and Ms Blake yells at everyone to get down shielding a couple of students behind her desk. It’s over almost as quickly as it began and they are left standing shocked surrounded by bits of bird.

At the hospital Scott is talking to his mom. She didn’t want to call him because he was doing to well and she didn’t want to disrupt his rhythm.

Scott: It’s not gonna stop. I’m gonna be better this year. A better student. A better son. A better friend. A better everything. I promise.

Scott, sweetheart, don’t make promises you can keep. Mama McCall tells Scott where Isaac is but she looks like she knows that Scott’s life is not going to go the way he wants it too and she wishes she could protect him from it. Me too Melissa, me too.

Yup. Scott's fucked.
The Girl is wandering the halls and no one seems worried that a patient, in a hospital gown, is wandering around like she’s a secret agent but I guess it’s pretty hard since Melissa is the only one that actually works there.

Just as the door to the elevator Scott is riding begins to close someone stops it. It’s a very dapper looking blind man. He asks Scott to press the button for floor 2, which Scott has already pressed… and it all seems like he’s being a bit obvious about the blindness. All is not as it seems.

This is weird right? It's not just me?
When they reach their floor, the dapper blind man asks Scott to help him out for a second and Scott being Scott can’t say no to a blind man. The dapper blind man places a hand of Scott’s shoulder leading him out of the elevator. Once in the hall way Scott’s head falls limp… I don’t know if that’s significant but at this stage I am just going to assume everything is significant so I don’t miss anything.

Isaac’s in the operating theatre about to be cut open except when they pull up the gauze hiding his injury there is nothing there. He’s completely healed. The surgeon is pissed, they are wasting his valuable time with this shit. He orders them to remove Isaac from his sight, which is convenient for the guy with wolf claws that pushes him out of the room.

Please remind me never to go to Beacon Hills memorial for medical care because clearly they are very incompetent if they are not weirded out by the fact that some guy that was about to have surgery was actually completely healed.  

The random wolf puts Isaac in a wheel chair for convenience and heads for the elevator. That’s where Scott spots him. The random wolf – who is probably an Alpha – smiles at Scott and presses the button on the elevator. Then it’s claws out and growling before Scott runs and jumps into the elevator as the doors close behind him.

Scott and the random wolf fight in the elevator, well actually it’s more like the random wolf beats up poor Scott. In fact he has him in a strangle hold and he’s about to do his epic evil monologue when he’s interrupted by the doors opening…

Yeah you are. You big bad alpha you!
Random Wolf: Don’t you release what you’re dealing with? I’m an Alpha.
Derek: So am I.

Derek stabs the guy in the back with his claws and throws him out of the elevator before turning back to Scott with his sexy Alpha look.

I wasn't pregnant when I started this recap... I'm not so sure anymore.
Derek: Aren’t you supposed to be in school?

It’s nice to know that no matter how much times passes Derek will always have that wonderful dry wit and a flair for dramatic entrances. Don’t ever change Derek… actually you can change a little, maybe work through some of those issues and stop lurking in the high school boys locker room but never stop making dramatic entrances.

Stiles you shouldn't look at people like they are something to be studied.
Meanwhile back at school the Sheriff is there to survey the damage and Ms Blake does not seem to be doing that well.  Stiles tries to be the sensitive guy but he’s just not very good at it so he pulls a bit of bird out of her hair instead.

Well this is awkward... wouldn't it be easier if the Sheriff knew what was going on?
Allison and Chris are talking – she knows it can’t be a coincidence – they’re conversation is interrupted by the Sheriff who is wondering if Chris might be able to shed some light on what’s been happening with the animals of Beacon Hills. Chris is like what, why would you think I would know anything? And the Sheriff is really confused, he could have sworn her heard Stiles discussing the fact that Chris was an experienced hunter… well not anymore.

Meanwhile Scott and Derek carry Isaac into the Hale house. Scott is worried that Derek still lives there (we were promised a loft dammit with furniture… and a bed) but Derek says that county took the property there’s just something he needs here. Something to help Isaac heal… if you thought he was healed, you were wrong, he’s still broken on the inside (damn I’m deep). Derek pulls a suspiciously wolf’s bane looking flower out from under the floorboards.

Scott is staring at Derek's butt. Scott and I are one.
Derek seems to be waiting for Scott to leave but Scott’s not going to let him get out of another one of their awesome conversations. He wants to know what the big bad is. Derek is grateful that Scott helped but insists that it’s not Scott’s problem and suggests that Scott go back to being a teenager. But Derek makes the mistake of saying he owes Scott and Scott wants to take him up on that offer. Also Stiles calls and voices a formal protest at the idea of having to go to Derek’s… but goes anyway.

Lydia and Allison are discussing the escalating freak show that is the town of Beacon Hills.

Lydia: Is it just me or is Beacon Hills turning into more like beacon for the totally bazaar and supernatural.

When they are accosted by The Girl who desperately wants to know where Scott is. She’s got knowledge because she knows who Allison is and she knows that wherever Allison is Scott can’t be far away. The Girl grabs Allison’s wrist, which sends Lydia into protective mode (awesome) so then she grabs Lydia’s wrist as well (this seems to put them in a trance like state). Then she spots the Alpha twins and disappears leaving Allison and Lydia with matching bruises on their arms.

Papa Argent approaches and tells Allison and Lydia they should probably take the rest of the day off. Before leaving he takes Allison aside and reminds her that they had a deal. They can stay in Beacon Hills as long as they stay out of it. It’s not their problem anymore… but it’s pretty clear that Allison is not at all interested in staying out of it and I’m just really sad that this awesome relationship is totally going to break down again.

I'm going to ignore the dead animals and pretend their talking about a fishing trip. Okay?
The Sheriff is at the animal clinic because the animals of Beacon Hills have gone crazy. Deaton’s like actually I was thinking about to calling you because all the animals that people pay me to care for just killed themselves and I’m pretty sure that’s not a good thing.

Please don't stop.
Close up – Derek Alpha eyes (sorry what) he’s looking at Scott’s tattoo he can see it under the skin. Before they get down to business Derek has a few routine question’s he’d like to ask before the tattooing commences... also did we fix Isaac? Like what does the tattoo mean and why does Scott want to get it?

Scott: Do you know what the word tattoo means?
Stiles: To mark something.

... but think of the porn.
And then Stiles winks at Derek and I literally said out loud, “Are you fucking serious Jeff?” Because Stiles just talked about marking and then winked at Derek. That’s a thing that happened and I don’t even know whether to laugh or cry… probably cry because clearly I spend way too much time reading fan fiction.

Anyway Scott’s actually talking about what it means is Samoan… it means open wound. He’s always wanted a tattoo and he decided to get it now because he made it though the summer without calling or texting Allison even though he really really wanted too (that’s a pretty big thing for Scott and you know it). Apparently this is a good enough reason for Derek so he pulls out a blow torch and warns Scott that this is going to be the worst pain he’s ever felt. (Let’s not think about the idea of Derek burning the tattoo into his back to remember his family who burnt to death because I’m not emotionally prepared to contemplate that yet).

It doesn't seem worth it to me.
Stiles takes one look at the blow torch and decides he better wait outside but Derek grabs him and tells him that he needs to hold Scott down. All in all I would say that getting werewolf tattoo is not a pleasant experience and I would not recommend but when Scott wakes up (I assume he passed out from the pain) he seems pleased with the result. Stiles still thinks the whole thing is a little permanent but then Scott uses his word of the day again and Stiles is just proud.

Now that's a badass lady.
Back at the high school The Girl is preparing for a fight so naturally she heads to the locker room (she’s got good instincts that girl) and makes herself a weapon out a broom. She’s soon joined by all five members of the Alpha pack. She puts up a good fight – especially against the clearly incompetent men of the group but The Girl is eventually taken down by Kali’s deadly toes.

On their way out of Derek’s place (or should I say the county’s place) Scott and Stiles notice that the front door has been painted, but only on one side. Derek tells them to go home and he looks like he really means it. When Scott ignore his request and starts pealing the paint of the door with his claws Derek looks utterly broken… and not just because Scott is ruining his awesome paint job. Soon Scott uncovers the Alpha symbol and Derek has no choice but to tell him.

That is the face of a man that has accepted his inevitable failure. 
There’s a pack of Alpha in Beacon Hills, they took Boyd and Erica and they have a kind-of leader called Deucalion. Derek, Isaac and Peter have been searching all summer. Then Scott asks a very reasonable question… when Derek finds them, how exactly does he plan to defeat a pact of Alphas? Derek looks at him pointedly and says, with all the help he can get. Stiles sighs, he’s clearly not keen on that idea but he knows that if there are people in danger there will be no preventing Scott from getting involved.

I know you're hurt Isaac and I don't want to be creepy but that's a nice shoulder you have there.
At that moment Isaac sits up and starts asking about The Girl… Derek’s confused. What girl?

The Girl that is now slumped against the lockers, bloody and beaten. Deucalion wipes the blood off his hands and moves towards her. It’s the dapper blind man from the hospital. He bends down and strokes The Girl’s face commenting on how beautiful and defiant she is. She says that’s because she knows something. She knows he’s afraid him. Deucalion insists that he is not afraid of a teenage boy (said every villain ever – if it weren’t for those meddling kids). The Girl says that he’s afraid of what he will become and I groaned. Please don’t tell me that Scott is now the hero is some kind of prophecy quest where only he can defeat Voldemort Deucalion.

She's in the reflection of his glasses... that's fucking cool.
Deucalion is aware of the potential threat but someone (cough Gerard cough) once told him that the best way to eliminate a threat is to get someone else to do it for him… he’s going to get Derek to kill Scott, which I would like to point out is the stupidest plan ever. Derek is like Scott’s biggest fan, he would sooner rip out his own heart than kill Scott. Stupid Deucalion. Then he kills The Girl and that’s not really very nice.

True BFF's get matching bruises.
Lydia is helping Allison paint her new room. Lydia wants pink and Allison wants blue (who wants to bet that they end up painting it pink – it’s just best to give Lydia what she wants). They accidently hold their bruised arms together revealing a symbol.

So many questions in one little hand?
That same symbol is painted on the ground of a dark room. A lone figure sits in the corner. The camera pans closer and it seems the figure is Boyd. His hands are shaking. A female hand (could be Erica or newbie Cora) reaches across placing her hand on top of Boyd’s to calm him.

To be continued…