Thursday, May 2, 2013

Recapturing Teen Wolf: Because I Love You

Previously on Teen Wolf… Derek tried to kill Jackson and the Sheriff is confused about the murders. Scott got shot, Derek got caught and Kate told Allison about werewolves.

Allison drives through the rain remembering everything that happened with creepy aunt Kate. There was shirtless Derek, but it’s less sexy because he’s being electrocuted (or maybe it’s more sexy… don’t judge me). Kate gives Allison basics about werewolves using Derek as a prop. Allison is concerned that Kate isn’t taking the whole torturing thins seriously enough.

Kate: Sweetheart there are werewolves running around in the world. Everything is a joke to me. How else to you think I stay sane?

You don’t stay sane Kate… you’re the opposite of sane. This whole torturing innocent people thing, that’s not exactly sane behavior. But you know, I’m not really going to argue with you because you scare the crap out of me. You keep doing what you’re doing.

Kate tells Allison that her mother and father weren’t planning on telling her about the family secret because they didn’t think she could handle it. Kate knows better, Allison wants to feel powerful and this is how you do it (by murdering, good advice Kate). Kate wants Allison’s help to catch the second beta… which is awkward because that’s Scott.

Allison is driving like a maniac because she’s clearly upset when sirens blast and she’s pulled over by none other than everyone favourite friendly neighbourhood Sheriff. Allison starts crying, the Sheriff looks like he's 15 and someone asked him to do a speech in front of the whole school in his underwear. He doesn’t know how to deal with a crying girl apparently. He tries to reassure her, it’s not like she was driving that fast only 75 in a 25 in a construction zone. Allison demands the Sheriff write her a ticket because she doesn’t want to be that girl. Her face shifts from tears to determination. She is not going to be that girl.

I am becoming increasingly convinced that Teen Wolf is actually Allison's Superhero origin story.

Cue Allison’s Superhero preparation montage. She pulls on her gloves and picks up her bow and then shoots a bunch of arrows into Derek’s wanted poster. She feels powerful now.

Title Card.

At the Animal Clinic Scott’s finally awake. He’s just about to question Deaton when someone comes through the front door. Scott gestures that it’s not safe but Deaton tells him to wait.

It’s Peter. He’s here to pick up. Deaton and Peter have an incredibly snarky and also incredibly cryptic conversation which ends when Peter tries to open the gate something stops him… mountain ash (remember that it’s kind of important later). This upsets Peter a little bit so he throws a chair at the wall next to Deaton but the vet doesn’t even blink as shards of wood shoot in his direction.

Peter gives up but first he tells Scott that if he’s not willing to help there are others that might. Scott automatically thinks Allison but I’m not so sure that’s what Peter’s thinking. Seriously Scott is there anyone else that you care about that would be useful to Peter… think about it.

Scott frantically searches his room for his phone, he can’t afford to by a new one. Plus he needs it to find Derek because he can’t do this alone.

Stiles: A, you’re not alone you have me, and B, didn’t you say Derek walked into gunfire. He sounds pretty dead.

With that attitude he will be dead Stiles. Now I know Derek doesn’t make a great first impression but he literally has no one else also he’s pretty so you should probably help Scott save him. Oh and apparently Scott needs Derek so that he can protect Allison (but that's only because he's busy saving everyone else).

Stiles: You probably lost it when you two were fighting. When he was trying to kill you, after you interrupted him trying to kill Jackson. Are you starting to see a pattern of violent behavior yet?

He has a point but Scott, like the fandom, is convinced that Derek wasn’t actually going to kill anyone. I’m not sure though, Jackson is pretty fricken annoying. I don’t think there are many people that would hesitate in killing him if they had the option.

Scott: I’m not letting him die.
Stiles: Could you at least think about letting him die… for me?

Not cool Peter, not cool. Making Mama McCall cry is really very not cool. 

Scott stops when he hears his mother’s car pull into the drive. She’s on the phone, calling Peter. She’s leaving a message. She wants another date and she’s really nervous. Now she’s crying and Scott’s heartbroken. Stiles is like you can’t protect everyone and Scott’s like he has to… because he’s the hero.

Meanwhile back in the torture dungeon Kate and Derek are having a little chat. She wants to know who the Alpha is and she can’t understand why Derek is protecting the person that killed his sister. She goes through Derek’s wallet and pulls out his ID holding it up and calling him sourface.

Derek: Are you going to torture me or are you just going to talk me to death?

Damn Derek that is some nice sassing and under pressure too. Kate tells him to relax she just wants to catch up, reminisce about the good times. Like that time she burnt his family alive oh and all the crazy sex they had.


I am literally going to vomit.

Kate seduced Derek to get the information she used to trap his family and burn the house down around them. Awesome. No wonder he forgave Peter so easily, he thinks it's all his fault. This scene is just so awful to watch. Derek looks so broken and when Kate licks him it makes feel really bad for thinking that he looks really hot tied up like that. I am a terrible person, I’ve come to terms with it.

Stalking is cool now.

At the Argent abode, Allison is sleeping as Scott sits on the roof outside her window watching, waiting, and falling asleep and tumbling off the roof. It’s pretty funny, especially the well timed “ow” at the end.

Stop! Locker room time! Coach Cupcake is telling Scott that he can’t go to the formal because he’s failing three classes. They wanted to cut him from the team but Coach Cupcake would rather cut of his last remaining testicle than his best player… and that’s far more information than I ever needed. Scott offers to quit the team in exchange for being able to go to the dance but Coach Cupcake just laughs at him.

Scott goes to ask Jackson to take Allison to the formal because he can’t be there to protect her. Jackson tells Scott and Stiles to go screw each other. Scott figures this is a reasonable request considering he got shot for Jackson. Jackson asks him to show the bullet wound but it’s healed… convenient.  Scott tries to appeal to Jackson’s good nature, surely he likes Allison, it’s impossible not to like her. Unfortunately Jackson likes himself more than Allison so he’s not keen on putting himself in danger.

Stiles has an fantastic I told you so face... you know what, all Stiles faces are fantastic.

Stiles: Well I shouldn’t say I told you so because it’s not strong enough. How about? I’m always right and you should listen to whatever I have to say and never disagree for the sake of your wolvlihood.

But Scott’s not done. He resorts to force and a very frightened Jackson heads straight to find Allison and confirm their date. He’s all sweaty and nervous, it’s really not sexy.

Scott tells Stiles that he’s going to ride his bike to dance he’s not even allowed to go to without a date, a suit of a way in with werewolves and werewolf hunters all out to his little werewolf ass… and Stiles is going to help him because that’s what bros do (ugh these two: best bromance ever).

Lydia and Allison are out shopping. Lydia’s going to buy her a dress as an apology for making out with Scott but that’s not enough. Lydia is also going to ditch whatever jock she planned to go with and take Stiles instead. Stiles who is apparently tasting perfume… smooth Stiles, smooth.

A date with Stile is apparently the worst punishment Allison could think of.

Lydia seems quite happy to use Stiles as her own personal pack mule though. She throws dress after dress into his arms as he trails after her… he’s not entirely compliant he does offer witty commentary wondering if this is a 24hr Macy’s.

The best part is she actually takes his advice and buys the dress he suggested.

Allison is alone looking through the dresses when she’s approached by Peter Hale. It’s okay though Peter just wants to offer some fashion advice. She’s too pale fair for dark colours just as he starts to get a little too creepy the PA announces that Allison car is being towed. Peter is once again impressed by Scott’s ingenuity but warns that he can’t be there all the time. Sooner or later he’s going to slip up.

Back in the torture dungeon Kate is getting bored, if Derek isn’t going to tell her anything then she’s just going to have kill him. She wants to rub salt in the wound first though. She asks Derek if he ever told Laura about what happened between them. He didn’t, he never told anyone and Kate is right that is a hell of the lot of guilt to keep locked inside. It’s not his fault, he got tricked by a pretty face, it happens.

I swear to goodness Derek you are one tortured soul. It's amazing you get up in the morning.

Kate: Handsome young werewolf mistakenly falls in love with a super hot girl who comes from a family that kills werewolves.

Wait that sounds familiar doesn’t it and Kate’s figure it out, this really is a case of history repeating. Jackson’s not the beta because he doesn’t love Allison, not like Scott does.

At Scott’s house, Mama McCall checks out Scott’s last minute suit and wonders how he got it so cheap. Maybe because the lining is held together with duct tape but it’s cool it looks all right except for the hole in the back of his pants. Scott begs his mom to fix it… as teenagers do. Pants off Scott, it’s Mama McCall and her amazing sewing skills to the rescue.

Mama McCall wants some bonding in return for her help. She asks if Scott has a date but he’s going stag (that's different from not having a date okay). She thinks that surely there are other girls that Scott could have asked and Scotts like there are no other girls besides Allison (believe me Scott, we know). If he really feels that way Mama McCall has some advice.

Melissa: Listen dumbass. I’m going to let you in on a little secret that most guys don’t even have a clue about. Right you ready. Women love words. You need to tell her how you feel. Just say it. Say it again. Say it differently. Learn how to say it better. Learn how to sing it. You just write it in a poem in a letter attached to flowers. Carve it in a tree in a sidewalk of cement. Tattoo on your arm.
Scott: Really?
Melissa: No not really. Tell her the truth. Tell her anything and everything you want.

That’s pretty good advice for anyone – not just girls. If you like someone tell them seriously. None of this nonsense with signals and signs and “oh she knows” because she doesn’t know, not unless you tell her.

Jackson is always the gentleman. 

At the dance dolled up students entering the gym two by two. Jackson and Allison arrive and conveniently there is a park right in front of the entrance. They both look incredibly pleased to be in each others company. Jackson takes a swig from a bottle of vodka because he is not making it through the night sober. Allison wants to remember some of it especially when she spots a shadow climbing across the roof. It’s Scott!

Stiles and Lydia arrive in the Jeep. Stiles looks so excited and Lydia looks as though she thinks she might have caught something during her time in the Jeep. Jackson and Allison walk past and Lydia tells Jackson that he looks nice… obviously, it’s Hugo Boss.

Lydia: I don’t care. I don’t want compliments. I will not fall prey to societies desire to turn girls into emotionally insecure neurotics who pull up their dress up at the first flattering remark.

Then Stiles says she looks beautiful and she caves takes his arm and they strut into the dance together (like a fag and his hag).

Inside the gym the dance is happening. Jackson’s spiking Danny’s drink, Coach Cupcake is on the look out for Scott and Scott’s seeing Peter everywhere.

Are you sure you two don't want to reconsider having incredibly beautiful children together?

Allison and Jackson look like the two most uncomfortable people in the room until Allison asks Jackson to dance. He says no and first but then Allison looks sad so he caves. Of course they walk until they are dancing in front of Lydia and Stiles because if he’s going to do this he might as well upset Lydia at the same time.

Stiles asks Lydia to dance. She says no. Stiles demands that Lydia dance with him. She says no again. So he changes tactics and goes for a classic teen rom-com speech.

Stiles: Lydia get up. Okay you’re gonna dance with me. I don’t care that you made out with my best friend for weird power thing. Lydia I’ve had a crush on you since the 3rd grade and I know that somewhere inside that cold lifeless exterior there’s an actual human soul. And I’m also pretty sure that I’m the only that knows how smart you really are. And that once you’re done pretending to be a nitwit you’ll eventually go off and write some insane mathematical theorem that wins you the Nobel prize.   

Yes Lydia, that guy is for real. But you don't have to force yourself to love him.

Normally I would hate this moment, it’s cliché and it’s completely caving to the ‘nice guy’ trope. If Lydia suddenly fell in love with a guy she clearly wasn’t interested in just because he was nice to her I would punch someone. It looks as though she’s going to fall for it too, on the surface anyway but if you watch the way it’s played it’s definitely pity in her eyes when she listens to Stiles confession. So she throws him a bone, pulling Stiles onto the dance floor while informing him that Nobel doesn’t have a prize for mathematics, she’ll be winning a Field’s Medal (you guys have no idea how much I need these guys to be friends).

Scott looks on with pride as his best friends dreams come true, he’s so distracted by the moment that he doesn’t notice Coach Cupcake until he shouts his name. Scott runs, Coach Cupcake chases. It’s only a matter of time so Scott grabs Danny and pulls him onto the dance floor. They are dancing together when Coach Cupcake starts yelling at Scott. The room goes quiet assuming that the Coach is objecting to the fact that it’s two men dancing. He back peddles quickly and walks away. Scott thanks Danny and runs off towards Allison.

Yeah Danny, stare lovingly at Scott - that's totally platonic. 

BTW, I’m now pretty sure Danny has a crush on Scott. He seemed pretty pleased when Scott was dancing with him. Plus Scott is always doing that thing where he flirts with Danny without realizing it. Also Danny’s date looks super pissed… I wonder if that’s why the break up?

See that look. Thats the look of realisation that this is just never gonna happen.

Stiles and Lydia are dancing but Lydia is distracted her eyes darting around the room. Stiles notices and to his credit picks up on the problem, she wants to look for Jackson. They leave the dance floor to find him.

Speaking of Jackson he’s stumbling drunk out of the gym and towards the woods where he see’s two suspicious looking red dots. He chases after them (because that' smart), begging the Alpha for the bite. He wants to be a werewolf. Except it’s not Peter, it’s Hottie Hunter Argent. He’s sorry Jackson, he can’t give you what you want but he’s pretty sure you can help him.

You could give me what I want Chris. 

Jackson leads Chris towards the dance with the promise Scott won’t hurt. Great Jackson’s squealed like the pig he is.

These two are so sweet that I think I just got diabetes.

Back on the dance floor Scott and Allison are having a moment. He’s telling her stories and making her laugh and it’s giving me a toothache. The problem is Scott is trying to tell Allison about werewolves but now that Allison knows she’s trying to avoid the topic. Scott begs Allison to let him speak but them he doesn’t say anything; instead he kisses her (what did your mom say about words Scott).

Allison: Why did you do that?
Scott: Because I love you.

Awww I think I just exploded with squee. I know I whine about Scott and Allison sometimes because it’s just a little bit intense for me but this is incredibly sweet and a perfect climax to their sweet romance. It’s all about to turn to crap but it’s nice for a moment at least.

Stiles spots Jackson and asks if he’s seen Lydia. He hasn’t but he has seen Chris Argent and told him all about Scott. He’s looking pretty guilty and Stiles is looking pretty angry.

Oh Lydia I will never not be angry that you are constantly relegated to the role of victim. You're so much more than that.

Lydia walks alone onto the lacrosse field. The lights turn on, one by one as Lydia cries for Jackson. A man strides towards her. It’s not Jackson. A voice screams behind her, it’s Stiles he’s telling her to run. It’s too late. Peter Hale has reached her and his fangs are out.

Reason number two I will never forgive Peter Hale.

Lydia falls to ground, her dress bloody. Peter looms over her body when Stiles reaches them begging him to spare Lydia’s life.

Peter is willing to spare Lydia as long as Stiles helps him find Derek. Stiles tries to say that he doesn’t know how but Peter knows better, Stiles is the smart one. He’s right, Stiles thinks that Derek knew he was going to be caught so he took Scott’s phone on purpose so they could track the GPS.

It's super heroic of Stiles to sacrifice himself for Lydia but I just want to stop here and say that Stiles had an idea of how to find Derek but he didn’t tell Scott. He just let Derek get tortured because it wasn’t his problem and Derek was a pain in his ass anyway and if the hunters used Derek to kill Peter then it was win win right. I love him but Stiles is not a hero.

These two assholes again. 

Allison pulls Scott out of the back of the gym and towards the buses so they can be alone. Scott’s freaking out on account of that one time he had a dream that started exactly like this and he tore Allison apart (but not in a good way). He resists but Allison climbs into the bus and taunts him by saying that in a minute he’s going to think this was a great idea. He’s just about to cave when two large SUV’s turn up boxing him in between two buses.

It’s Papa Argent and he’s mad. They race towards Scott forcing him to wolf out to jump out of the way. He shifts revealing what he is to a shocked Allison.

To be continued…