Thursday, September 20, 2012

Guilty Pleasures: Taking a bite out of Bait

So let’s add another layer to the already hefty set of contradictions that make up my tastes because not only do I love trash romances, wedding shows and pop music, I also love shark attack movies. I’m not just talking about Jaws either, because as awesome as that movie is, and it’s pretty awesome, I prefer Jaws II because of that one time the shark attacked a helicopter… and won.

No, the shark-attack movies I love are hardly going to be included in the cinematic canon but let’s face it that’s not the point. I don’t watch shark-attack movies because I want to see interesting character and coherent plot. I watch these movies because I want to see a shark attacking a helicopter. Also lots of gore and gratuitous nudity please.

The thing is why I mention this silly obsession to people who know me outside of the Internet (it happens) they just kind of laugh at me because I guess I don’t really look like someone who would like shark attack movies. If you’re wondering what I look like a friend of mine described me as a cabbage patch kid – which is something every girl dreams of hearing. So while it might be cool for those indie boys to enjoy the kind of mindless violence, for a girl like me it definitely counts as a guilty pleasure.

Anyway the reason for this confession is that last night I went to see the lasted shark-attack offering – Bait. It’s about a group of people that get trapped inside a supermarket with two great white sharks… as you can imagine hilarity ensues. But what, how did the sharks get in there in the first place you ask – well there was a giant tsunami! That’s right this movie has been combined with my other fav the disaster movie. And it’s in 3D. SHARKS IN 3D!

I can’t tell you how long I have been waiting for this movie; I mean people have been talking about the sharks in a supermarket movie for ages (the premise is almost as good as Deep Blue Sea’s SUPER SMART SHARKS). At first I thought there is no way anything that cool will actually exist but then it went into production and squeed myself into a coma. It took forever to actually be released so by the time it came out I had pretty much reached the point where there is no way that it could live up to my expectations.

Yet somehow it did. When it began, and it was all emotional drama like I thought, “do not want” but then five mins later a giant great white shark breaches the water and snaps a guy and his surf bored in half. That’s when I knew I was in love. OK so maybe there was a little too much plot at times – and not enough of them got eaten but all in all it was pretty fine effort. I spent most of the movie either laughing my tits off or jumping out of seat.

Of course, if you’re not like me and you don’t like shark attack movies then perhaps this movies isn’t for you because like I said there isn’t really that much plot, the acting is dodgy and the dialogue is shocking. Also the romance is soooo bad, it just made me really awkward. If you’re looking for any of those things then you should go and see The Sapphires. But if you are looking for trashy gore and cheep thrills then this is the movie for you. I don’t want to spoil anything for you but there is a chance that someone gets hung from a hook and used as shark BAIT (they said it, they said the thing).

To end this post I just want to say that I don’t hate sharks… I actually love sharks, a lot of the time when I watch these movies I am actually rooting for the sharks. In fact I want to protect sharks from stupid people who think that they should die because someone happened upon their feeding ground and got bit.

In conclusion, people suck; sharks are awesome.

Check back soon for more guilty pleasures.