Saturday, June 1, 2013

Recapturing Teen Wolf: Only Fifty Percent Evil

Previously on Teen Wolf… The thing that’s hunting them is called a Kanima. Lydia is immune, Matt is stalking Allison and the Kanima knew Stiles.

Oh locker room you know me so well.
Locker room – you know it’s a good episode when it starts in the locker room – and it’s at night and Jackson is working out with Danny and are we sure this show is not a porn? Jackson’s trying to lift too much; Danny thinks he’s being an idiot. Danny’s not going to help Jackson die, but if he kills himself Danny’s taking the Porsche.

Danny’s in the shower and Jackson’s super hearing is kicking in. He figures that means the super strength will be right around the corner so he tries to lift the weight again. He’s struggling, a hand reaches down and lifts the weight off him. Jackson says thanks I guess he thinks its Danny but it’s not Danny, it’s Erica.

Erica and Isaac drag Jackson into Derek’s lair where Derek is sitting casually waiting for someone to torture. He’s got some questions for Jackson. He wants to know what happened on the night of the full moon. Jackson insists that nothing happened and he knows that nothing happened because he taped himself. Isaac thinks that’s hilarious.

Jackson: Maybe whole you were crying in the corner having an existential crisis about turning into a monster I was preparing for the so-called gift your big bad alpha promised me.

Derek doesn’t really care about Jackson’s video proof he has another plan. You see a snake can’t be poisoned by his own venom and Derek just happens to have some of the Kanima’s venom from the night of the pool. Derek drops some of the poison in Jackson’s mouth and Jackson falls to the ground paralyzed. Derek is so disappointed, he was so sure it was Jackson.

Derek: You’re still a snake Jackson, just not the one we’re looking for.

Before they leave, Isaac has one more favour to ask Jackson…

The Sheriff is 110 percent done with Jackson – who is sitting across from him recanting his statement that he saw Isaac fighting with his father. He’s pretty sure it didn’t happen.

I feel you Sheriff... actually can I feel you?
Sheriff: Not exactly or no? Because when it comes to law there’s a fairly large divide between not exactly and no. Like if not exactly were sitting in this chair no would be somewhere in the Pacific Ocean drowning next to my career.

Poor Sheriff, his life has been turned upside down just as much as all the kids but he doesn’t have all the facts with makes it that much worse.

I know you're supposed to be evil but all I see is cheekbones.
Stiles runs into class, he has terrible news. Scott already knows because sitting right in front of them is a very smug looking Isaac.

After class Scott and Stiles are talking. Stiles has been doing what he does best, researching. The only thing he’s found online is something about a werejaguar from South America that goes after murderers. Well the Kanima isn’t really a jaguar and Stiles is not exactly a murderer… so it’s not very helpful.

Scott: You did see it kill somebody, which is probably why it tried to kill you and is still trying to kill you and it probably won’t stop until you’re dead.

Stiles is question his choice in friends because that’s not exactly reassuring Scott.

Meanwhile Danny is telling Jackson that he’s found a program that can recover his video. Once Danny leaves Jackson’s super hearing kicks in once again and he over hears Erica and Isaac talk about testing then killing Lydia.

In class Jackson approaches testicle one and two (aka Scott and Stiles), they’re not interested in listening to whatever Jackson has to say until he asks them what a Kanima is. Derek tested him he was paralyzed from the neck down do you have any idea what that feels like? Stiles is familiar with the sensation.

Coach Cupcake interrupts their conversation to remind them that tomorrow’s midterm is so hard he probably wouldn’t be able to pass it. He’s looking at you Scott.

Scott ignores Coach Cupcake’s warning he’s got more important things to worry about like the fact that Derek thinks Lydia is the Kanima… especially considering he’s not entirely sure Lydia’s not the Kanima.

Scott: How do we know it’s not her?
Stiles: Because I looking into the eyes of that thing and what I saw was pure evil. When I looking into Lydia’s eyes I only see 50% evil… all right maybe 60, but no more than 40 on a good day.
Scott: Stiles that’s not a very good argument.

He knows that, but he’s still sure it’s not her… and Stiles unwavering loyalty is brought to the forefront. I know that I always go on about the fact that Stiles doesn’t have Scott’s heroic tendencies but if he loves someone then he loves them to a fault. Seriously he’s the guy you call to help bury a body because if he loves you he would do it no questions asked. Besides, Lydia’s fine.

Peter "bad touch" Hale
Except Lydia’s not fine. She’s hallucinating. She’s hallucinating Peter Hale, in the classroom, attacking her… in kind of a sexy way. A totally non-consensual sexy way. Peter pushes Lydia up against the wall and leans in. Lydia is crying because well this is a situation that calls for crying. Peter doesn’t say anything he just blows some white powder into her face.

I think she's trying to say something... I wonder what it could be.
Lydia wakes up she’s standing at the front of the class everyone is starring at her. She’s written a message on the board. It’s not in English, but it is. It’s just backwards. It says: “Please Help Me” and if that’s not a cry for help then I don’t know what is.

Okay well, that’s not looking good for Lydia but Derek’s not going to kill her until he has proof (because even though he goes about it the wrong way he is trying to do the right thing). Scott and Stiles are wondering when he’s going to test them when the wolf twins – Isaac and Erica walk into their chemistry class where Lydia sits unaware that her life is in danger.

Scott and Stiles race to sit on either side of Lydia, she’s unimpressed by this. Mr Harris puts a spanner in the works though (because that’s what he does) when he says that they’re going to have a group round on account of the infinite stupidity he has encountered. He tells Erica to take the first station and basically every single guy (and some girls) throw their hands in the air to volunteer.

My fav is the girl in the back corner - she's not ashamed to be thinking with her lady parts.
Unfortunately for all the hormonal teens Scott gets Erica first and Allison is not happy about this. Scott tries reasoning with her but Erica just wants to flirt and talk about the fact that she can smell Allison all over him. Scott tells Erica she’s not his type and Erica says she’s exactly his type flashing her amber wolf eyes.

Lydia cocks her eyebrow as she watches Erica rub her hand up Scott’s thigh. She’s questions Allison’s lack of jealousy because that is something that requires jealousy. No time for jealously though, it’s time to switch. Before leaving Allison tells Lydia not to talk to Erica or Isaac but she won’t say why so Lydia’s not convinced.

Scott takes the seat next to Lydia and Stiles sits down next to Isaac who’s wearing his customary smirk.

Stiles: If you harm one perfect strawberry blond hair on her head I’m gonna turn your little werewolf ass into a coat and give it to her as a birthday present.

And I don’t doubt he’s willing to that – he’s a malicious and slight creepy asshole under his quirky exterior. Isaac tells heart felt story about the time in freshman year when he tried to ask Lydia out and laughed and told him to come back when the bike he was riding had an engine instead of a chain. Dude you’re complaining to the wrong guy, Stiles would kill for a reaction like that because Lydia just ignores him.

Stiles: Unrequited love’s a bitch, maybe you should write about it in English class you know channel all that negative energy.
Isaac: Nah I was thinking I’d channel it into killing her. I’m not very good at writing.

Stiles is shocked, it’s pretty clear he didn’t really think they would kill Lydia. He was just playing at war but shit just got real. There’s no time to react though because it’s time to switch.

Isaac sits down next to Lydia and Stiles tries to get up but Mr red herring Harris stops him. They can do nothing but watch, which is all very good but Scott should probably be paying attention to what’s happening at Erica’s table.

If they were dudes you would be shipping them right now.
Erica tells Allison that she thinks her and Scott are cute together, but she’s always thought she was a little psychic and she just has a feeling they’re going to break up. Allison tells Erica that her intimidation tactics, like running her hand up Scott’s thigh, don’t scare her. Erica asks if Allison would prefer it was her thigh. Her claws come out as she places her hand on Allison’s thigh.

Mr Harris calls time and tells the class that they should have a crystal in front of them… the only one that’s actually done the experiment correctly is Lydia. Mr Harris informs them that they can eat the crystal. Scott realizes what’s happening as Lydia puts the crystal to her mouth. It’s been covered in the Kanima venom. Everyone watches as Lydia takes a bite and nothing happens. Well shit.

Lydia's expresses exactly how I feel at all times. 
Scott’s looks out the window – Derek is lurking at the edge of the car park looking menacing. This is not good.

Scott, Allison and Stiles hide in a sports closet to figure what their next move should be because they can’t let them kill Lydia. Stiles insists that it’s not her, he just knows. Scott looks at him like he’s in denial but I really think everyone should listen to Stiles because he has a very good track record with figuring things out. Allison says it doesn’t matter because Derek thinks it’s her. Maybe they can convince him not to kill her… if they could prove it wasn’t her. Allison thinks there might be something in the bestiary. Stiles like yeah the 900 page book written in Archaic Latin that none of them can read… good luck with that. But actually that gives Allison an idea, she might know someone that can translate it.

And I am just going to point out again that I need all of the Stiles and Allison interaction because it is amazing. They just work so well together. No nonsense just business and it is great.

Two seasons of everyone underestimating Allison.
So Scott’s going tot talk to Derek and he tells Allison that if it doesn’t work out then they have to let him handle it. Allison’s like hold up? Scott just doesn’t want her getting hurt. In response Allison pulls a portable crossbow out of her bag and Stiles is in the background like she’s got a point dude. Then the romantic music starts and Allison figures out that there’s something else that has Scott worrying. She asks Scott if there is something else and this would be the perfect moment to tell her the truth about her grandfather, which would prevent a whole bunch of bad shit from happening but he doesn’t he just tells Allison to call him if anything happens. And that might be the final nail in the coffin of this relationship. 

This screen cap explains why I need them to hang out more.
As Scott is walking out the door there is the sound of an arrow being released from a crossbow Scott turns around just in time to catch the arrow before it buries itself in his skull. Cut to Stiles holding the crossbow eyes wide with shock and Allison rolling her eyes in front of him. Yeah Stiles is not allowed the weapons okay.

In the councilors office Ms Morrell is giving Lydia the Rorschach test and she’s replying every time with butterfly even after she gets a flash of burnt Peter Hale she still sticks with butterfly. Ms Morrell is not impressed. But Lydia insists she’s as honest and open as a person can be.

Actual Disney Prince Danny Manhealani
In the library Matt joins Danny and Jackson and asks if there is anyone that could get into Jackson’s house. He doesn’t mean break in he means like has a key or something. Danny could have done it, Matt could have done it heck they could have done it together. Danny blushes like a twelve-year-old reading a romance novel.

Sometimes Jackson's face is my face.
After Matt leaves Jackson raising his eyebrow questioning Danny’s crush. Danny’s like it’s nothing besides he’s completely obsessed with Allison – Jackson looks like he can’t understand why anyone would choose Allison over Danny. Anyway back to the question at hand. Is there anyone that can get into Jackson’s house?

Pretty much sums up their relationship right there.
Lydia walks though the door, Stiles following behind her. He keeps trying to touch her and she keeps brush him off (not cool Stiles – I want to root for you but you’re doing it wrong). The best part is when another random guy deigns to check Lydia out and Stiles gives him the filthiest stare ever.

Allison is asking Ms Morrell to translate the page of the bestiary that is about the Kanima. She seems confused but she gives it a shot even though Allison is not being at all subtle about her desperation to have the pages translated. The Kanima, like the wolf is a social creature but instead of the pack it seeks friend.

On the lacrosse field Boyd is waiting for Scott. Scott wants to talk to Derek, he doesn’t want to fight Boyd. Boyd says that’s good because he’s twice the size of Scott. Scott’s like that’s true, very true, but he’s faster. Scott takes him down easily and Derek turns up.

Derek cuts to the chase and tells Scott that he has to kill Lydia because she failed the test. Scott insists that Lydia is different.

Derek: I know at night she turns into a homicidal walking snake.

Scott tells Derek that he’s not going to let him kill her and Derek smiles like he does and informs Scott that he’s not the one that’s going to be doing the killing.

Isaac and Erica strut through the empty halls of Beacon Hills high claws out and excitement in their eyes. They’re off to kill Lydia.

Back on the lacrosse field Scott tries to leave and Boyd knocks him to the ground. Derek tells Scott that he doesn’t understand why Scott feels the need to protect everyone but it doesn’t matter the point is that Lydia has killed people and she will kill again. And then we realize that Scott and Derek are essentially the same. They both feel the need to protect everyone around them – they both have that hero complex happening. It’s just that history and circumstance mean that they have different ideas about how best to protect.

Derek tells Scott that he doesn’t understand (maybe he would if you explained it to him Derek) Lydia was bitten by an Alpha. It happens rarely and it happens for a reason.

You two are idiots. 
Derek: Sometimes the shape you take reflects the person that you are. 

Derek holds out his hand to Scott, who takes it and helps Scott up off the ground. To his credit Derek genuinely looks like he feels bad about what he has to do but even Stiles calls Lydia cold-blooded (okay when did you and Stiles have a convo about Lydia and why didn’t we get to see it?). Derek insists that no one is immune. Scott’s like, what about Jackson?

Back in the library Matt and Danny are still trying to restore the video and Matt is looking through his photos when he notices that every time he tries to take a picture of Scott the camera flairs.

Scott seriously mad at Derek for biting Jackson and you can tell that Derek is pretty mad at himself for the same thing. Scott has an idea, Lydia’s immune and she passed it on to Jackson (apparently immunity is a sexually transmitted infection). Scott tells Derek that he can’t do this and Derek says that he can’t let her live, and honestly he’s got a point. Sometimes being the hero means making the hard choices. Scott’s was hoping to convince Derek but he wasn’t counting on it.

Erica and Isaac walk into the library but Lydia’s not there. Stiles, Allison and Jackson lead Lydia out of the school under the pretense that they have a study group. She’s not convinced and she manages to shoot down all of Stiles explications while throwing off all his attempts to touch her. Jackson just grabs her and tells her to shut up and move.

Coach Cupcake grabs Scott as he tries to leave. He needs an explanation he found some lacrosse pads shredded. Scott has responsibilities as co-captain that includes making sure his team looks after their equipment. Scott looks at the name on the pads, their Danny’s.

Coach Cupcake: Why don’t you tell your buddy Danny to take care of his equipment or I’m gonna make you take care of Danny’s equipment for him. Now do you really want to taking care of Danny’s equipment all the time?
Scott: That depends are we still talking about lacrosse pads.

Seriously though the amount everyone goes on about the homoerotic subtext in this show I just don’t understand why everyone is not shipping Scott and Danny. Come on guys… the porn just writes itself. I am very disappointed in you fandom.

At Scotts house, Stiles manhandles Lydia out of the Jeep and into the house. She looks really uncomfortable and very confused especially after Stiles deadbolts the door. He’s like there’s been a break in… and a murder. Jackson is about 100% done with this but he takes Allison’s signal and tells Lydia he needs to talk to her leading her out of the room.

Back at school Scott is in a hurry when Matt stops him and snaps a photo to prove that there is something wrong with Scott’s eyes and not his camera.

Jackson has Lydia alone in Scotts room, she looks kind of hopeful until Jackass sorry I mean Jackson asks Lydia for the key to his house back. Lydia’s like are you serious with me right now?

Lydia: Are you kidding? I’m attacked by some lunatic who bites me. A lunatic who by the way still hasn’t been caught. I spent two days freaked out of my mind walking around the woods naked. All my friends are acting like total nutcases and you expect me to be worried about some stupid key?

Jackson ignore pretty much everything she said and asks again if she has the key. She says no but Jackson uses his new wolf powers to see that’s she’s lying and he’s pissed about it.

Back at the library Scott confronts Danny but learns quickly that it wasn’t him. He was playing goal, someone else was using his pads. He gets a phone call, it’s Allison telling him to get there asap.

On Mondays we wear leather.
Outside Scott’s house the wolf pack – Derek, Issac, Erica and Boyd – are standing and looking menacing in their leather.

Scott tells Danny he has to go and Danny’s too distracted by his torn pads to notice that he video has finished restoring. Jackson sits up in bed and turns to face the camera.

Zombie apocalypse AU with Allison and Stiles as soul survivors.
Stiles and Allison are watching Derek and the rest of the pack through the curtains. Waiting. Allison takes out her phone, it’s time to call her dad even though it will mean the end of her relationship with Scott… but she holds off for a little longer while Stiles tries to formulate a plan. And did I mention how much I love it when these two interact? Stiles and Allison both understand about sacrifice in a way that Scott is just unwilling to accept. They could make the hard choice. Also if the zombie apocalypse happened I would put my money on Stiles and Allison as the survivors. 

Stop making Lydia cry dammit! 
Upstairs Jackson is still yelling at Lydia about his key and now he’s convinced that she’s the one that broke into his house and edited the video. He doesn’t know why, maybe it was because she wanted to take his moment like she takes everything… or maybe she thought she was protecting him. Lydia’s crying now. She turns to face Jackson and pulls a chain off her neck. Attached to the end is a key. She doesn’t know what he’s talking about but if he needs the key so bad he can have it. She places the key in Jackson’s hand and he stars at her in awe.

Lydia: I hate you, I hate you so much.
Jackson: No. No you don’t.
Lydia: I should, I should hate you.

Jackson wipes a tear from Lydia’s cheek and leans in to kiss her. It’s sweet and it’s the first moment where I actually get Lydia and Jackson. Scott and Allison’s story is lovely but that kind of love at first sight Romeo and Juliet romance is not something I can relate to. The relationship between Lydia and Jackson, I understand. It’s simple and unhealthy and stupid and clearly once they grow out of their hormones it will never actually work but that’s what teenage relationships are like.

While they’re kissing Lydia grabs the back of Jackson’s neck pulling down his jacket and revealing the beginnings of scaley skin underneath… Jackson is the Kanima.

Downstairs Stiles are Allison are trying to formulate a plan. They told Scott they could protect themselves and this is when they need to prove it. Stiles tells Allison to shoot one of them, Allison asks which one and Stiles says shoot Derek, preferably in the head. Allison says that if Scott can catch an arrow then Derek definitely can. He’s like fine shoot one of the other three. Except there are only two. Where’s Isaac?  He’s behind them.

Upstairs Lydia and Jackson are making out Lydia hears noises from downstairs. She goes to investigate (I thought you were better than that Lydia). As soon as she leaves the room Jackson starts to shift.

Lydia meets Allison in the hallway. Allison says that someone is trying to break in and tells Lydia to run and hide. Lydia runs back into Scott’s room but Jackson is already gone so she hides in the closet and calls 911… okay you’ve redeemed yourself a little Lydia.

Allison enters Scott’s room and bolts the door shut behind her. She then notices the open window with Kanima venom dripping rom it. She calls to Stiles telling him that it’s here.

Erica burst through the door and smiles when she sees Allison. She then goes on about how she’s always wanted to steel someone’s boyfriend and how she thinks she’s going to try with Scott. Allison shoots and Erica catches the arrow. Erica’s like you didn’t think that would work did you? And Allison’s like, yeah she did. She coated the arrow with Kanima venom. Erica falls to the ground paralyzed.

Urgh, so problematic but so sexy.
Allison straddles Erica’s limp form, pulls back her hair and whispers in her ear: “I thought you said you were psychic”.

Outside Derek looks pleased by the amount of violence happening inside until the door opens and Scott throws out his two paralyzed betas. Scott, Allison and Stiles walk out onto the porch… it’s the hero shot.

Hero shot! 
Derek: I think I’m finally getting why you keep refusing me Scott. You’re not an omega. You’re already and alpha of your own pack. 

Derek tells Scott that he can’t beat him, Scott’s like probably but he can hold him off until the cops get there. Cue police sirens and Derek’s getting nervous but that might be because he’s looked up and the Kanima is on Scott’s roof. Scott, Allison and Stiles step backwards to watch as the Kanima runs away. Lydia comes running out of the house and there’s the proof that she’s not the Kanima and Scott’s figured it out. It’s Jackson.

Supernatural high five! 
On a street a car with a significant number plate sits idle. The Kanima approaches. The person driving is wearing gloves he holds his hand up to the window to give the Kanima a kind of weird high five. The Kanima runs off leaving us wondering what the fuck just happened.

To be continued.